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  #21  
Old 09-22-2009, 05:04 AM
NIMchimpsky NIMchimpsky is offline
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I say just ignore those people. I ignore those people along with the homophobes and the transphobes, etc.

Then again ignoring pointing fingers is a whole lot easier when you're deafblind.

I really like what sweetie said. The only people whose opinion matters are the ones you take home and the ones that care about you and love you.

nim
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  #22  
Old 09-22-2009, 10:22 AM
Tia Tia is offline
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I think if they love you, and you present as happy and centered when you tell them, then they should be happy for you - but they can still worry. My mother ALWAYS worries about me when I talk about a new boyfriend (and my father gets terribly uncomfortable.. I think because he doesn't like the thought of me having sex.. haha).

Now I am opening myself to polyamory I don't expect that to change (though I am sure my mother will gossip about me much more with her husband when I tell her about my new girlfriend AND boyfriend.. haha)...

But sadly our loved ones often have their own insecurities & demons which they might project onto our situations. If you care about your relationship with these people then it's worth remembering that and maybe being patient and more than a little forgiving I think. Let them see you all together.. and how truly happy and at ease you are.. how much you love & support each other... it might make them less judgemental...

There is also (I have found from the friends I've told this last few weeks) a BIG propensity to associate poly attitudes with a desire/freedom for promiscuity. Ha.. I just laugh with them.. let them have their little envious fantasies (I don't blame them tbh, my new loves are both STUNNING!).

In time they will see how dedicated I am to my loves. That I'm not sleeping around and that we are all an important part of each others lives. I am just learning about this lifestyle myself, and my acceptance of it didn't happen instantly. It would be very unfair of me to expect theirs to.

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  #23  
Old 09-22-2009, 12:33 PM
XYZ123 XYZ123 is offline
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I don't deal with it. I tell people on a "need to know" basis. Or if I feel they will handle it well. Most of my friends know, with the exception of people whos friendship is based more on their child's relationship with my son. I don't feel a need to tell them since the friendship on our part is more superficial and the only person who will be really affected by their opinion is my child. Quite a few of my family members know. I've told the ones I know are more accepting. But there are others in my family who still think interracial marriage is taboo-forget gay or poly or anything else. Aside from my father (who thinks this way) I really have nothing to do with those relatives. My dad I haven't told directly but I try very hard to break down his prejudice whenever I get the chance. He's accepting my husband is Hispanic and sis's fiance is black so it's progress. People I CHOOSE to have in my life for myself know. Because I chose them in part for their open minds and acceptance of others. I try not to associate with judgmental and closed minded people whenever possible. And no one needs to know whom I don't want to tell.

Right now my husband and I are again in a mono relationship, so it isn't a big deal not to run around being open about poly. Should we form another relationship we'll worry about it then.
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  #24  
Old 09-23-2009, 12:23 AM
Nyx Nyx is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YGirl View Post

Having said all that, I am not "practicing" a polyamorous lifestyle at this time, but I do cat rescue, and people judge me for that, so I do know what I am talking about after all.
Yeah we know all about you cat rescue people....!!
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  #25  
Old 09-23-2009, 02:04 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
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Yeah we know all about you cat rescue people....!!
I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean?
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  #26  
Old 09-23-2009, 04:22 PM
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WaywardDruid WaywardDruid is offline
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Red face Help - Rescue Me



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  #27  
Old 09-24-2009, 01:27 AM
Aaronp Aaronp is offline
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I keep reading about how much prejudice there is towards us but in my own personal experience it has been minimal. Sure people have a hard time understanding sometimes, but I have been pleasantly surprised at how well my friends have taken it. The worst reaction so far was a friend who argued with me that "she's not your girlfriend! You guys are just fuck buddies".
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  #28  
Old 09-24-2009, 06:12 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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people have written women great stuff in these threads

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=721

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=220

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=728

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=698

Sorry, all but one are started by me. I know what I have written about and remember what is on them... hope that you find something helpful.

I have recently been going through coming out to my mother who hasn't talked to me in 3 1/2 weeks now. It breaks my heart on one level but makes me stronger on another in that we have had remarkable support from others. Being oneself always comes out as the best option as far as I'm concerned. Those who don't have the capacity to love you for who you are, without condition, without expectation always seem to come to the fore front and are the only ones that matter, no matter who they are.... I go to where the love is myself
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  #29  
Old 09-24-2009, 10:32 PM
Nyx Nyx is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean?
I don't know! It's a little playful sarcasm because I couldn't figure out what anyone would be prejudiced about towards someone who does cat rescue, I guess....haha. It was meant to be a joke, sorry if I offended you. It only rang a bell with me because I have done cat rescue in the past and never encountered any social problems because of it.......
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  #30  
Old 09-24-2009, 10:39 PM
Nyx Nyx is offline
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Re: the thread, though....my sister just called my bf "sleazy" today because of some stuff I told her that is going on. That one stung. I know my family doesn't like my bf at all because of the way he is - they see him as being phony, slutty, unfair, disloyal, dishonest, etc, etc, etc. Oh well. They don't know him like I know him. And the good thing is they stay out of it for the most part. Aside from some name-calling and "ewwww" reactions, they at least don't hold it against me.

I am sorry for redpepper, how your mother won't talk to you now that you told her? I can't imagine how that would hurt.

I actually have a date with a new person this weekend, and I am a little worried how to handle it. I am just going to take it easy, but I am wondering if something more develops how I would face my family....I'm afraid of them saying "ewww now you're doing it too??"
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