Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 09-24-2009, 03:00 PM
Io55 Io55 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 20
Default

I noticed the same thing RP! except i sort of started out a unicorn and am sort of becoming the center of a V through force of circumstance...so not sure i count as either:P! im also curious if anyone has been in my shoes..the center of a V but truly without a 'primary' partner, as i have known and loved them equally for equal amounts of time...
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 09-24-2009, 03:39 PM
Io55 Io55 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 20
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
That is good news!

Hyjacking the thread on this one, hope that is okay lo55? If not please say so!
Hyjack away!!
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 09-25-2009, 01:22 AM
Tia Tia is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 20
Default

I learned something new today... I am a "unicorn" .. hehe. I love the way reading this forum throws up words and phrases that I have to go look up... You can imagine my face when I opened the first page for NRE.. I was like.. "omg, my life makes so much more sense now!" (that was of course after I realised you weren't talking about non-recurring engineering .. haha.. thanks guys for my ever growing knowledge bank!

Sorry.. double hijack
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 09-25-2009, 10:28 AM
Io55 Io55 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 20
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tia View Post
.You can imagine my face when I opened the first page for NRE.. I was like.. "omg, my life makes so much more sense now!" (that was of course after I realised you weren't talking about non-recurring engineering .. haha.. thanks guys for my ever growing knowledge bank!

Sorry.. double hijack
LOL
NRE took me a while to figure out too! and speaking of said energy..im feeling a renewed burst of this, with both M, and H..this is not so much a question, as it is just writing down my thoughts to make them more concrete...them breaking up is a resolution of sorts, the end of a very painful and long period for both my friends and loves..it also means that with each person, i and s/he are more free to physically and verbally express our love for each other and things are much less tense than before..so although i am sad about the end/change of a relationship that has existed between them since ive known them, i am also very happy...but i MUST remember that despite this, we are all in a grieving period. i must be patient and move slowly and be serene about the fact that the people i love are in pain, and the responsibility for diminishing that pain does not lie solely in me. (and for that matter, i am still on some level mourning the end of my previous LTR-though that relationship seems to be rekindling as a comfortable friendship)
because of long-standing self-esteem issues, and a (un)healthy dose of paranoia, when people are quiet, or seemingly upset or withdrawn, i have a tendency to spiral down into thoughts of 'is it me, what did i do wrong, how can i fix it'
and THAT kind of thought pattern is not going to be helpful to anyone right now, in this situation, where patience is the virtue thats most required
But i guess there IS a question in all this after all...when one (or more) of your loves is going through heartache, are there things you have done that were especially helpful in getting them through that difficult period? or are there things to avoid doing?
what a mess of emotions, im happy and sad and excited and worried, and frankly exhausted! (the breakup might have been theirs, but tell that to my appetite and my sleep patterns over the past couple of weeks!)

thanks again everyone, for your help, encouragement and support. having these posts as a pressure-release has been so helpful, and the replies i was not expecting, yet appreciate so much have really given me perspective! trying to keep that!
have a great day everyone,
Io
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 09-25-2009, 11:37 AM
Tia Tia is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 20
Default

Io.. I wish I could have more experience to share with you and make this easier for you... but for myself I am just entering into my first poly relationship, and I am the first "girlfriend" of my couple... and at the moment it is new & exciting & terrifying for all of us (neither myself or the "wife" have actually had any "hands on" experiences with women before either.. so it's all pretty crazy)... You sound like you're handling it in a really mature and thoughtful way though. I am certain M&H will one day see that and be so thankful (right now I guess they may be too wrapped up in thier own pain to recognise external factors)... and I am happy to be here for you in your safe & non-judgemental "venting" place .. I am sure I will need you to return the favour at some point.. haha.

I did want to make one observation about my discovery of NRE.. I wonder if anyone else found this. When I read what it was it explained so many of the mistakes I have made in my love life.... I am a total control freak, so I love to give my emotions some point of reference that makes logical sense.

Learning about NRE allowed me to forgive myself for a lot of mistakes I have made in the past... It was actually a pretty emotional moment when I realised this, and very liberating.. and it was writing to my "boyfriend's" wife which made me realise it.

