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  #151  
Old 03-28-2011, 11:05 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I think it really does simply depend on the people in any given dynamic.

For me, it was easy to "come out". I don't give a SHIT what anyone else thinks. I love two men. End of topic unless they want to have a friendly talk about HOW.

At the same time,

I've ALWAYS been that way. I was the same way when I came out as having just gotten a girlfriend.
I was that way when I came out bi.
I was that way when I told everyone I was pregnant (out of wedlock).

I just don't care.

It was harder for Maca and GG-because they don't tend to be the type to speak up AND they are both worried about offending others.

shrug...


pretty much everyone in my life knows.
Most of Maca's coworkers do not know.
Some of GG's don't know.
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  #152  
Old 04-18-2011, 01:43 AM
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So I get more and more into my polyamorous curiosity as we get deeper into our relationship (using the L word and all!). But today, I found out my mom is EXTREMELY against polyamory- though she's not against homosexuality whatsoever.

So a couple questions for you guys. Do any of your family members know? If not, do they know you're with one person and not others? If your family is against it as mine is, how will you explain to them your relationship status?

Sorry if these didn't make a lot of sense. I can try to re-word them later.
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  #153  
Old 04-18-2011, 02:12 AM
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It helps to do a search before posting questions. There are a number of threads here regarding "coming out" as polyamorous. You can try these for a start:
Coming out

Coming out to the household...

"Coming out" as Polyamorous.
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Last edited by nycindie; 04-18-2011 at 02:16 AM.
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  #154  
Old 04-18-2011, 02:38 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by polyt View Post
So I get more and more into my polyamorous curiosity as we get deeper into our relationship (using the L word and all!). But today, I found out my mom is EXTREMELY against polyamory- though she's not against homosexuality whatsoever.

So a couple questions for you guys. Do any of your family members know? If not, do they know you're with one person and not others? If your family is against it as mine is, how will you explain to them your relationship status?

Sorry if these didn't make a lot of sense. I can try to re-word them later.
This will likely get merged with other threads about opening up. I find it an unfortunate practice personally, because it loses the individual flavour of each persons "story"

I am "open".. I don't hide my sexual/relationship practices, but I also don't walk around bragging about it. My cousin (really my brother) knows about my girlfriend and wants to meet her (he has already congratulated me on 1 year, even though we are a couple of weeks away yet) My mother knows I.. experiment with sex. Hahaha.. the reality is, next time I see her I will be telling her about my gf. All of my closest friends know...

Its simple for me. "I am in an open relationship and am currently dating someone else".. I rarely use the word poly, I find it connects me to groups of people I can't relate to.

If I find, or have in the future, a family member against it. I would simply tell them the truth and than can take or leave it. As a black sheep in both sides of my family, their opinion means very little to me. I take it like I take others, with a giant grain of salt. I guess I am lucky that way.

That said, not everyone is like me. I don't have kids, I am not that connected to family beyond the two people I love. So for me to be open is very different than someone with kids, a lot to lose and a large family of potential haters. So being open is very situational and peoples options need to be respected.
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  #155  
Old 04-18-2011, 02:52 AM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
This will likely get merged with other threads about opening up. I find it an unfortunate practice personally, because it loses the individual flavour of each persons "story"
\
It's a thread about "coming out", not "opening up". And the polyt hasn't said anything about their "story". All they did was ask a very generic question.

Thread merged. Unfortunately.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 04-18-2011 at 02:54 AM.
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  #156  
Old 04-18-2011, 03:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
I rarely use the word poly, I find it connects me to groups of people I can't relate to.
Yes!!! I feel similarly. It's always problematic when I use the word polyamory. I prefer to talk about my feelings regarding exclusivity and attachment, and my goal of having "multiple, ongoing, loving relationships."
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  #157  
Old 04-18-2011, 03:01 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by polyt View Post
So a couple questions for you guys. Do any of your family members know? If not, do they know you're with one person and not others? If your family is against it as mine is, how will you explain to them your relationship status?
Close family knows, Mum is very worried that I am being taken advantage of. She thinks polyamory is just a phase that will last until I find the one true (male) partner for me. We haven't gotten to the point of speaking about polyamory yet, but I am out as to my comings and goings and the people I am seeing.

