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  #1  
Old 03-27-2011, 05:24 PM
azrael azrael is offline
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Default A lot all at once

So I suppose my first post should be eye catching, overwhelmingly interesting, and down right cool. Well it won't be, I'll just give a little info on myself. I'm 31 , married to a wonderful and amazing woman, and a father of five. Did I mention my wife and I date the same girl? I suppose that is what this blog will mostly be about. We are poly although I hate labels and our brand is most likely different. We are just setting off on this journey and I think its important to document it. Let's just throw in me being a Christian and a conservative. Once again labels but perhaps unique. Right now the " how we got here" is not a topic I wish to delve into, suffice it to say my marriage is safe, secure, and satisfying to us both. Then why be poly you ask? That's a very good question with a very complex answer, when I figure it all out I'll be sure to post it right away. Being very new to this I obviously have many concerns and questions. For instance, how much of this should my children know? My family? My friends? One thing I don't have a concern with is being poly, Christian , and conservative. What is a conservative really? Different people have different beliefs on the subject I suppose. To me it means believing I am free. Free to live my life the best I know how. Free to pursue my own happiness. Free to determine who, how many, and the way in which I love people. Free to raise my children, my sons, in a way that will bring five hardworking , honest, honorable, and well adjusted men into society. I don't need someone from a government institution to tell me if its ok to date a woman with my wife's knowledge. I don't need a government body to confirm my marriage with a piece of paper. And I Damn sure don't need one to tell me how to raise my children. Being a Christian , means to follow Christ. I'm afraid the most influential person in history neglected to mention monogamy. I wonder why.... Could it be, that in that time period there were no polyamorous relationships so no need to mention it? Not the case, despite the term polyamorous being new the practice is as old as mankind. My theory is that Jesus had a short time to cover a lot of material and left the rest to common sense. By the way, I'm very out spoken and think I know more than I do. I hope to get a comment or some questions at some point so feel free.
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  #2  
Old 03-28-2011, 12:03 AM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Welcome to the forum.
Better insert paragraph breaks, before the posting-police come after you.

I find your small bit of history interesting. Not many of us left, who embrace open relationships, yet haven`t abandoned Christianity.
Very cool.
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Old 03-28-2011, 01:08 AM
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ray ray is offline
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Hi Azrael,

I come from an evangelical, Christian, conservative home. For a long time I retained the christian (I've never been too conservative) but I had a difficult time reconciling it with the poly. I've never told any of my family and very few of my Christian friends. I miss my faith and I'm still trying to work all of this out for myself. Kudos to you for feeling confident and secure in your decisions. For me, it may just be that Christianity and I had some issues before this anyway. I hope that someday i'll figure out what I believe.

I think that many people like to believe that their interpretation of the Bible is the best or the most correct. I do believe that all texts, whether divinely inspired or not, require every human being to interpret it. The Bible has been interpreted in many different ways over history and it is not unreasonable to believe that there many be things that will change in their interpretation.

In general, the christian world is not kind to the poly/queer/kink communities. For the reason, I tend to keep quiet about these subjects in those circles. When I encounter individuals who are more open minded, I will sometimes come out to them.
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Old 03-28-2011, 04:14 PM
azrael azrael is offline
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Sorry about the paragraphs I'll pay better attention in the future. I'm thankful for the responses and hope to get more. I agree that everyone may have a different interpretation of the scripture. I suppose mine is no better or worse than anyone else's.
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Old 03-28-2011, 05:35 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SourGirl View Post
Not many of us left, who embrace open relationships, yet haven`t abandoned Christianity.
Very cool.
Me! However, I have pulled away from "The Church" as a whole. It was a long 5+ year struggle and as soon as I began embracing all the things the church was fighting so hard against (especially my mother), I was able to find a peace with God and Christianity that I didn't know before. I have made the mistake of trying to vocalize my revelations to my mother , totally not worth it. I have to remind myself to just smile and nod .

I highly recommend the book "Divine Sex: Liberating Sex from Religous Tradition". It is written by a retired pastor and the whole focus is to prove that most of the traditional church teachings about sex are NOT Biblical. It is very Biblically oriented I find it great to get validation for conclusions I came to on my own, but didn't have the "reference" to back it up.
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  #6  
Old 04-03-2011, 05:21 PM
azrael azrael is offline
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Default The girlfriend

So I mentioned my wife and I have been dating a girl for a couple of weeks. She actually made contact with us on a popular dating website. We took that route to meet someone because the only other option we saw was a swingers club. Although fun these tend to be more sexually oriented. It's a fun time but casual sex is not what we are looking for at all.

