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  #41  
Old 04-01-2011, 11:27 AM
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MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
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My niece has forgiven him for that. I probably never will.
hard to forgive him when he's never apologised or repented of saying it.
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  #42  
Old 04-01-2011, 05:51 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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hard to forgive him when he's never apologised or repented of saying it.


That is not how forgiveness works. Forgiveness is about the person doing the forgiving, not the one being forgiven. Come on, you know that.
  #43  
Old 04-01-2011, 07:27 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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My wife are a bit different....We have a mentality of......FUCK EM! If they can't take a joke, fuck em....and if they can't take a fuck....JOKE EM! LOL

Honestly though...We told HER parents...They were supportive. As was my mom....and our kids....and our friends. Now, not everyone completely UNDERSTANDS or agrees with our lifestyle, but they ALL understand that L and I are deeply in love, and if this helps us to keep that flame alive, then GREAT! Some of our friends have said "No way I could do that!" To which we respond with "It doesn't work for everyone, and while you are good looking and cute, we're not trying to pick you up." whihc sets them at ease.

Take it with a grain of salt and let the chips fall where they may. Let whoever wants to out you, out you if they want to. They will eventually anyway.......
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  #44  
Old 04-01-2011, 09:55 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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That is not how forgiveness works. Forgiveness is about the person doing the forgiving, not the one being forgiven. Come on, you know that.
I think it's much easier forgiving someone if they are sorry for the harm they've done. I don't think apologizing is always enough for me to forgive someone, but it certainly is necessary (provided I was upset in the first place, that is. Which I am not easily).
  #45  
Old 04-06-2011, 12:14 PM
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MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
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Originally Posted by MrFarFromRight View Post
hard to forgive him when he's never apologised or repented of saying it.
That is not how forgiveness works. Forgiveness is about the person doing the forgiving, not the one being forgiven. Come on, you know that.
I know that's true: but I also don't think that forgiveness is always the correct thing to do. And it this case (my brother's whole attitude to just about everything stinks... AND he's so self-righteous about it all), I have no wish to forgive him. I don't think it would make me a better or kinder person... or relieve me of a weight that bothers me. I'm quite content to remain (in (t)his case) unforgiving.
__________________
If I can't dance, I want no part in your Revolution.
- Emma Goldman Anarchist and Polyamorous par excellence
The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- old Chinese proverb
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin
I'd rather have a broken heart / Than have a heart of stone.
- from "Boundless Love (A Polyamory Song)" by Jimmy Hollis i Dickson
  #46  
Old 04-06-2011, 12:25 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by MrFarFromRight View Post
I know that's true: but I also don't think that forgiveness is always the correct thing to do. And it this case (my brother's whole attitude to just about everything stinks... AND he's so self-righteous about it all), I have no wish to forgive him. I don't think it would make me a better or kinder person... or relieve me of a weight that bothers me. I'm quite content to remain (in (t)his case) unforgiving.
I never said that forgiving makes you a better person, or that forgiving is "better" than not forgiving, or that you MUST forgive someone.

I really don't care if you forgive your brother or not.
  #47  
Old 04-07-2011, 12:53 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Me, I'm hanging my head right now. I am afraid for his family to know. They're important to me and their disapproval would bother me a whole lot. I like them more than most of my family.

I'm afraid of the unknown of telling them weeks before our wedding. I just have a hard time believing everything will be okay. It feels more like stepping off a cliff.
Some advice -- don't let them see you hanging your head. Other people will take their cues from you. If you break the news to them as if you're saying something you're ashamed of... as if you're saying "I cheated on my fiance"... that's how they'll hear it. They might even assume that's what happened, or that he cheated on you and you're just trying to grin and bear it.

Most people are unfamiliar with this sort of situation and they'll need some guidance to figure out whether this is a great thing or an awful one. I can't tell you not to FEEL bad, but you'll make it so, so much worse if you show it. I'm all about honesty in relationships, but in this sort of scenario? Fake it til you make it, all the way!

You don't need to be out and proud on top of the biggest float in the parade or anything, just act in a way that is open, firm, unashamed, unafraid, and let your love for your fiance AND your gf shine through. It's the ONLY way people will respect you. Some might even give you a hard time now but reflect on your positive demeanor later and think "maybe it really is ok." Whereas if they see you hanging your head they'll dismiss whatever words you say and fill in the space with "she's miserable because she's doing something that's sooo messed up."

Of course this is all complicated by the fact that the three of you might not stay together. But that's ok, believe it or not. Don't let yourself worry about what other people think when it comes to this interpersonal question, or you'll regret it deeply. Keep trying to make it work if you think it's worth it, let her go and just be friends if it's not. It's so, so tempting to factor in what other people will think but I promise you... I've done that before and I regret it more than anything else in my life, still. You can't let it matter when it comes to this and, in the end, it probably won't change people's opinions much one way or the other.
  #48  
Old 04-07-2011, 01:14 AM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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