Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Introductions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 04-13-2011, 01:26 AM
INFJINJTgirl's Avatar
INFJINJTgirl INFJINJTgirl is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: PNW
Posts: 7
Default well hello there

Hello,

after lurking a bit I am here to get my feet wet so to speak. I am poly- quite so. Actually more so than I thought by my own revelations of myself this weekend. I desperately love two men. One- who by all definitions and perfections is my life-mate. And the other is also perfect and wonderful in different ways. One knows about how I feel for both(my life-mate), while the other...doesn't because of my own fears and insecurities and not wanting to cause harm to anyone. I am, working up the courage to tell him tomorrow and let the pieces fall where they may- be that continuing on as things are(ideal) or him distancing himself(unpleasant but honorable). I have grounded and accepted the chances of both....but it is still scary as hell.

So that's me! Hi!

My screen name is in reference to my personality types. Depending on the day I switch between those two. Lately tis the first one though. Figures :P

Cheers!
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 04-13-2011, 03:38 AM
MrFarFromRight's Avatar
MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Smack in the middle of The Spanish Revolution!
Posts: 483
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by INFJINJTgirl View Post
I desperately love two men. [...] I am, working up the courage to tell him tomorrow and let the pieces fall where they may- be that continuing on as things are(ideal) or him distancing himself(unpleasant but honorable). I have grounded and accepted the chances of both....but it is still scary as hell.
Why "ideal" that things "continue on as [they] are"? Can't you hope for them to get better? I mean: your life-mate has (hasn't he?) accepted your feelings for the other man. How about the other man being happy that you feel that way about him (and your life-mate)? How about this growing into a best-case (?) scenario: having 2 life-mates who are so happy to be with you, happy to share you, and happy about the happiness of each other?

I can be cynical about the chances of "happy-ever-after", but hey! Give it your best shot!

Welcome onboard!
__________________
If I can't dance, I want no part in your Revolution.
- Emma Goldman Anarchist and Polyamorous par excellence
The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- old Chinese proverb
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin
I'd rather have a broken heart / Than have a heart of stone.
- from "Boundless Love (A Polyamory Song)" by Jimmy Hollis i Dickson
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 04-13-2011, 08:56 PM
INFJINJTgirl's Avatar
INFJINJTgirl INFJINJTgirl is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: PNW
Posts: 7
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrFarFromRight View Post
Why "ideal" that things "continue on as [they] are"? Can't you hope for them to get better? I mean: your life-mate has (hasn't he?) accepted your feelings for the other man. How about the other man being happy that you feel that way about him (and your life-mate)? How about this growing into a best-case (?) scenario: having 2 life-mates who are so happy to be with you, happy to share you, and happy about the happiness of each other?

I can be cynical about the chances of "happy-ever-after", but hey! Give it your best shot!

Welcome onboard!
for lack of a way to properly label them I shall nickname my life-mate karma and the other gentleman stoic

last year, stoic and I talked about dating. Both of us recognized a variety of different things that would make us dating in the sense of the word of a final goal of finding a life-mate in-congruent with our life goals. So we took a different approach that we both felt suited our situations and personalities. The way things are right now work well for us and I recognize in myself that the arrangement is perfect for me and don't nor even want to change that. Living in house for a variety of reasons would not work well.

Stoic and I have been the way we are for going on two years now in a variety of forms, and knows and is quite delighted that I found a life-mate in karma. With Karma it is a different melding, and one that does fit into at some point moving in-house with me.

Stoic also (I hope) has found his life-mate and that is where my quandary comes in in bringing my own shift in feelings comes in. Part of my reasoning for wanting to tell him is that I am horrible about keeping secrets and it would effect my ability to act normally if I do not. But also a large part of it is to protect him and give him the opportunity to protect his own bond that he has developed with his potential life-mate. I do not consider myself a threat to it, but at the same time I do recognize that just because I know myself, does not mean that it would be perceived as the same in another female. Honesty being the best policy, tis better to know and recuse himself if needed than for me to however unintentionally cause damage to them.

But love, in my definition...means the willingness to put yourself in danger to protect another, to literally throw yourself under the bus if needed. This is part and parcel of that.

In a perfect world, I would be absolutely delighted to have them build their own little house out here and all of us happily share in the duties of what I do here. But that- would be a very long shot.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 04-13-2011, 09:22 PM
INFJINJTgirl's Avatar
INFJINJTgirl INFJINJTgirl is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: PNW
Posts: 7
Default

Oh, and yes Karma knows and is fully supportive, to the point he has long before this offered the services of building stoic a place here. And has mentioned that he'd be more than happy to 'bring home' whomever I need to feel whole if the situation arises.

I think Karma in our discussions of the matter actually finds it honorable and quite strong to feel as I do, and that for some reason (which I still have problems fathoming- I mean? It takes a different sort of man to deal with the likes of me-lol) Proud, that I have acknowledged these feelings to myself and told him about it. Karma also thinks that telling Stoic would be the correct choice and thinks it will go well.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 04-13-2011, 11:56 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,186
Default

Welcome aboard.
__________________
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 04-15-2011, 07:10 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,109
Default

This may get confusing. There is a member of this forum who uses the name Karma. And another who uses Carma.


Welcome!
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 04-15-2011, 08:00 AM
INFJINJTgirl's Avatar
INFJINJTgirl INFJINJTgirl is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: PNW
Posts: 7
Default

Ah yes. Will have to pick different nicknames then. If gentleman #1 and #2 ever join. the Canadian-karma work?
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 07-06-2011, 05:28 AM
KharmaCanuck KharmaCanuck is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: PNW / Vancouver, B.C.
Posts: 9
Default

KharmaCanuck will have to do. Hia lover! *waves*
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 07-06-2011, 05:32 AM
INFJINJTgirl's Avatar
INFJINJTgirl INFJINJTgirl is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: PNW
Posts: 7
Default

awww...you joined. I guess that means I should lurk less and post more
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 07-06-2011, 05:39 AM
KharmaCanuck KharmaCanuck is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: PNW / Vancouver, B.C.
Posts: 9
Default

I think we both should.... see if I can surprise you.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 07:38 PM.