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Old 04-02-2011, 07:59 PM
kingofmice kingofmice is offline
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 11
Default Looking for advice on open relationship

Hiya. So, I'm totally new to this. I recently met an amazing boy, we get along great. We've been on a few dates and he's just wonderful. We have worlds in common, and he's probably the most understanding, non-judgmental human being I've ever met. Before we started really hanging out though, he told me that he had a girlfriend, and that the pair of them were in an open relationship. Never having tried anything like this, I gave it a good long think before deciding to move forward. But after much meditation and deliberation with myself, I decided that I was open to the idea. I'm the first girl he's chosen to "date" outside of their relationship. She's seen other people, also, and is currently "dating" another boy. Recently, I started talking to her, and the two of us get along great. I actually got to meet her for the first time the other night, though the meeting was sort of a surprise. It went well, and one of my favorite (or most comforting) aspects of the situation is that he is very good at giving attention to the person he's with. I was scared that when she came around, his affection would default to her because she's the "girlfriend" and I'm just the girl he's "seeing." A friend of her's who is in an open relationship passed along "The Ethical Slut" and now he's reading it. I'm supposed to get it next. My questions/worries are as follows:

1. Are there any other good texts concerning polyamory?
2. Though I understand we can define the boundaries/roles in the relationship for ourselves, is it typical that the "extra" people outside of the "open relationship" (me, in this case) don't get the same rights/attention emotionally as the "girlfriend"/"boyfriend"? The idea is that one can be "intimate" with multiple partners, but is this intimacy restricted to sex, or can it be emotional? I tend to be a very sensitive, open-hearted, giving person, and I'm worried that I'll fall in love without the chance for these feelings to be reciprocated.

Any advice or kindness would be really appreciated. I'm at a place where I'm very scared, and a little unsure. I think that both of these people are amazing, and I feel like I can learn a lot from this relationship, and I'd like to continue pursuing it. I'm just very nervous I won't be afforded the same possibilities because I'm coming in from the outside. Thank you.
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