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  #61  
Old 04-07-2011, 06:11 AM
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MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
As for friends, I am quite honest-sometimes brutally so I've been told.
And yes,
I seem quite capable of making friends online.

I honestly think that part of the issue is that people are more willing and able to be honest online (with their REAL lives in anonymity) than they are in real life. If you know what I mean.

That's fine-until you are face to face. Then it gets a bit complicated.
Soooooooo............. let's see how honest we can be with each other (but not necessarily brutal, you know how I feel about BDSM) when you come to visit. Keep practicing the long walks with SourPea! You got any mountains to practice on?
J
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  #62  
Old 04-07-2011, 10:12 PM
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We do have mountains to practice on, but not til the snow melts. I don't own skis or snowshoes.
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  #63  
Old 04-09-2011, 11:50 PM
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Lame weekend.

Maca cancelled our Friday date on account of his room having a twin size bed and both of us having back pain.

He came out today to pick the kids up. We sat here together (the two of us) for an awkward and stilted couple of hours. Now they're on the way to town.

Today is 18 years for GG and I. He's on call for work and has to go out later to do some work stuff. No plans.

So-just a lame day, lame weekend, lame week.

Suffice it to say, I'm not looking forward to the rest of the month either.
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  #64  
Old 04-10-2011, 01:10 AM
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Hugs!
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  #65  
Old 04-10-2011, 02:29 AM
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Default *WARNING!! TMI about time of the month issues*

Thanks. I had a nice talk on the phone with my mom today. GG is working on printing up my mom's invitations to her graduation (college), so she can send them out this week. She's pretty excited.

Unfortunately, my sister brought it to my attention that my stepmother sent our oldest son a FB message. Told him that my dad and her deposited money in his bank account (bday gift). That would be fine, except they neglected to even call the younger son for his bday (in February) and we have always had a TIGHT rule on playing favorites particularly since we have a "his, mine and ours" household. It just creates animosity between the kids.

Soooooo, now there's this stupid mess to talk about.

Maca told me Thursday that the reason he doesn't talk to me is because I always want to talk about "problems"...

I'm so frustrated. I don't want to talk about problems. It's just OUR JOB TO RESOLVE the damn problems in our family, how the hell do we do that together if we don't talk about it?

I feel like sitting down to cry. I'd go take a bath, but the hormones FINALLY got around to starting my time of the month and the idea of sitting in icky water.... well that's icky.

I don't know what to say to Maca right now.

I understand we need time to "just be" (which is what our Friday nights are supposed to be, "date night"). But, there's also a lot of fucking shit that needs to be dealt with in order for our family to be able to get on track together. PLUS all of the NORMAL day to day b.s. that has to be negotiated and handled in a family....
What the hell am I supposed to do? I just don't know.

I don't feel like I can say ANYTHING now. If I say ANYTHING-it's going to relate somehow to a "problem" we need to deal with... but the other option is to "surface" the conversations into 1st or 2nd level (reference from The 7 Levels of Intimacy book by Matthew Kelly) of intimacy, which is basically worthless in terms of a deep meaningful relationship.

I admittedly feel pretty fucking hopeless right now regarding our relationship-which in turn impacts everything else in my life.

It's GG and my's anniversary. But, honestly, what I really want to do tonite is have a drink, curl up in my sleeping bag and go to sleep.... by myself. I don't feel like being someone's lover. I just want to be alone.


That doesn't seem so fair to GG. But, it may be what I do anyway, because it's my job to take care of me right?
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  #66  
Old 04-10-2011, 04:01 AM
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Hmm. LR, first of all to say someone is "always" doing this or that is obviously an exaggeration. Of course, that's not all you talk about, but you are the manager of the household, a 24-hour job, and need to discuss things with your partners.

And besides, you don't have to hold back and censor what you need to talk about just because Maca is uncomfortable with hearing it. At the risk of sounding kinda funny and convoluted, his problem with your "always" talking about "problems" is just that -- his problem, but he's tried to make it your problem, as if you now need to change your behavior. But that's a passive-aggressive way to get out of the responsibility of listening to you, truly hearing what you have to say, and doing what needs to be done. I don't think he did this purposely, he's probably just not comfortable with consistently looking at issues, I guess.

But really, as long as you communicate clearly and lovingly, you shouldn't have to change a thing. Why doesn't he try changing his perspective and approach to hearing what you need to tell him? Since he is the one who sees your need to discuss important family and relationship matters as a problem, I would say he's the one who need to work on it.


((((BIG HUGS))))
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Last edited by nycindie; 04-10-2011 at 04:19 AM.
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  #67  
Old 04-11-2011, 05:21 AM
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I don't believe that there's much point in saying I'm in a poly-relationship anymore.
Maca has acknowledged to me today that he is in fact distancing himself from me and pulling away from me. He says it's because he doesn't want to see (or hear about) my relationship with GG.

I'm hurt.

Our conversation ended when he said, "I don't rape you every day". Yes, that's true. But, I don't cheat or lie every day either. In fact I haven't done so in 18 months and he's acknowledged that he has continued to struggle with being fully honest with me.

He doesn't see the comparison, I can't not see the comparison.
It's beyond destructive for me that he continues to excuse his past mistakes by saying that he doesn't do it anymore.
But, he can't forgive me my past mistakes even though he knows I don't do it anymore either.

I don't see any way to resolve our differences. I've searched and attempted to find ways that I can change to make things easier for him. I've tried to help him find ways to learn to deal with me.

But, the bottom line is-he hates GG. He believes he has every right to hate GG, which is true. I believe that hating GG is only destroying our lives, which is also true. There's nothing left for me to do.

After he sped out of the driveway this evening, leaving our kids in emotional upheaval again, I texted him that from now on we can make exchanges of the kids somewhere else, but I don't want him to come back to the house or driveway anymore.

My heart is broken.
I have lost faith in relationships.
I have lost faith in trying.
I've lost hope.

If it wouldn't be more devastating for the kids, I'd end the relationship with GG as well. I simply don't want to have a romantic relationship at all. However, I think that GG and I can manage to terminate the romantic relationship without him having to abandon the family. So, that is what I intend to do.
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  #68  
Old 04-11-2011, 05:41 AM
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I'm so sorry, LR. (((Hugs)))
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  #69  
Old 04-11-2011, 06:03 AM
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WTF??? What happened? I thought you two were moving toward some sort of better, more mindful place where things were being repaired. Wasn't that the point of moving out, making all those lists, working on stuff together and separately?

How can he hate GG after he saw the good things he did for the family when your daughter was having her baby? Didn't Maca praise and express appreciation for GG when he saw what a stand-up guy he is?

What could have caused this turn-around, I wonder? Do you think he's being influenced by someone with poisonous opinions?

Omigosh, I am so sorry, LR!!! But don't make any decisions now, really, you're in no state for decision-making. Just be. I wouldn't break it off with GG if I were you, he has always been so supportive, don't leave yourself dangling with no one.

(((((((BIG, GIANT HUGS)))))))
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  #70  
Old 04-11-2011, 10:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
My heart is broken.
I have lost faith in relationships.
I have lost faith in trying.
I've lost hope.

If it wouldn't be more devastating for the kids, I'd end the relationship with GG as well. I simply don't want to have a romantic relationship at all. However, I think that GG and I can manage to terminate the romantic relationship without him having to abandon the family. So, that is what I intend to do.
Oh fuck, this is bad.

Distance & time. Don't make life-altering decisions right now. If you break up with anyone at this point it might be hard to take back later.
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