Isn't life strange?
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 09-25-2009, 12:51 PM
Io55 Io55 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 20
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tia View Post
... and I am happy to be here for you in your safe & non-judgemental "venting" place .. I am sure I will need you to return the favour at some point.. haha.

I did want to make one observation about my discovery of NRE.. I wonder if anyone else found this. When I read what it was it explained so many of the mistakes I have made in my love life.... I am a total control freak, so I love to give my emotions some point of reference that makes logical sense.
Hi Tia! i am so grateful to you and everyone else for your kind words and support, and i'll be happy to return the favour! (been thinking that lately, ive been taking a lot from here, i dont really feel all that experienced enough to give back a whole lot, but i think i'll try anyway)
And i KNOW what you mean about NRE...i must say there wasnt all that much present (or at least not very intenseley) in my last LTR, as we were friends for such a long time before, and probably started becoming romantically involved at the wrong time for the wrong reasons...so i kind of foolishly assumed that what i used to feel at the beginning of other relationships had something to do with teenage hormones and emotions..boy was i WRONG! i really wasnt expecting to feel as intensely as i do about H and M, and i must say it kind of threw me through a loop! because of some personnal issues ive touched on, i also tend to feel really insecure at times, and i worry that the intensity of love that i feel may not be reciprocated...which is why i feel i have to be so careful to always remain AWARE of the other things happening in my loves lives, the stress of their present relationship state, as well as the fact that they work so hard, are often very tired and tense for reasons that have nothing to do with me...and that its not all about ME :P (i might be very self-critical, but thats still a form of narcissism:P) maybe if i put it in writing often enough itll stick in my brain when im actually with them
Glad to hear about your exciting beginning though Tia! i know all about woman-loving anxiety, M is the first woman ive really had sexual experiences with as an adult, and its terrifying and wonderful, and boy arent girls just GREAT?!
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 09-25-2009, 02:22 PM
Tia Tia is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 20
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Io55 View Post
been thinking that lately, ive been taking a lot from here, i dont really feel all that experienced enough to give back a whole lot, but i think i'll try anyway)
In my opinion you are giving as much as anyone by finding a voice and a way to express your fears and concerns, so that other people without the courage you have can learn from what is said
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 09-26-2009, 02:47 PM
Io55 Io55 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 20
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tia View Post
In my opinion you are giving as much as anyone by finding a voice and a way to express your fears and concerns, so that other people without the courage you have can learn from what is said
oh, tia, you are much too kind! no wonder you are loved on all sides
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 09-26-2009, 08:01 PM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Right here. Right now.
Posts: 649
Thumbs up

Just had a chance to read the draft of your "time to take a break" letter.

I think you are very much on the right track, especially when the other respondents' input is incorporated.

It seems to me that the main focus in situations like this should be for each partner to: 1) consider deeply what s/he really wants and needs in the relationship, 2) work to communicate those desires clearly and lovingly to each involved party, and 3) work together to see that everyone's needs/desires are addressed in a loving way. Yeah, easier said than done, I know (Brother, do I EVER know!) but so very much worth the effort.

There is much about this situation that is not yours to own or fix, as I and others have said before. And I hope you will continue to sift through the issues and separate what is "yours" and "y'all's" from what is "his," "hers" and "thier's." But it speaks very, very well of you that you do "own your shit" and are opening the lines of communication in a positive and loving way. We teach people how to treat us, and I think it is AWESOME the way you are modeling open communication to them. Good work! Keep it up!

Last edited by Fidelia; 09-26-2009 at 08:08 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 09-27-2009, 06:13 PM
XYZ123 XYZ123 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 369
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
That is good news!

I wonder why it is that on this forum we here from unicorns and men at the center of "V's" and not so much women as primaries involved in "V's?" am I crazy or is this the case?

Hyjacking the thread on this one, hope that is okay lo55? If not please say so!
I WAS a primary woman in a V relationship with my husband and gf. What would you like to hear from me, if anything?
__________________
I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 01:38 AM.