What is this "lifestyle" you mention?

[disappearingpoet]

After all, BDSM folks have the 'scene'. Can we have something similar?

Can I have both? :}

I think that in my household, as a family, we have a poly lifestyle... because that's our household. Most things I define individually. Kinky, but not necessarily "in scene" in some ways. Gay, but not really a part of "gay culture," etc. I just be me, and that works out pretty well.

[Hades36]

Just thought of a really critical question: what's happened in your life to make this such a hot button for you? Your gripes about semantics are great for debate but is that really what you're asking, is that really what's eating at you? Just seems you're really frustrated over...um...words? I'm always open to having a discussion about what's really prompting your question. I mean, if its really just about semantics, then my feeling is that we all have a right to call it whatever we want, so that seems like a dead end.

[NeonKaos]

I thought it was a valid question because poly involves doing whatever you do anyway (hiking, biking, fishing, camping, etc.) and simply being open to being in love with more people. I hardly ever hear people referring to monogamy as a "lifestyle". I have heard swingers refer to swinging as "the lifestyle". being mono or poly is simply part of who you are and not really contingent on what you DO. So therein lies the distinction.

[Hades36]

Well, my point is, we're debating why people use a certain word? Why? What's the larger, demonstrated impact that the word has on your life or world? Words only mean what we make them mean, anyways, so...shrug...guess I was looking to deep into it.

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by Hades36

Just thought of a really critical question: what's happened in your life to make this such a hot button for you? Your gripes about semantics are great for debate but is that really what you're asking, is that really what's eating at you? Just seems you're really frustrated over...um...words? I'm always open to having a discussion about what's really prompting your question. I mean, if its really just about semantics, then my feeling is that we all have a right to call it whatever we want, so that seems like a dead end.

Why say anyone is "really frustrated" or "griping" just for challenging a term and how it is used? Asking a question about why a term is used is not proclaiming it a "hot button" topic. It is asking a question. The thread serves to shed light on an inaccurate use of language. Such inaccuracies can lead to misunderstandings and misconceptions.

People who assume that there is a defined polyamorous lifestyle when there is not, could perhaps make choices in their lives based on that assumption which then could be detrimental to them, such as going along with a practice that they believe is part of "the lifestyle" they have chosen rather than determining for themselves how to work out the details of polyamory and make it fit into the lifestyle they already lead or wish to lead. Questioning the language is important -- is the same as when people who identify as "childfree" point out the distinction between using that word and using "childless." There are valid reasons for such clarification.

A lifestyle is not a culture is not a scene.

There is no one polyamorous lifestyle. Though there are many traits or practices shared among polyamorists in how they conduct their lives, there is nothing that can be said to be shared by every polyamorist other than the acceptance of the belief that a person can love more than one. People in a wide range of lifestyles practice polyamory.

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by Hades36

Well, my point is, we're debating why people use a certain word? Why? What's the larger, demonstrated impact that the word has on your life or world? Words only mean what we make them mean, anyways, so...shrug...guess I was looking to deep into it.

"the word" has very little to no impact on my life and world.

I don't identify as "poly" anywhere except on internet forums such as this one. I don't like explaining "the poly lifestyle" to people because there is no such thing as "the poly lifestyle". It's not something I think of as defining my life. I don't say "hi I'm Neon, and I'm polyamorous", but I do tell my closest friends that I have a boyfriend and my husband knows and is ok with it, and he's "allowed" to see other people too. Not sure how that would constitute a "lifestyle".

[Hades36]

Damn that Wikipedia! We better update their information, then, because they are misleading a whole lot of people. I mean, according to them, we have symbols, special terms, values, even a few parades under the belt.

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by nycindie

Questioning the language is important -- is the same as when people who identify as "childfree" point out the distinction between using that word and using "childless." There are valid reasons for such clarification.

Ooh YES, we are always getting that on the CF forums too, and it's one of my pet-peeves. "the Child-free lifestyle". People from LOTS of different "walks of life", if you will, choose to not have children for many different reasons, and we hardly fit into a certain "lifestyle". Some of us are very social, others are misanthropes, just like on this site. We share a common ground for a specific aspect of our personalities or LIFESTYLE CHOICES we have made, but just because someone is child-free, or HAS CHILDREN, doesn't mean either group shares a common LIFESTYLE.

Great example NYC. I should have come up with that one a lot sooner but I've had an unusually busy social life this weekend, and not because of my "poly lifestyle" (this time). It was because of my roller-derby lifestyle and my hanging-out-with-friends-visiting-from-out-of-town lifestyle.

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by Hades36

Damn that Wikipedia! We better update their information, then, because they are misleading a whole lot of people. I mean, according to them, we have symbols, special terms, values, even a few parades under the belt.

Wikipedia is a user-contributed ever-changing collection of articles that is always full of inconsistencies and inaccuracies. It is generally known not to be relied upon, but simply a good starting point to begin research if you have the patience to verify what is found there. I am a regular contributor to Wikipedia and I cannot begin to tell you how much cleaning up it requires on a regular basis because anyone can mess up an article with bullshit.

And who the hell is "we," exactly? See what a slippery slope this is?

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by Hades36

Damn that Wikipedia! We better update their information, then, because they are misleading a whole lot of people. I mean, according to them, we have symbols, special terms, values, even a few parades under the belt.

Wiki IS a whole lot of people misleading a whole lot of other people.

I read that if students use Wikipedia as a reference on a college term-paper, they will get an F.