Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 09-23-2009, 12:24 AM
XYZ123 XYZ123 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 369
Default

Rarechild- Yes, he spoke his mind. He was honest in his feelings. Communication and honesty has been established. She now knows how he feels and he isn't "protecting" her anymore. Ok. Good. So everything is out there in the open. Now drop it. Let her come around when and if she's ready. Nothing good is going to come from having her watch MTV, read all about poly, watch youtube, etc. right now. It sounds like pressure she doesn't need.

Moose, I'm glad you were honest and a dialogue was opened. But, I agree with YGirl. It seems like you're trying to get some sort of permission from the members here to keep pursuing this RIGHT NOW. Right now you need to focus on your baby first, your wife second (I get the concept of make yourself happy first but she is in postpartum right now and very vulnerable) and then what YOU want and need. At this moment I highly doubt she'll see anything she can get from adding another relationship. She's exhausted, postpartum, probably feels horrible about her body, and most likely has no sex drive. To continue to bring up something she seems silent on just seems like pressure, like an attempt to shove it down her throat. You can put this off while you get used to your new baby, a huge adjustment in itself. I'm sorry, but anything else is selfish right now imo.
__________________
I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 09-23-2009, 12:35 PM
moose moose is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5
Default

actually i'm not looking for permission from the members. i'm sorry if this is how i came off. I must agree with rarechild that i don't think you can't hold off on communication. That in itself will lead to an unhealthy relationship. My wife and I are actually doing very well mentally and physically with the adjustment. She is not stressed out, or think she looks horrible or ect. I would have some sensethat if i came home to a crying or distressed woman to keep my mouth shut. Yes i do put my wife and my baby girl first, but in general my aspect on life is to put my mental and physical well being first so i am able to provide what they need. I had her whatch that mtv segment b/c i don't have alot of sources for information to point her towards. Like i said i am going to give her some time now to think it over before i bring the topics up agian. i'm not trying to rush things, this is something i've had stewing in my head for sometime now. Yes i would be lying if it was something i said i didn't want, but its something i truely do think we should explore together as one. I think there is always that fantasy scenerio, but to me that is fantasy alone. i guess at this point all i'm looking for is places where i can learn more and become more informed about the lifesytle.

Last edited by moose; 09-23-2009 at 12:38 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 09-23-2009, 06:01 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
Default

It seems that all my peeps out there have said it all. In that I would not be approaching poly with a three week old baby. Not to mention the approach of using them as a "tool" or with the idea that you think you have a great thing going and think its worth sharing. As if they would be a puppet of your desire.

You are starting a journey that you are new to. When babies are born it seems common that their parents go through a time when they scramble to get some sense of their own life back. As baby gets older and routines and patterns are established it becomes harder and harder to have ones own life. It feels like it will never come to an end and then one day they become outwardly focussed on the world instead inwardly focussed on Mum and Dad. You will find you have a chance to do your own thing again.

My experince in poly and raising a child, until age six so far, has been that before my baby I had lots of time to explore the lifestyle. I had my boy and for a good three years it was all about him and our family. When he was age four to five I got my life back together. Got my body back to normal, got back into my work, established new friendships that revolved around kids and family more and then branched out into poly again.

The first five years are meant to be for bonding time and for them and you to establish places in the family. I'm big into "attachment theory." which you can goggle to find out more.

I hear you when you say you are communicating and that you are mearly talking about it but I strongly suggest that you keep your line of thought about taking time. When it comes down to an actual relationship its a whole new ball game. Living it is different than talking about it.

All that we, on this forum, have written on about our experiences in poly is real and very intense. It would be doing your wife and child a dis-service if you were to get too excited and into searching for anyone, regardless if they are a friend already or not.

Frankly, if someone I am friends with approached me three weeks after their baby was born to start a poly relationship I would immediately end the friendship. You can't go back from that sort of thing.

If I were your wife I wouldn't have the energy to even object at this point and if you were to ask me if you can go out to search for a unicorn I would give you one big "Ya NO"

I'm glad you are looking into it and am happy you have found poly appealing, good luck to you in starting that up five years from now!
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 08:30 AM.