Meeting this girl has seemed to me like fate, a family situation came up that was truly trying for us and S, as we will call her , stepped up to help without even knowing us well. This has endeared her to me greatly and caused all of her qualities to shine even more brightly. My wife and I both are very much into her and she likes us as well. What are the chances that the first person we date in a triad arrangement would be this compatible? This interesting? This fun to be around? Perhaps its this new relationship energy I've read about. But as of now things, despite our little family emergency, are going well. I have that feeling that you get, its hard to explain, it is like the future is bright and sunny. That things may slip into place to create a beautiful mosaic. Yeah its cheesy, yeah its idealistic, yeah odds are against it. But what were the chances the girl I met in band in high-school would be my soul mate? Is it even possible to meet two people like that in one life?

This is all speculation and of course we are moving things along slowly. Maddening slow. But that's the smartest way to move and its comfortable for all involved. What would be great is if someone with experience in this area was around to offer some advice or insight. Most likely insight as I tend to rebel against advice. That is of course unless the advice is from my wonderful wife. Who has repeatedly advised me not to move too quickly. Wise words from a wise woman.
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Old 04-03-2011, 09:15 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by azrael View Post
. . . we are moving things along slowly. Maddening slow. But that's the smartest way to move and its comfortable for all involved. What would be great is if someone with experience in this area was around to offer some advice or insight. Most likely insight as I tend to rebel against advice. That is of course unless the advice is from my wonderful wife. Who has repeatedly advised me not to move too quickly. Wise words from a wise woman.
I love your sense of humor.

Personally, I don't have any insights about triads, because I've never been in one and it's not my thing (I'm straight), but I just want to say that from the perspective of introducing something radically new into your life and relationship, that it does sound like going slowly is indeed the smartest way. I agree that your wife is a wise woman in advising that. If you do a tag search here (above, an option that pops up when you click on the search link) for "triad" or "triads," you will find countless posts from people who rushed into things, only to have it go kablooey in their faces. I do believe that the more cautious and methodical you go about it, the more long-lasting and satisfying it can be.

Happy for you!
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Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
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  #8  
Old 04-03-2011, 10:50 PM
azrael azrael is offline
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Thanks Nycindie, I know we should be moving carefully but its pretty tough. That's why my wife and I get along so well. She tempers my rash nature when I need it and I light a fire under her when she needs it. I know from what I've read our particular kind of relationship is statistically supposed to fail. But then again my wife and I met in high-school and married young. That's supposed to fail too but we are stronger than ever. I think if we meet the right one, if S is the right one, we will succeed.
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  #9  
Old 04-04-2011, 05:39 PM
azrael azrael is offline
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I suppose I'm feeling great today. Lastnight was a great night just hanging out and watching a movie. There was even quite a bit if physical affection after the movie. It feels nice for all of us to show eachother how we feel in that way.

If there is a negative right now its that my mother in law is here. Don't get me wrong its great that she is here in most ways. But in one aspect our flowering relationship must be kind of secretive. Which is not a strain really just an annoyance. I think that J is becoming more comfortable with everything which most likey the cause for my icky gooey happy feeling today. It's an odd feeling really...
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  #10  
Old 04-29-2011, 11:50 AM
azrael azrael is offline
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Default The light

Tonight is the night that J has her first date with another man. Although I'm anxious , nervous, and still trying to come to terms with this new phase of our relationship, she has been very supportive and kind. A part of me that hid in dark ignorance, against all my self defense mechanisms, has been ushered into the light. It is still reeling and fighting the brilliance of the illuminating revelations. This child that lived in the naivety is fearful and hysterical at the thought of not being thecenter of J's universe. He cries out at the illogical notion of being alone and having to depend on himself for happiness and identification. I am doing my best to settle this child , me, down. If not for my small support system I don't know if I could do it.

I know you don't hold much hope for tonight's date my love but my wish is that you are pleasantly surprised and find the beginnings of a special bond and the experience you seek. I hope he makes you feel special and makes you laugh. I hope he is edgy and makes your heart flutter as you do mine.14 yrs later you still give me butterflies and make my life exciting. Thank you my sun and moon, for helping lead me out of ignorance and loving me. My heart rests in your hands as always.
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