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Old 04-06-2011, 03:49 AM
DobleVida13 DobleVida13 is offline
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Location: Monrovia, CA
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Smile Can this really work?

Hello all,

As you may have already deduced, I'm new to the forum and to the whole notion of polyamory, but have recently met someone who has inspired me to give it some serious thought.

Essentially, my husband and I decided to open up our relationship a few years ago. It was more of an experiment in pushing sexual boundaries and introducing new partners into our intimacy. Unfortunately, I was left feeling a little empty. Although I had had casual sexual relationships in the past, they always left me feeling the same way in the end - a little empty. We talked about it and I decided that the next time I did something like that, it would be with someone with whom I could create a loving, emotional bond. My husband understands that need and is not threatened by it (at least that's what he says). I need love and I have a lot of love to give.

Recently, I went looking for that special bond and met someone amazing. We formed an instant rapport and are very easy around each other. It's all very new and while both my husband and new friend have met and seem to be getting along, I know that there will come a day when they will disagree about something and I'll be caught in between both of them. The relationship dynamic between two people is challenging enough, let alone three.

Can this really work?
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Old 04-06-2011, 09:22 AM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 906

Hullo and welcome!

Do a tag search on 'vees' and maybe 'secondary/secondaries/primary/primaries' as well and see what comes up.

What can you think of as being immediate sources of disagreement between your beaus?
Me: bi female in my twenties
Dating: Moonlightrunner
Metamour: Windflower
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Old 04-06-2011, 08:04 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Location: Canada
Posts: 7,701

Welcome. Yes it can work.

There are a lot of great threads that could be very helpful. BU suggested some, and there are also ones on "lessons" and "foundations" that are good too.

Good luck
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Old 04-06-2011, 09:40 PM
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MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
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Location: Ping-ponging around Europe, trying to get a publishing concern off the ground
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Originally Posted by DobleVida13 View Post
Can this really work?
Can it blow up in your face? Yes.
Are you and your 2 loves willing to put some effort into making it work? Only the 3 of you can answer this... And actions speak louder than words.
Nobody's given a guarantee of success on any relationship - mono or poly - or if they are, the guarantee won't stand up in a court of law (or a "court of love").
Be positive. Don't look for problems that aren't there.
If I can't dance, I want no part in your Revolution.
- Emma Goldman Anarchist and Polyamorous par excellence
The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- old Chinese proverb
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin
I'd rather have a broken heart / Than have a heart of stone.
- from "Boundless Love (A Polyamory Song)" by Jimmy Hollis i Dickson
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Old 04-06-2011, 11:05 PM
Temptress Temptress is offline
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 6

New relationships can be scary, and there will always be worries. The best way to head it off is through open communication. If you think something might be an issue no matter how small it might be I would talk about it with your other partners.
So yes it can work, but all of you have to work at it.
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Old 04-07-2011, 01:23 AM
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Penny Penny is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 143

Yes, it can work. I have been with my husband for 11 years and with my boyfriend for almost 9 months now. So far, so fantastic. It just keeps getting better and better. They have a really good relationship and my husband has stated that he thinks of my boyfriend as part of the family, which is totally cool by me.
Hinge of a V relationship with my husband (Thumper) and boyfriend (T-Rex). Also, mother of a 6 y/o girl by my husband.

My poly story begins here. Now with new blogging action!
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Old 04-10-2011, 05:59 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 9,305

Originally Posted by DobleVida13 View Post
. . . while both my husband and new friend have met and seem to be getting along, I know that there will come a day when they will disagree about something and I'll be caught in between both of them.
Well, don't make your worries into a self-fulfilling prophecy! You never really know what the future holds. Yes, relationships are challenging, and the challenges could be quite be different from what one would expect in a monogamous relationship, but your two men might very well be compatible as friends. It's possible that any disagreements would be so much less stressful than you are now imagining they would be. I agree with MrFarFromRight when he said not to look for problems that aren't there.

Human beings tend to project into the future about what problems there might be, but we so often to forget that the future can be more wonderful than we could have ever hoped for!

Have you read any of the threads in the Blogs section? You might want to check out TruckerPete's and Indigomontoya's story, as well as Penny's, and Rarechild's/Charlie's/Catfish's. They are all in similar configurations to yours and their experiences and willingness to express what their processes have been are all very inspiring. Vodkafan doesn't have a blog but look for his posts, as he and his wife have really made their vee work quite well for them.

All the best to you! Keep coming here & asking questions!
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

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Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
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