Veto Power...?

[Morningglory629]

Originally Posted by TruckerPete

I equate veto power to a sort of panic button. It allows one partner to pull the plug without any need to work through their own emotions or have a dialogue with their SO about concerning behaviour, etc.

Want poly without the work? Try Veto™*!



*side effects may include: resentment from your partner, treating others as disposible objects, never learning to deal with shit

TP you are hilarious! Love your posts!

[LovingRadiance]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

As a secondary involved with a couple who have a child, I would completely accept the concept of Veto Power for them if the stability of their family was at stake. The child and those who are responsible to provide a stable and healthy environment come first. Then again I believe marriages come first as well...I would just go into a relationship with my eyes open to the idea that my impact would be less than that of the married/established or parenting couple. In order to do that you have to "want" to be with the partner and not "need" to be with them in a specific way.

I'm weird..I know

I dont know if you are weird or not. I agree that the stability of the family has to come first.
BUT-if my husband isn't providing a stable environment for the family-it's HIM that needs to go, not his lover that needs to be veto'd by me.

IF his lover is a detriment to the family-then he should handle that.

Of course-that's not an issue for me, because his lover is the most amazing woman I've met.

BUT-I still hold to it being his responsibility to make that decision as a responsible party in the family.

Likewise-it's my responsibility in the family.

Veto power allows the wrong person to have 100% control over the staying or going of another. (IMHO)

But-you know I love you Mon. So you be your weird self. hehehe

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance

But-you know I love you Mon. So you be your weird self. hehehe

you'ld better..my astral projection just saw you in the shower! I think you winked at me too

[LovingRadiance]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

you'ld better..my astral projection just saw you in the shower! I think you winked at me too

You SAW!

Damn, did you see the pic of you and your Harley on the wall too?
SHIT! I was trying to keep that secret.

heheheheh

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance

You SAW!

Damn, did you see the pic of you and your Harley on the wall too?
SHIT! I was trying to keep that secret.

heheheheh

I wouldn't have noticed if it wasn't for all the candles burning around it...and the lip stick kisses

Enough Hi-jacking!

[redpepper]

I think that doing as I would want to have done to me is the best bet for me. I would not want to be told flat off to just fuck off because someones wife or whomever else decides I am not what "they" want for their partner... that is bullshit to me. But, I would be very willing to negotiate something that works better for a partner that is struggling or even decide to let the relationship go because I can see they have far too much to work on before being truly ready for what poly brings to ones life.

There is no way in hell I would accept a partner of mines veto. I have come too far

I think veto and primary/secondary language and descriptions are for newbies. Those who are stuck in the realm of relationships where one owns another and isn't able to let go of that just yet. It's based on fear and that, I think, needs to be broached before stepping into being an individual in ones relationship... I get that. I don't operate like that, but I get it... we are fed it in every bit of pop culture there is... it's hard not to get it. I just don't do that, is all.

[redpepper]

there are several threads on this if one were to do a tag search for "veto" and "veto power" btw....

[Morningglory629]

Originally Posted by redpepper

I think veto and primary/secondary language and descriptions are for newbies. Those who are stuck in the realm of relationships where one owns another and isn't able to let go of that just yet. It's based on fear and that, I think, needs to be broached before stepping into being an individual in ones relationship... I get that. I don't operate like that, but I get it... we are fed it in every bit of pop culture there is... it's hard not to get it. I just don't do that, is all.

Perfect break down of how that language can damage.

[GroundedSpirit]

Originally Posted by MindfulAgony

..............
In the end, if you can't trust my judgment about people, you need to be willing to work with me as I learn to be a better judge. Deciding for me is not particularly helpful. I realize that this willingness might not be without some pain. But, it is pain that could help strengthen the relationship because of the trust given, wisdom shared, and stick with me through those growing pains.

If I'm a fool and can't learn, then you might as well get out while you can anyway...

This is a good summation I think MA.......

Because of the control dynamics involved, one of the basics of poly involves giving up that control option.
And I know that in many cases, after you do that, your example is the way that's left to flow.
You either choose to accept SOME risk and try to work towards something better long term - or you call a spade a spade - and bail !

Every situation is unique and everyone's willingness or ability to risk is different. So the "bail point" moves..........

GS

[MindfulAgony]

Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit

This is a good summation I think MA.......

Because of the control dynamics involved, one of the basics of poly involves giving up that control option.
And I know that in many cases, after you do that, your example is the way that's left to flow.
You either choose to accept SOME risk and try to work towards something better long term - or you call a spade a spade - and bail !

Every situation is unique and everyone's willingness or ability to risk is different. So the "bail point" moves..........

GS

Glad it resonated with you. I like the way you put a finer point on it. Giving up control, taking some risk, and committing to growth is inherent in making this shift.