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  #51  
Old 04-20-2011, 01:41 AM
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Originally Posted by Morningglory629 View Post
". . . The first place to start is with one’s self, confronting your own self-imposed guilt and your fears of stepping outside the standards of societal norms . . ."
I think this is so important. If one rushes too far and too fast into being free with one's body and going beyond comfort zones, without looking at the inhibitions and fears on the flip side, it can be damaging. I'm the first to acknowledge my inner Prude. She lives inside me, right next to my Slut. In fact, they might even be twin sisters. If I take them both along with me on this journey called life, and into the bedroom where I am trying things I've never tried before, I think I'll have much better, more authentic experiences. I can't pretend I don't have reservations or judgments (both positive and negative) about my sluttiness, or my prudery. This applies to my desire to have poly relationships, too -- I can't deny the conditioning I've had to be mono. Embracing all of me, not just my adventurous or unconventional side, leads to wholeness and freedom.
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An excellent blog post against hierarchy in polyamory: http://solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-i...short-version/
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  #52  
Old 04-20-2011, 03:32 PM
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Embracing all of me, not just my adventurous or unconventional side, leads to wholeness and freedom.
Dead-on. At some point in the book Redefining Our Relationships, it said something along the lines of "to love you is to love the whole package."
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  #53  
Old 04-20-2011, 07:12 PM
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How did you handle being introduced to Pepper's nuclear family? what helped? what didn't work for you? his dadt policy is that he does not want to hear sexual details. or for that matter personal details that concern only 2rings And I. but point taken.
Initially I met RP's and PN's families as a family friend. We built up a certain repertoire based on my being a close personal friend of the family. I felt a little awkward attending family dinners as an "outsider". I was included in some pretty personal events as a friend, so the curiosity of other family members became more and more intense and awkward.

Then we came out to them and all hell broke loose on RP's side. Luckily I had an already formed connection with most of the people involved so after the dust settled we fell back into a natural coexistence without any of the awkwardness.

First question: Will you initially be introducing him as you Boyfriend or as a friend of you and your Hubby"s? There is a big difference obviously.

My recommendation from someone who went through this just like 2Rings will have to:

1) Build up a friendly connection through casual get togethers - nothing to personal as this will raise questions perhaps a bit too soon.

2) Once 2Rings establishes himself independently with your ex tented family or social circle then you can move into more personal get togethers.

3) Assess when they have built up trust in 2Rings and then decide if they are ready to hear the full story of his involvement.

4) AND THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT!! Attempt to have your Hubby and 2Rings develop their own genuine connection. Why is this so important? Your friends and family will already be aligned with and concerned with your Hubby. They will be looking for signs that he is either healthy and ok or if he is in pain and struggling. Your Hubby WILL NOT be able to fake that he is happy and healthy with this dynamic in front of people who know him. If he isn't comfortable they will see through any forced smiles or practiced responses to their questions - his answers have to come from his heart in order for people to see past their concerns. If people see that he is hurting, they will likely see 2Rings in a negative way.

If you want to have any relaxed, genuine and enjoyable time as a tribe together, you need to all be in a good place. Then you will fill the room with confidence and positivity...otherwise the room will be filled with awkwardness.

Good luck....and have p-a-t-i-e-n-c-e
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  #54  
Old 04-20-2011, 09:55 PM
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Initially I met RP's and PN's families as a family friend. We built up a certain repertoire based on my being a close personal friend of the family. I felt a little awkward attending family dinners as an "outsider". I was included in some pretty personal events as a friend, so the curiosity of other family members became more and more intense and awkward.

Then we came out to them and all hell broke loose on RP's side. Luckily I had an already formed connection with most of the people involved so after the dust settled we fell back into a natural coexistence without any of the awkwardness.
Yeah we tried this with me meeting 2rings family/friends as a friend but then...well you know the rest. Didn't really go as planned.

On my end I have always maintained that 2rings needs to have his own connections to the people within my life. They need to know him as 2rings rather than my boyfriend (don't want rivalry or loyalty issues here) I agree that this will help in the eventual coming-out altogether. And more than anything I want he and Hubs to have their own connection/friendship. I can see what you mean about Hubs having to be open and genuine with his acceptance of 2rings.

So far he is only known as a friend from work. A close friend from work. He has been to my daughter's bball games, and he attended my daughter's play with his son where I wasn't there- I had gone to opening night, he went to a matinee. He has met my sister who knows everything. And my cousin who knows everything. For that matter they also know KT as 2rings wife someone who went away with me on my girls trip, attended glass-jewelry class etc. 2rings has met my parents in passing but no real conversations. We are definitely going slow, and every couple of months I try to go a bit further with it.

So here's to being able to concentrate on my family for a bit WITH 2rings and Hubs.

Thanks Mon!

Last edited by Morningglory629; 04-20-2011 at 09:58 PM.
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  #55  
Old 04-23-2011, 06:16 PM
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Feeling a bit angst-ridden today. Some physical illness contributing. But I am having emotions I didn't expect. Not a great 24 hours.

Enough said.

Last edited by Morningglory629; 04-23-2011 at 08:16 PM.
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  #56  
Old 04-24-2011, 03:48 AM
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Sad, confused and struggling today. Feeling guilt No idea how to handle it.

Last edited by Morningglory629; 04-24-2011 at 08:39 AM.
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  #57  
Old 04-24-2011, 06:38 PM
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Girl, you aren't ok. I don't know if you can do phone calls, but I'll pm you my number and Maca's just in case.
Xo
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  #58  
Old 04-25-2011, 12:19 AM
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I am ok. Just alot of learning to do. And more than anything I need to figure out how to process emotions on my own. I don't want to ruin relationships because I can't keep it together. I am so mean when I am feeling insecure or pressured or just lonely. how can I feel lonely in a house full of people??? well it happens especially in a dadt environment. ah well...tomorrow should be better, I think I will put on my hiking boots and take a walk.
xo LR- I will give ya a call tonight! lot's of curiosity.

Last edited by Morningglory629; 04-25-2011 at 12:21 AM.
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  #59  
Old 04-25-2011, 02:28 AM
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I feel lonely in a house full on a regular basis! Don't ask me "how" but I accomplish it quite frequently!!

I understand the difficulty of DADT on a small scale, because per our agreement made this last week, Maca and I are not discussing my relationship with GG. FORTUNATELY that doesn't mean that I can't say ANYTHING that pertains to GG, that would be hard since he lives here. But, it still means I have things on my mind that I can't talk about. Pain in the ass and does create a sense of lonliness at times.

At any rate, by 8pm my time, I won't be with Maca (cause he already headed home). You CAN still call him if you want-he's more than willing to talk to you about what we were discussing. But-if you want, you can call me too. Either way or both.
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  #60  
Old 04-25-2011, 02:56 PM
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Good to connect with Alaska lastnight! Thanks Maca! As always LR you are a supportive friend.
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