So I was resolved to move on
painful though it would be
and I told them
it was time for me to go
because I wouldn't stop crying
I did not need them to tell me I was petulant
or that my pain was petty
or I was overreacting
"just because it was a little play"
And I told him he was not the man he should have been
when he knew I was miserable
and why he thought I would be happy for their selfish actions
I don't know.
And I think it drove home to them
what it was this was doing to me.
I was told stay
I was told please stay
WE will work it out, you don't have to handle your pain alone
And so I said if if if if
this were to work out
all play between parties
any person or parties
was to be suspended
and this included some aspects of flirting
such as flashing bare breast.
Because I am not going to heal thinking they will do this again
no matter how irrational that fear
because I learned the hard way
I need to spell it out for them.
And so here I am again
giving them another chance
because my tears are so frequent they frighten and make my couple realize
how terrible I still am feeling
And they are taking responsibility for their part
because they knew I had a past history of being abused
and left out
and left behind
and feeling unwanted
And the male of my couple said it was never worth it, that night of play, to see me so hurt.
And I suppose we shall see from there.