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  #901  
Old 04-15-2011, 09:04 PM
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Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
Than you! I hope you realize how much you've helped people, me included, by just being there, being your non-judgmental, 'this is what works for me' self.

Happy forum-versary!
oh my. Thanks but I have my judgemental moments. A lot of stuff comes up so often I'm just used to it.
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  #902  
Old 04-16-2011, 01:19 AM
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I just realized, I have been on here for two years this month. What a roller coaster. Its paid off largely because of being here; participating, discovering a path that has worked for me, sharing, changing, growing. Its all been such a blessing to have seen people come and go. I've made some good friends and creating a community here that I cherish.

Thank you
Wow! Back at ya RP!

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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
This is amazing really...all of us connected in such a non-conventional way and yet looking out for each other for quite some time now.

It's been quite a journey so far
Like I said it gives me a sense of optimism.

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Next month will be 2 years for me too. (which means 2 years since I met you).
Awwww! Congrats peeps!

What the hell would we have done if there wasn't this forum.
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  #903  
Old 04-17-2011, 08:38 PM
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Well it was quite a weekend.

On Friday Derby and I went out to a party that kept us up all night. We all stayed at a friends house and slept in the same bed. Well, passed out in the same bed. Mono came to bed much later as he thought Derby and I would get it on, but we were too spent by then and I for one thought Mono would be down at any time (shouldn't of assumed, I should of asked him when he was intending to come down to bed...). Still, got a loving cuddle in with my girl and that was really nice.

Mono came to bed at 6 and passed out. He was all over the place with his arms and legs. Heh, I don't want to get into trouble, so I won't go into more detail than that... but needless to say, I had to get out of bed and sleep on the floor and Derby ended up cramped at one side of the bed while Mono had the whole thing! We had a good laugh the next morning and teased him endlessly. I texted Derby's husband several times to tease him about the situation also....

Our friends, in their early morning inhibition, helped by alcohol, confessed that they worried about PN and I. It's not something I haven't heard before but they were concerned that I might be upset that they had mentioned it. I wasn't at all, I like to know what people see from the outside of us. It helps me keep on top of things and access where we are at.

I explained to them that PN and I have a very different life together. He is mild mannered, not a partier in terms of being up all night drinking and being a goof, and is very much a hermit and independent. He doesn't feel comfortable in a large house in the suburbs. It disturbs him to think of the forest that was cut down to create those excessive houses and finds it hard to imagine spending time their when not three years ago he and I protested them being built.

They see it from where they sit as me and Mono being together and get that I would have Derby as a love also. They think that me and PN tolerate each other or deny each other attention and togetherness. Interesting Mono way of looking at things. To them in their life, being together every moment away from work is what one does. Everything is understood as "we" fulfil everything... I don't work like that and neither does PN. I have a way of being that comes out when I am with PN and our friends. I am never not myself, just move through different topics in a certain way.

Really, the loves I have have created in me the very person I want and strive to be. I am completely me when we are all together and when the world is just us. If anyone of them were to leave I would not be the true representation of myself. Sure there are others that could create this that I have accomplished and I don't doubt that change will come and things will shift, but for right now, everything fits.

I looked at PN last night at the party he and I went to. His socialness is more in a community of people that meditate, are spiritual, dancers, burners, more hippyish, environmental, activists in a soft sense of the word... entirely different than the people I spent my time with on Friday night, yet very much the same....

At the party I went to with PN he did his own thing, drank imported elderflower water, compared vegetarian recipes on how to cook a good curry... how to prepare dorian fruit and what the best way to cook burrdock root is. The evening was a variety show of chanting and east indian music, poetry and a local dj who dj's at a oxygen pumped raver bar that serves no alcohol. VERY different than the night before. Yet just as much a good time for me. PN would not of enjoyed my Friday night with Mono and Derby and my friends I spent time with Friday would not of enjoyed (would likely of been uncomfortable) my Saturday night with the people I spent time with then.

I think my poly really encapsulates my ability and desire for diversity in my life. I have never been part of a group and been isolated within it. I have always had a need to glide from one interest to another, one person to another. The parties I have had have never worked if I invite everyone because the different groups just don't mesh when they are all together, or cause me so much anxiety at seeing everyone together that I get panic attacks. The loves I have chosen to be close to understand and are able to not judge different ways of being in people. I love this about them. It means that they love and accept different parts of me too.

Yup, this weekend is ending with a whole lot of "I am of this world and the world is of me" At least in this city on this island,,,, right now.
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  #904  
Old 04-17-2011, 08:47 PM
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Your weekend sounds just perfect to me! I can totally relate to how poly fulfills your need for diversity and letting different parts of yourself come to the forefront with different loves. This is why poly works so beautifully for me, also! How lucky we both are to have found partners who love and support us in this!
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  #905  
Old 04-17-2011, 09:01 PM
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Just changed my avatar on my profile to a giraffe eating a red pepper. I feel in love with the picture while looking for something else... I read the totem for it and it fit for me right now... so I thought I would post it. I'm not sure what it means, but whatever... sometimes I do shit that I don't understand and it all comes to light at some point.

