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Old 04-14-2011, 01:53 PM
Morningglory629's Avatar
Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 727
Default Change, Motivation, Negotiation- applying business concepts to a relationship

Throughout periods of change, which is just about all the time people need to concentrate on going from change avoidance to change acceptance. Stages of change:

◦Denial — cannot foresee any major changes
◦Anger- at others for what they're putting me through
◦Bargaining — work out solutions, keep everyone happy
◦Depression — is it worth it? doubt, need support
◦Acceptance — the reality

The first reaction to change is often to resist it. People get comfortable living as they always have. This comfort provides them with the security that they are the masters of their domain. Some of the things that cause them to fear change include a dislike of a disruption in their lives, looking like a fool by not being able to adapt, sometimes the business of the relationship gets harder, and as always there is a fear of losing control.

So how do loved ones help the process. By changing the questions of resistance into questions/statements of acceptance:

From “Why?” to “What new opportunities will this provide?”
When a doubter asks “why,” focus on the benefits that the change will provide them in their relationship. Do NOT feel uncomfortable if you are feeling hesitation about the change too...you are also human.

From “How will this affect me?” to “What problems will this solve?”
Anything that prevents something from being better is a problem. So identify problems and be part of the solution.

From “We never did it/planned it this way.” to “What could this new dynamic look like?”
Compassion and honest sharing. Demonstrate sustained effort in getting all the possibilities out.

From “When will this change be over so we can get back to normal?” to “What can I do to help?”
Get involved, don't disconnect or expect change to implement itself. Again be part of the process.

The art of negotiation and changing ideas...made popular by The Beatles

http://youtu.be/wX72p1gcEVM

Try to see it my way,
Do I have to keep on talking till I can't go on?
While you see it your way,
Run the risk of knowing that our love may soon be gone.


We can work it out,
We can work it out.


Think of what you're saying.
You can get it wrong and still you think that it's all right.
Think of what I'm saying,
We can work it out and get it straight, or say good night.

We can work it out,
We can work it out.

Life is very short, and there's no time
For fussing and fighting, my friend.
I have always thought that it's a crime,
So I will ask you once again.

Try to see it my way,
Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong.
While you see it your way
There's a chance that we might fall apart before too long.

We can work it out,
We can work it out.

Life is very short, and there's no time
For fussing and fighting, my friend.
I have always thought that it's a crime,
So I will ask you once again.

Try to see it my way,
Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong.
While you see it your way
There's a chance that we might fall apart before too long.

Chorus:
We can work it out,
We can work it out.
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