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Old 04-22-2011, 03:59 PM
Oaks Oaks is offline
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Eugene Oregon
Posts: 5
Default Paying your emotional tab

This weekend I am heading out of town to meet a potential metamour. My love of 2 years has been out of state and has taken a new lover near where she is at. Its someone who she met a few weeks ago while home from work and has been visiting and spending time with over the weekends. There are some red flags that I have about this new man in her life. Understand that I am not prone to jealousy. I have two wonderful metamours in our life. Two men who she has known a long time and with whom I have become wonderful friends. They are aware of me, respect my role as her primary, and love me for the joy that I have brought her in her life.

However, I am meeting this man for the first time, at my own bequest. I don't feel that he is poly in nature, but saw an opportunity to "hook up" with a girl who claims that her boyfriend doesn't mind. She claims to have been upfront with him about me and her dedication to me as her partner. (Yet she has yet to talk to him about the nature of my other metamours, her other loves, in her life.) He has told her that he doesn't like it when she talks about me when she is with him. I must admit that I am a bit nervous of this meeting. I feel like I need to meet him in order to find compersion with this relationship and because I don't believe him to being poly, I feel the need to let him know that I am a real person and force in my Love's life and not some theoretical entity out there that doesn't really exist. When we are honest about ourselves with the people whom we meet and like, there is an emotional tab to pay at some time or another. Sometimes its right away when we let people know that we are poly and in a committed relationship and sometimes it takes a person time to realize that the committed relationship is not a theory or that there isn't any unhappiness in the relationship. So I guess I get the feeling that this person has not really "paid his emotional tab" in terms of the very real relationship between my Love and I. I hope it goes well and that he has close to his heart, bringing happiness to my Love's life.

My question to the community. What are some of the right reasons for meeting your love's other partners? When is the right time for such meetings? What are your thoughts in terms of emotional tabs to be paid in poly relationships?

Wish me luck and I look forward to reading some thoughts and ideas about this.

Love and Light,

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metamours, mono/poly

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