GIRAFFE
http://www.linsdomain.com/totems/pages/giraffe.htm


Farsightedness

People who have a Giraffe totem
often know the future.
They can sense what is going to happen,
what lies over the horizon.

Giraffe people should be very careful of
what they say.
Be sure you are not saying too much to
the wrong person, or in the reverse, too little.
Do not allow other's words to affect you.


Giraffes have their legs firmly planted on the earth but their heads in the sky.
This represents balance and the ability to progress.

Giraffe people should never become complacent and lose sight of the future.
Life will become increasingly difficult
until you set your sights once more on the path ahead.

Giraffes, and their people, have very strong ties to family and friends,
especially parent and children.
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  #906  
Old 04-18-2011, 12:05 AM
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Felt compelled to comment on your weekend. What struck me is that you have reached a wonderful state of "allowing" within your family. And this for me is polyamory at its most powerful. Of course it's never going to be perfect as our growth often lies in our struggles and seeming imperfections.

Please forgive me if I'm wrong about specifics but from a spectator's point of view this is what I see. I remember back to PN's struggles prior to Mono shifting in. He resisted it for some time and I remember you wrote that he went through a period of just wanting his wife back. And yet he was able to release his attachments and what a wonderful gift he has received in being free to fully explore his spirituality and 'greener' self. You are both so different now in many ways and polyamory has allowed you both to fully experience who you are while retaining the essence of your relationship. This is where monogamy falls down. Growth and change have to continually be curbed to fit within the established context. For many people it just becomes too hard and they stop trying to jump out of their box.

Well done
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  #907  
Old 04-18-2011, 06:13 AM
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Originally Posted by sage View Post
I remember back to PN's struggles prior to Mono shifting in. He resisted it for some time and I remember you wrote that he went through a period of just wanting his wife back. And yet he was able to release his attachments and what a wonderful gift he has received in being free to fully explore his spirituality and 'greener' self. You are both so different now in many ways and polyamory has allowed you both to fully experience who you are while retaining the essence of your relationship. This is where monogamy falls down. Growth and change have to continually be curbed to fit within the established context. For many people it just becomes too hard and they stop trying to jump out of their box.
Thanks Sage. This is beautifully said! The bold is exactly what I feel has happened. PN has become more himself and so have I... Yes, we have changed, but in such a way that has enhanced what was already there but wasn't nurtured. Now we all find ways to encourage each other to be MORE ourselves. We seek out for each other what makes us happy. I prompt Mono to make plans to ride, I point out mushroom events for PN, etc... its almost like having compersion with everything they do... The more they are able to achieve their life's goals, the more I want to be there to walk the path with them. Same goes for Derby and Leo also. I might not get why something is so important to them, but I sure as hell will stand by them as they do it, because that is what makes them happy and in turn what makes me happy... it rubs off some how. Really, once fear is taken out of the equation, there is no stopping the multitude of opportunities to thrive in relationship life.
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  #908  
Old 04-18-2011, 05:16 PM
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Thanks Sage. This is beautifully said! The bold is exactly what I feel has happened. PN has become more himself and so have I... Yes, we have changed, but in such a way that has enhanced what was already there but wasn't nurtured. Now we all find ways to encourage each other to be MORE ourselves. We seek out for each other what makes us happy. I prompt Mono to make plans to ride, I point out mushroom events for PN, etc... its almost like having compersion with everything they do... The more they are able to achieve their life's goals, the more I want to be there to walk the path with them. Same goes for Derby and Leo also. I might not get why something is so important to them, but I sure as hell will stand by them as they do it, because that is what makes them happy and in turn what makes me happy... it rubs off some how. Really, once fear is taken out of the equation, there is no stopping the multitude of opportunities to thrive in relationship life.
Totally agree on this Sage!
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  #909  
Old 04-20-2011, 07:16 PM
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Beginning to look forward to the summer. Although it is also beginning to overwhelm me. I think it will be more clear when my show is over next week. Then I am making firm plans to get started on camping trips. We are hosting two trips and going to two. That should be enough I think as there is always a shit load of stuff to do just around here! We are actually leaving the island this summer though and the country I know. Crazy.

I am thinking about putting our camper van on the road this summer. Its a big hard top GMC circa 1976. I love my van, but the gas will be a killer. Leo has agreed to look her over as he is now officially done work for a month at the very least. Who are we kidding, likely, at that job, forever. Still, he will see if she is running smoothly and safely for us and then I will make some events for picnics, beach days, and camping. Weeeee... can't wait.

I really don't have anything to say about poly these days. I don't know if I should carry on writing this blog either really. I can't seem to find anything interesting to talk about other than we are all humming along and doing fine. We seemed to of reached a plateau whereby everyone is doing their thing, being together, seeing each other when we can, making plans, and having fun. It's been a breeze lately. I hope that doesn't mean its a calm before a storm. It is unlikely it will always be this way... things never are smooth forever, but for now I'm enjoying it and smiling.
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  #910  
Old 04-20-2011, 09:34 PM
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I feel the same way about my blog. There just isn't anything of any real interest to say. Although everything running smoothly is definitely a good thing.

A year ago that van was going to be your room. I think I like the room you have a whole lot better, at the very least the lighting is preferable.
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