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  #21  
Old 04-08-2011, 06:03 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I think we all know that some people are more sexual than other as a general rule. And then, on top of that, one person will be more or less sexual at different times. I think the two are different though.

A person who is sexual might be more or less sexual depending on the partner, circumstances and way they see themselves. However that implies being sexual to begin with.

While the asexual communities seem to have some "range" (as in, the minimally sexual are welcome too, from what I know), it seems to me they mostly do not have a switch that could be turned off or on. I have no sexual attraction to women, and don't believe that it's about any self-image issue. Some don't have any sexual attraction to men. Some don't to either.

For me, the hard thing is dealing with it in everyday life, because I tend to be heavy on innuendos and talk about sex, and I might feel awkward in case they'd rather not talk about it, or simply would not "get" it.

But I don't think having no sex drive means they're flawed. To me, that's just the way they are. Sure, biologically we're sexual beings, but we're also supposed to reproduce, and that doesn't prevent people from being gay, right? I don't know, it's a minority for sure, but that doesn't mean they're "flawed" or need to be "treated".
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  #22  
Old 04-08-2011, 10:20 AM
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Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
Sure, biologically we're sexual beings, but we're also supposed to reproduce, and that doesn't prevent people from being gay, right?
And gay/asexual people can have a desire to reproduce entirely independent of their sexual orientation/lack thereof. Sex for humans (and seemingly to some other primates and large mammals) is not solely about reproduction.
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  #23  
Old 04-08-2011, 06:16 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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And gay/asexual people can have a desire to reproduce entirely independent of their sexual orientation/lack thereof. Sex for humans (and seemingly to some other primates and large mammals) is not solely about reproduction.
Oh, yeah, and you can be straight and not want kids. I was speaking only of biology, but nowadays we get around it one way or the other (with birth control and IVF for instance).
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  #24  
Old 04-11-2011, 12:05 PM
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I've been thinking rather a lot about the whole romantic love and sexual intimacy thing as it relates to me and my relationships. I think I am heterosexual but panromantic. I am attracted to a wide variety of people, even physically attracted to them, but there are few that I want full-blown sex with, and even fewer who I want to fuck... and I love fucking. Seriously.

I have a reverence for female beauty. Beautiful (and I have a pretty broad and varied definition of beauty) women make me want to wax poetic. I want to frolic with them, or snuggle up to them. I wax poetic and feel mushily romantic and/or cuddly affectionate towards people who I find attractive regardless of their genders really. I am also sexually attracted to individuals across the gender spectrum, getting a thrill from interacting with people I find beautiful and sexy. Still, I pretty much only want to fuck men, which doesn't mean I don't have those mushy, cuddly, romantic feelings toward them too.

I believe it's possible I could find myself wanting to fuck the right woman (I don't know what would make her the right woman) or person not solidly male. Thumper and I have played with gender roles a bit, which was fun.

I would certainly be open to another woman joining me and my guys (either of them or both) so long as I was also attracted to her and felt comfortable expressing physical affection and some degree of sexual affection... but I don't think I'd want to fuck her or be fucked by her... though I am not philosophically opposed to that and kinda wish I was more bisexual because lesbians are hot... lol.

So, to answer the OP, yes, I believe it is totally possible to be emotionally poly... and everything inbetween... all at the same time.
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  #25  
Old 04-11-2011, 12:19 PM
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I have a reverence for female beauty. Beautiful (and I have a pretty broad and varied definition of beauty) women make me want to wax poetic. I want to frolic with them, or snuggle up to them. I wax poetic and feel mushily romantic and/or cuddly affectionate towards people who I find attractive regardless of their genders really. I am also sexually attracted to individuals across the gender spectrum, getting a thrill from interacting with people I find beautiful and sexy. Still, I pretty much only want to fuck men, which doesn't mean I don't have those mushy, cuddly, romantic feelings toward them too.
I enjoyed your post because it reminded me of what Flattie said to me the other day while I was snuggling up to her back. 'You know, if I would go for women, I'd take someone with real tits, like you, or H, or K.' As a clarification let me add that she is lovely petite creature herself.

My mum has a theory that gay people just feel attracted to someone they wish they could be more like, or who express their gender identification in a different but exciting way from them. It's horribly biased of course but I think might have a teeny-weeny itsy-bitsy inkling of truth behind it, especially in what comes to straight people having gay crushes.
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  #26  
Old 04-11-2011, 05:11 PM
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Lol, I get gay crushes. I also get crushes on guys I don't want to have sex with. I am also physically, even sexually, attracted to people I don't want to have sex with. It's hard to explain, and I'm still contemplating it and how to articulate it.
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Last edited by Penny; 04-11-2011 at 05:11 PM. Reason: typo... damn iPad.
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  #27  
Old 04-11-2011, 06:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Penny View Post
Lol, I get gay crushes. I also get crushes on guys I don't want to have sex with. I am also physically, even sexually, attracted to people I don't want to have sex with. It's hard to explain, and I'm still contemplating it and how to articulate it.
I think, for me, when that happens, it's just a natural attraction that is pretty much a visceral, physical response, but one that for any number of reasons I do not wish to follow up on. We're human beings, we feel attractions. Sometimes it's a pull toward someone we pass in the street, and we don't know why. It could be a feeling that turns into a crush, or a friendship, but doesn't always have to turn into anything. For practical purposes, we shouldn't always act upon this very natural response we feel within ourselves for another. It's just kinda nice to enjoy it when it happens.
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  #28  
Old 04-11-2011, 08:00 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
My mum has a theory that gay people just feel attracted to someone they wish they could be more like
I think no matter your orientation, it's common to love someone you would want to be more like. You admire someone in some ways when you love them, and often you admire them because you feel you "couldn't do that".
And I've always been told that if you want to start dating or if you're looking for someone, you should become the person you would want to date. And that doesn't mean become a woman if you like women or anything like that, but become passionate, do what you like, etc.
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  #29  
Old 04-11-2011, 08:36 PM
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I think no matter your orientation, it's common to love someone you would want to be more like. You admire someone in some ways when you love them, and often you admire them because you feel you "couldn't do that".
AKA: Opposites Attract. Think magnets, simple physics . I think in relationships, it's a matter of being able to create balance.

To answer the OP questions. ABSOLUTELY! In fact this is my situation. My husband has a lady friend, they are NOT sexual in any form, but they definitely have an emotional connection that goes much deeper than mear friendship. They refer to is as more of a brother/sister type relationship, mostly because that label doesn't infer anything "inappropriate" and that is what she is comfortable with. When my marriage was struggling, I did feel threatened by their emotional intimacy.
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