Discussion on Forum Sociology and Interpersonal Dynamics

[MrFarFromRight]

Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit

Word of advice here.
Debate often encompasses criticism. But you have to understand that it's ideas, concepts, opinions etc that are being criticized. NOT the speaker ! Common mistake that leads to a lot of wasted dialog. [...]
GS

I have no objection to people holding different views and expressing them enegetically. In fact, that's something that I really appreciate. It's the attitude that sometimes comes across (e.g. know-it-all, "I'm more experienced than you, so just you listen!", condescending, or aggressive) that rankles. As I wrote:

In a way, I prefer to have them aimed at me, because – although I take criticism seriously (An acquaintance once said to me: “I give you 10 out of 10 for really listening to criticism and considering its validity, without rejecting it offhand.”) – I have learned to have a certain faith in myself, a self-security that means that I am not devastated by criticism. [...] Whereas some other members – especially some who were new to this forum - have obviously been stung by carelessly-worded comments directed at them. Some [of these members] have disappeared completely. And I find that a shame, because they were likely the very people who most needed a feeling of support through their difficult process of adapting to polyamory.

If, as you write,

As someone who has been with this forum for......seemingly ages, I've had an opportunity to see much of what you're speaking of, see it discussed, addressed etc. I can only say this. The 'overall' tone and atmosphere of the forum has improved quite dramatically since it's early days.

I guess that I should feel lucky that I didn't join until it had "improved quite dramatically"!