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Old 04-18-2011, 07:51 AM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Default Multiple NRE

Anyone else ever had this happen? Falling into the throes of NRE with several people at AT THE SAME TIME? How do you cope?

I sort of thought that NRE is the poly equivalent of nesting, in that the new couple wants to be together all the time and only has eyes for each other for a while. So now I feel like I'm cheating, both poly and my partners .

Shouldn't this be something unique? Shouldn't this be the phase when we make the foundation for our future relationship? Can I multitask something like this?

I'm afraid that new loves feel cheated out of their NRE if they know I am also all gooshy over someone else. I have to ask, have it out and done with, but how to go about it? Should I just blurb that 'Know what? I have this and this in my life also and we are all very new and I'm just happy and a bit high on endorphins right now. But the high you give is still very special to me.'
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Old 04-18-2011, 12:15 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
Anyone else ever had this happen? Falling into the throes of NRE with several people at AT THE SAME TIME? How do you cope?

I sort of thought that NRE is the poly equivalent of nesting, in that the new couple wants to be together all the time and only has eyes for each other for a while. So now I feel like I'm cheating, both poly and my partners .

Shouldn't this be something unique? Shouldn't this be the phase when we make the foundation for our future relationship?
First of all, congrats on feeling high on your new love for more than one person at once! Those feelings are just the best. Enjoy them.

You've got some "shoulds" up there that you can probably just let go. Your situation is unique. Your NRE can mean whatever you want or need it to mean.

Quote:
Can I multitask something like this?
Sure you can!

What if you just gave birth to twins? Would you feel guilty over the love you feel for Twin A, when you are holding and nursing Twin B, or vice versa?


Quote:
I'm afraid that new loves feel cheated out of their NRE if they know I am also all gooshy over someone else.
I'm not sure of your relationship status with either of these people (if it is just 2), but have either of them indicated they have a problem with it, or is it just you with the guilty feelings?

Quote:
I have to ask, have it out and done with, but how to go about it? Should I just blurb that 'Know what? I have this and this in my life also and we are all very new and I'm just happy and a bit high on endorphins right now...'
This is just you being truthful, and truthfulness is always the best way to go.
I think it would depend on whether your loves are experienced at poly, or new to it. When I'd been with my gf for about 3 months, I got infatuated with a new guy, and had to tell her how excited I was. She just took it in stride, since she's been poly all her life. Other people that are new to poly might need more help understanding it.

I think the key is being present, fully present, with the one you're with. Be in the now. Try not to fantasize endlessly about the other one when you are with the one in the room.

Quote:
'... But the high you give is still very special to me.'
You might not need to actually say this, if your actions show your enjoyment of them already. The use of the words, "but" and "still" sound a little off. You could just say, and show by your actions, "The high you give me is so special!" and leave out the comparisons altogether.
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  #3  
Old 04-18-2011, 02:34 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Thanks Mags!

I was just having a weird freakout, thinking that maybe what I'm going through isn't NRE at all and I am confusing things badly.

On most days, I do believe there's no one true way to do poly, but then again, sometimes I get insecure.

Thanks for the reality check!
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Old 04-18-2011, 05:19 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Anyone else ever had this happen? Falling into the throes of NRE with several people at AT THE SAME TIME? How do you cope?
Nope, I never had. I seem to be very focussed and can't cross infatuation over. NRE included. Poly or not its a wave that seems very singular to me.

Quote:
Shouldn't this be something unique? Shouldn't this be the phase when we make the foundation for our future relationship? Can I multitask something like this?
Never thought of it like that. So many relationships end after nesting/nre I am not sure how true this ends up being. NRE allows a degree of blindness within the infatuation you feel at the time.
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