Just like with coming out as non-heterosexual, I strongly recommend that you live on your own and are not dependent on your parents for financial support before doing it.
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  #158  
Old 04-18-2011, 03:42 PM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by polyt View Post
So a couple questions for you guys. Do any of your family members know? If not, do they know you're with one person and not others? If your family is against it as mine is, how will you explain to them your relationship status?

Sorry if these didn't make a lot of sense. I can try to re-word them later.
Wolf and I are only out to one member of our family; his cousin; who is also poly. In 2009, my sister, brother, hubby, and dad outed me as bi to my mom at Christmas Eve cookie making.... mom stayed in denial until earlier this year when a friend tagged me in a FB photo of me kissing a mutual female friend. I promptly untagged myself, but the damage has already been done. Though my mom never spoke directly to me about it. *shrugs*
Our families know Wendigo and Pretty Lady as our best friends. We "double date" every few months when we can afford it and PL can get out of picking their son up from JROTC practice.

Wendigo and I have gone back and forth on letting various friends in on our secret, but only 2 friends have direct knowledge of who Wolf and I are involved with and they are probably the last two we will ever tell; almost all of our friends are mutual.

In January, our quad officially came out to a close mutual friend, in part because he'd taken notice of how Wendigo and I interacted and the light bulb went off over his head. This did not end well. And resulted in Pretty Lady asking that Wendigo and I be more careful, as she was concerned with too many people knowing; especially after said friend commented that I should shoot a porno and he'd love to video tape it for us. She realized he was of more of a swinging mindset and became concerned that he'd film us and spread the film around to our other friends behind our backs.

(Background on Wendigo and PL: They live in a small town with her entire family living w/in 3 miles of their house, share property with her sister, and rely on shared family vehicles to get around town. Her family still treats Wendigo as an outsider after 19 years - in part because he is bi-racial.)

About a week later, said friend leaves his IM window open and his fiancée reads our conversation about my relationship with Wendigo and starts asking questions of Wendigo and I because she sees sex as a spiritual/ metaphysical expression of love that you can only have with your singular soul mate. I end up in the dog house for 24 hours while Wendigo and PL sort out their feelings about how she found out. Fast forward 3 months, we're doing okay, but our friendship with said friend is not as strong as it once was and our friendship with his fiancée is strained.

So far the being out is just not worth it.
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  #159  
Old 04-18-2011, 03:58 PM
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Carma Carma is offline
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I had confided in one of my daughters, and she told my older daughter (accidentally -- she thought she kind of already knew). My older daughter promptly called my mom and my sister, and outed me to them. Fortunately the "telephone line" game stopped there. My mom and sister have been really cool, are trying to just stay out of my business. My oldest daughter has not spoken to me in 2 months She is angry because she feels I am 1. disgusting and immoral and 2. jeopardizing the stability of our family (she fears we will get divorced and my 4 younger kids will be devastated).

There are some people in my life who I will never come out to, voluntarily. I hope they never find out. However, they will never know the real me, and that makes me sad for them.

I'm not sure I could handle other relatives turning on me like my daughter has. To be honest I never expected such an extreme reaction from her -- I figured she'd be over it by now and just say, "It's your life, Mom."

We're trying to be very discreet. I don't go out in public with my boyfriend unless it's all 3 of us, and we haven't even done that in quite awhile. I go to his apartment once or twice a week when all the kids are at school. Making the best of it.
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  #160  
Old 04-20-2011, 02:15 AM
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I really think that the change that I desire to see in the world around acceptance of poly is going to come from people coming out and feeling more capable and confident in talking about poly from the perspective of an alternative to Monogamy; not a replacement, but an alternative, not as a means to get more sex, but a way to create more belonging, love and deeper ties to chosen family.
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