I think some of the key words used by your friend/lover were "doesn't want to" and "can't". To me..."can't" is the "victim" in co-dependency. I think her honesty is "doesn't want to." She chooses not to do anything different. It is "in her hands" in spite of what she claims.
I, too, have struggled with clinical depression throughout much of my adult life, and it's important to take good care of yourself so as to not get sucked back into a very dark abyss. Take good care of yourself and I wish you the best on this journey!!