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Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit
Word of advice here.
Debate often encompasses criticism. But you have to understand that it's ideas, concepts, opinions etc that are being criticized. NOT the speaker ! Common mistake that leads to a lot of wasted dialog. [...]
GS
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I have no objection to people holding different views and expressing them enegetically. In fact, that's something that I really appreciate. It's the attitude that
sometimes comes across (e.g. know-it-all, "I'm more experienced than you, so just you listen!", condescending, or aggressive) that rankles. As I wrote:
Quote:
In a way, I prefer to have them aimed at me, because – although I take criticism seriously (An acquaintance once said to me: “I give you 10 out of 10 for really listening to criticism and considering its validity, without rejecting it offhand.”) – I have learned to have a certain faith in myself, a self-security that means that I am not devastated by criticism. [...] Whereas some other members – especially some who were new to this forum - have obviously been stung by carelessly-worded comments directed at them. Some [of these members] have disappeared completely. And I find that a shame, because they were likely the very people who most needed a feeling of support through their difficult process of adapting to polyamory.
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If, as you write,
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As someone who has been with this forum for......seemingly ages, I've had an opportunity to see much of what you're speaking of, see it discussed, addressed etc. I can only say this. The 'overall' tone and atmosphere of the forum has improved quite dramatically since it's early days.
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I guess that I should feel lucky that I didn't join until it had
"improved quite dramatically"!
