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Old 04-19-2011, 05:15 PM
fairydogmother fairydogmother is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Maritime Canada
Posts: 3
Default from a triangle to a V: how?

Hey all,

Thanks for this service. It is helping me very much, to read all the other experiences and wisdom.

I've been in a long-distance triad with a 30-years-together couple for 9 months now. As well as the distance, they are in a different generation (older) and different culture than me. Challenging!

I got into this because I loved/was 'in-love' (crush) with her. She told me he would want to join us and I was okay with that. Turns out, he and I are great together, and I have immensely enjoyed my surprising friendship, love and intimacy with him as well as her. As a bisexual woman, I have taken to poly like a duck to water! (polywog to water?)

Turns out, she never could get into it comfortable. The idea of a triad "as a lifestyle" (she says) bothers her (conservative values/upbringing); she has been jealous of he and I although she says she is over that now; they have troubles in their relationship; I think she is wierded out sometimes by being with a woman (me); and in general she is just not as into me as I am into her...

I am super sad about 'losing' her (what I thought and hoped would be even a primary relationship or at least me as long-term secondary). He understands that I am sad about her now, and is supportive. She wants to 'focus on her marriage' now, and 'just be friends' with me (stop intimate activity with me). She gives him full permission to continue with me - in their house while she is home. I go there once or twice a month.

My question: do you have tips for how to go from what he and I hoped would be a really solid equilateral triangle, to an open V, at her request, when I do love her and deeply 'want'/miss her ? It seems that she loves him, he loves me, I love her, I am not allowed to be with her any more. That leaves him and me, right in front of her. How is that going to work? I miss being with her.

She has 'broken up' with me several times then always reaches out for me again (intimately) but then dances away again by the light of day. "Ambivalent" or "approach/avoidance" syndrome.

I don't want to hurt her, I want to be with both of them, I am hurt by the roller-coaster of her ambivalence, he is NRE with me (I keep telling him to cool down! and include her...)

I am going there for 4 days for the Easter long weekend. haven't seen them since she told me "just friends". (I have understated how sad I am about that.) Thank you!
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