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  #11  
Old 04-11-2011, 10:58 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Ya, Mono is military and that keeps me from being out in many ways. We can't go to certain parties due to pot smoking going on... no ones knows about us at his work... I get now, after two years why it would be a stupid idea to come out. I fought it, got angry about it, thought the military and everything about it is bullshit (won't comment on what I think now ) and have come out the other side thinking that really there is no point and really, there is plenty of time after Mono retires.

Its a huge man's club still from what I gather. I'm not interested in fighting that like I would of as an activist in my younger days. Being out and loud and proud. I have a son to think about, and a life to lead. Activism as I knew it bakc in the day and know of it now, is exhausting. It has it's place, but I have passed the torch to younger generations in many ways...

I do my part in other ways. That to me is how change occurs... slowly and with purpose from those who are a community, not from one hot headed red head that wants to be validated and is high on NRE.
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  #12  
Old 04-12-2011, 02:17 AM
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Ya, Mono is military and that keeps me from being out in many ways.
Luckily I can't get kicked out for how I live but the military is not very positive towards anything that brings negative attention to it's members. Besides that, I work in an environment that is very harsh and we pick on each other for fun. If some people I know were fully aware of my situation I would be pushed beyond my limits I think. I am extremely protective of family and can only take so much verbal abuse before I stop using words. I am looking forward to retirement so I can be more of myself for sure.
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  #13  
Old 04-12-2011, 02:56 AM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
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So I have been invited to visit his workplace. I think the idea is totally shite.
Is that because you don't like the idea of seeing his workplace? Guns, Tanks, and all the other big expensive built by the lowest bidder toys for big boys?

Or is it just worrying about his workplace knowing about you?

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1) I don't want it to look like he is cheating on his wife. I don't want to be the reason his men would lose respect for him. I don't think you can really respect someone you perceive as a cheater.
Wouldn't that be something he should worry about his own self? I'm sure he'll have a good handle on what the reactions would be.

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2) Being totally out to everyone is not going to be possible, nor entirely advisable. Some of his men won't get it and will lose respect.
Again, something for him to worry about.

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3) His wife isn't visiting. I don't want to if she doesn't. She alpha, I beta. It would like feel like being introduced to his parents and spending quality time with them in the hypothetical situation where his parents and his wife wouldn't be on talking terms with one another. Imposing is maybe the word I'm looking for? Over-assuming?
Has she already been there done that? Is she just not interested? It may make a difference if you're being invited instead-of her, as opposed to after her. Perhaps she really doesn't care about all the toys...or if he's been at it for a while, perhaps she's bored of the scene.

Another question...what is he inviting you to go to work for? A social lovers & sweethearts dance? Or a how & tell of things that go boom? The former, I can see the concern about having to come out to everyone. But if it's show and tell he could probably take you around and introduce you as a friend and no one would blink anymore than if you were a cousin, or the sister-in-law.

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Originally Posted by BlueWithEnvy View Post
If the military catches word of him cheating on his wife, even with her consent, he will get in a LOT of trouble. It is against our UCMJ to allow adultery. Hell you cant even have sex in any other way than Missionary if you look deep enough into our rules. Even blowjobs arent permitted. If his wife ends up getting upset about it, and wants to get him in trouble, she just has to produce your conversations and evidence of it and the notion alone is enough to get him in trouble. DO NOT DO IT.
Unless I missed something in previous posts about your situation, I wouldn't expect the US military rules to apply to another military. If he is a US serviceman, than by all means BWE has some good points I'm sure.

But if not, then it may be a continental military with a less puritanical history may be a little more tolerant, or at least less strict about the private lives of their people. That's a cultural judgement that you'd have to tell us about...and that he'd have to evaluate since it's his workplace...and his culture.
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  #14  
Old 04-12-2011, 09:54 AM
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Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion View Post
Is that because you don't like the idea of seeing his workplace? Guns, Tanks, and all the other big expensive built by the lowest bidder toys for big boys?

Or is it just worrying about his workplace knowing about you?
The latter. Always a fan of things that go boom.

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Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion View Post
Wouldn't that be something he should worry about his own self? I'm sure he'll have a good handle on what the reactions would be.

Again, something for him to worry about.
Yep, but I think he is having a massive NRE moment-of-unclarity. He feels now as if he could take on the world, but I don't want him to get kicked out on my sake.

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Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion View Post
Has she already been there done that? Is she just not interested? It may make a difference if you're being invited instead-of her, as opposed to after her. Perhaps she really doesn't care about all the toys...or if he's been at it for a while, perhaps she's bored of the scene.
She's ex-military, so perhaps she has seen all the toys? I'll have to ask.

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Another question...what is he inviting you to go to work for? A social lovers & sweethearts dance? Or a how & tell of things that go boom? The former, I can see the concern about having to come out to everyone. But if it's show and tell he could probably take you around and introduce you as a friend and no one would blink anymore than if you were a cousin, or the sister-in-law.
I think the former morphed into 42 hrs of fornication. Introducing me as his sister-in-law and then going on with the fornication would likely introduce even more complications .

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Unless I missed something in previous posts about your situation, I wouldn't expect the US military rules to apply to another military. If he is a US serviceman, than by all means BWE has some good points I'm sure.
I'll have to ask about that too. I was thinking more of the social disapproval and the whole official 'code-of-conduct' part hadn't even crossed my mind, really. Military everywhere I fear has a tendency to cling on to the most conservative parts of their mother society, even when the said society has moved way beyond that already.
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  #15  
Old 04-12-2011, 01:51 PM
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I think the former morphed into 42 hrs of fornication. Introducing me as his sister-in-law and then going on with the fornication would likely introduce even more complications .
He can fornicate at work?? See! Far less prudish than the colonies already!

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I'll have to ask about that too. I was thinking more of the social disapproval and the whole official 'code-of-conduct' part hadn't even crossed my mind, really. Military everywhere I fear has a tendency to cling on to the most conservative parts of their mother society, even when the said society has moved way beyond that already.
That's a requirement of military's anywhere...as an organization they need to maintain their form and function through one of the most stressful activities ever invented...Combat. So as a consequence, they are usually the slowest of any organization to change in the society that they represent.

They're certainly valid and probable concerns. Ask your questions, and make sure your partner is thinking with a clear head...and not the other one. On the other hand, if he's close to retiring and doesn't care much, might has well let it ride and go check out the Heavy Metal!!
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  #16  
Old 04-12-2011, 03:43 PM
BlueWithEnvy BlueWithEnvy is offline
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Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion View Post
Unless I missed something in previous posts about your situation, I wouldn't expect the US military rules to apply to another military. If he is a US serviceman, than by all means BWE has some good points I'm sure.

But if not, then it may be a continental military with a less puritanical history may be a little more tolerant, or at least less strict about the private lives of their people. That's a cultural judgement that you'd have to tell us about...and that he'd have to evaluate since it's his workplace...and his culture.
Totally something that I didnt consider. However now that it is brought up, I see that your location is other than the U.S. My apologies about the assumption
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