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  #21  
Old 03-28-2011, 01:43 AM
bella123456 bella123456 is offline
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yeah - I think that sort of behaviour is pretty crap.

Sorry Ray - I don't see how you really could have had a win here, even a little one. It sounds like you were in a fairly difficult situation, with some unreasonable expectations on O's part. And that it's only now that O is mentioning this "incident" was a problem ! What ???

And I can only imagine how hard it would be to have to hide your feelings away. When we care for someone - It's actually quite nice to show the world that we are happy....to share that with the people who care for us, and the people we socialise with - I'd find that very difficult.

It might be good to take a step away from email contact just for a while?

You're right - He does believe his logic is reasonable and rational. That doesn't mean other people would see it that way, and it doesn't mean it is logical, reasonable or rational..

It's great if we can manage to remain friends with an ex - But we don't have to - especially if we feel we've been treated poorly, or with disrespect.

I choose not to remain friends with a couple of my ex partners because of this. If there was a point in time where they took some responsibility, well - that would open the friendship door.

So if I felt someone threw me to the wolves, would I want to be friends with them ?

Probably not.
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  #22  
Old 03-30-2011, 10:32 PM
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ray ray is offline
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Thanks Indie and Bella,

I like what you said about responsibility opening up doors. If he eventually can take some responsibility for acting cruel and selfishly, then maybe. I did decided to take a break from the emailing. On Monday, I had a breakdown (like an actual really serious one) and lost it in a Carl's Jr. And so at this point, my priority is getting myself better. I can't deal with O. I asked him to not contact me. My friends have been so supportive since monday and I have a good therapist so there is hope. Anyway, I'm going to be focusing on me now.
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  #23  
Old 03-31-2011, 02:18 AM
bella123456 bella123456 is offline
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Ray, I just wanted to quickly say how sorry I am to hear you're having such a hard time. I also feel that most people would find this very, very difficult - It wouldn't be an easy thing for most of us to deal with. You're not alone - We'd all find it hard.

Yes, please focus on yourself, be very kind to yourself - You have friends around you - let yourself be cared for, it's an important part of the love highway - letting it go both ways.

I'm also pleased to hear you have a therapist. There's certainly times in life when it's really important to recognise you need people around you to help you through it. I saw a therapist for 18mths after a difficult breakthrough, it was a great process for me, and has improved my life in many, many ways.

Take care, It may be helpful to find happiness in the little things for a time..
And heal, it's not a race...take the time to do it properly..

Best wishes
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  #24  
Old 04-02-2011, 03:47 AM
koifish koifish is offline
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I think you take as much time as you need. I think if you try to jump back into it because you maybe want to be the kind of person who friends with their exes, it's hard. It's also hard not to keep loving someone romantically if you don't establish some distance for a while.
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