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  #161  
Old 04-19-2011, 03:46 PM
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MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
Word of advice here.
Debate often encompasses criticism. But you have to understand that it's ideas, concepts, opinions etc that are being criticized. NOT the speaker ! Common mistake that leads to a lot of wasted dialog. [...]
GS
I have no objection to people holding different views and expressing them enegetically. In fact, that's something that I really appreciate. It's the attitude that sometimes comes across (e.g. know-it-all, "I'm more experienced than you, so just you listen!", condescending, or aggressive) that rankles. As I wrote:
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In a way, I prefer to have them aimed at me, because although I take criticism seriously (An acquaintance once said to me: I give you 10 out of 10 for really listening to criticism and considering its validity, without rejecting it offhand.) I have learned to have a certain faith in myself, a self-security that means that I am not devastated by criticism. [...] Whereas some other members especially some who were new to this forum - have obviously been stung by carelessly-worded comments directed at them. Some [of these members] have disappeared completely. And I find that a shame, because they were likely the very people who most needed a feeling of support through their difficult process of adapting to polyamory.
If, as you write,
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As someone who has been with this forum for......seemingly ages, I've had an opportunity to see much of what you're speaking of, see it discussed, addressed etc. I can only say this. The 'overall' tone and atmosphere of the forum has improved quite dramatically since it's early days.
I guess that I should feel lucky that I didn't join until it had "improved quite dramatically"!
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If I can't dance, I want no part in your Revolution.
- Emma Goldman Anarchist and Polyamorous par excellence
The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- old Chinese proverb
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin
I'd rather have a broken heart / Than have a heart of stone.
- from "Boundless Love (A Polyamory Song)" by Jimmy Hollis i Dickson
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  #162  
Old 04-19-2011, 07:49 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by MrFarFromRight View Post
As I wrote:If, as you write,I guess that I should feel lucky that I didn't join until it had "improved quite dramatically"!
When I joined the atmosphere was downright violent.

It's now significantly better.

My only comment would be a... well snipey feeling one "welcome to the internet!!!"

As a mod/admin/owner of many sites/bbses over.. well lets just say since before HTTP was a protocol... thats the nature of the online beast.
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  #163  
Old 04-19-2011, 09:51 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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When I joined the atmosphere was downright violent.
Yeah, yeah it really was. Kind of scary there for a few months actually.
So many of us "old times" were nearly outta here.
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  #164  
Old 04-19-2011, 10:21 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
When I joined the atmosphere was downright violent.
When I joined, the atmosphere was congenial. The toxic folk showed up later. Most of them are gone, now, so the atmosphere has fewer toxins in it.
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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  #165  
Old 04-19-2011, 10:29 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
Word of advice here.
Debate often encompasses criticism. But you have to understand that it's ideas, concepts, opinions etc that are being criticized. NOT the speaker ! Common mistake that leads to a lot of wasted dialog.
I have to agree. Arguing someones point is not personal. I do it, and have it done all the time.

Its like saying

"I don't like the way you did (a)"

and it being interpreted as

"I don't like you"

Which ironically happens a lot. But its just wrong. I can dislike an opinion/task/judgement and it will have 0 bearing on my thoughts on the person.
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  #166  
Old 04-20-2011, 01:49 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
I have to agree. Arguing someones point is not personal. I do it, and have it done all the time.

Its like saying

"I don't like the way you did (a)"

and it being interpreted as

"I don't like you"

Which ironically happens a lot. But its just wrong. I can dislike an opinion/task/judgement and it will have 0 bearing on my thoughts on the person.
Thank you!! I have argued this point several times with several people. And no one seems to get it. So glad I am not alone!
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  #167  
Old 12-12-2013, 08:18 PM
london london is offline
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I'm surprised this thread isn't still hot.
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