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  #51  
Old 04-02-2011, 12:06 AM
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Thanks Mono does he have a blog?
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  #52  
Old 04-02-2011, 12:29 AM
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Thanks Mono does he have a blog?
I'll PM you
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  #53  
Old 04-02-2011, 12:30 AM
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Wow, LR! Maybe you two work better together with a little distance. Perhaps dual homes is the next step in your relationship - hey, you never know! I've met people for whom that really works well.

Just glad to hear that things are moving forward for both of you.
We're in dual homes for the time being. In THIS way it's certainly not my preference, having a 50 mile distance between us is LAME. But, in the past I've said many times that I thought it would be optimal to buy 10-20 acres and build several homes. That way we could have a little more "personal space"; but still be close enough that "seeing each other" wouldn't be a big planning fiasco... which it IS right now. When it's an hour drive either direction-you have to plan for 3 hours just to have an hour visit. Fucking SUCKS ASS.

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Originally Posted by MrFarFromRight View Post
Hi LR!
Glad to see things are getting better between you and Maca. Have the nightmares stopped?

I've worked out that SpicyPea is the new mother. Is PPea the new arrival? Is that to be taken phonetically and describing one of the manufactured products? If not, and the baby hasn't got a name yet (or if PPea proves embarrassing later), might I suggest SnowPea? Given your location and the date of birth... (Or is that a British term?)

Have you noticed that I've grown up? (Read this.)

Still dancing...
Nightmares have stopped. Have had some bizarre but funny dreams the last two nights.

SpicyPea is my oldest daughter. (19yrs)
SaltyPea is my oldest son (stepson). (15yrs in 2 days)
SplitPea is my Godson-but he's now "missing". (14 yrs)
SweetPea is my youngest son. (11yrs)
SourPea is my youngest daughter. (4yrs in June)
PPea is the new grandbaby. SnowPea isn't a bad idea. I hadn't thought of a good online name for the new baby.


I haven't checked out the link yet-it's been an erratic and hectic couple of days. I have only spent very short moments online and gotten NO homework done.
Haven't gotten any dancing in either actually!

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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Nothing but smiles for you Pretty Lady Glad you guys are still working at it.
No giving up here Mon. When I have doubts, I just read your hysterically endearing posts and find myself re-energized!!

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Isn't snowpea a neat name? I hope you post again soon LR I'm really enjoying your posts here. . . . . . . . .
I guess what I'm trying to say in all this ramble is that I know things must be full-on for you right now, and maybe it's hard for you to post as well but right now this is my favourite blog and with the nature of my work I follow a lot!
Sage, I won't totally disappear. I haven't posted here or my peresonal blog all week. It's been such a freaking nightmare busy week!
Next week is testing for the kiddos (required standardized educational tests). I'm hoping that while the testing is going on I can take the laptop and go to the coffee shop, maybe do some catching up!
I'm glad to know there are people still reading though. Sometimes it seems like what I write is so pointless.

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Thanks Mono does he have a blog?
He does...
I'm pretty sure it's in my other blog... I'll look...
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  #54  
Old 04-02-2011, 12:32 AM
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Very cute Mr.
Congrats on becoming a senior.
hehehe!
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  #55  
Old 04-02-2011, 12:39 AM
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This week was nightmare busy. I didn't get all my homework done (no requirement, just personal goal). I didn't finish all of the weekly goals on Maca's and I's agreement either.

It's the week before "that time of the month" and I'm fucking hormonal out of this world. In and out of tears all week. That leaves me feeling idiotic one moment, needy the next, followed by idiotic etc.

The grandbaby has been MISERABLE. He and mommy are leaving Monday for 2 months in Oklahoma, so there's been LOTS of running around to do to get them ready.

The 15 year old is having his bday party tomorrow night, so lots of running around and planning for that.

We're still trying to finish putting the upstairs bedroom back together (needs paint) so GG can move into it. THEN Sourpea will be able to go back to her own room downstairs and all 3 younger peas will have their own rooms back. But-it's not done and it's been daunting.

I'm "roomless". I can sleep in GG's room, and I can use his room anytime.... but... it's his room to me. Not my room. So, I have no personal space that is mine right now. Not cool.

The SourPea (3yo) is feeling needy-because I've been busy running around and her daddy is gone and GG has been busy with home improvement stuff. So, she's been acting out more.

Tonight is "datenight" with Maca. I'm waiting for him to get out here from town to pick me up (can't take my van, because the kids will be here with GG and if something happens, he needs a vehicle). Once Maca gets here, then we'll be driving back to town for the night. But, we don't know where the hell we'll be STAYING. He was SUPPOSED to be moving into an apartment today, but it's kind of up in the air. He was texting me about it-but had to go, so I don't know what's going on with that.

Rough week.

On top of that, I'm struggling with an honesty issue...
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  #56  
Old 04-02-2011, 01:12 AM
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I've worked INSANELY hard to re-design my life since I found the word polyamory in September of 2009.
The PRIMARY change that needed to happen (and has been improving by leaps and bounds) was to being honest in my life.

But, one of the things that arose from that changing with me (me being honest with others, with myself etc) is that other people find it uncomfortable because they're used to the "safety net" of pretending. But... pretending and "social niceties" JUST for the sake of "social nicety" are subsets of lies.

Don't get all off track and derail what I'm saying-I'm NOT saying that manners, kindness, consideration etc all get thrown out the window. In fact, I think I'm MUCH more kind, mannerful, considerate etc now.

What I'm saying is, that those things need to come from the heart. If they don't-and you're just doing them because that's "the way it's done"-it's not honest.

So... that's just not "normal". I don't mind being "abnormal"; but I am finding it difficult to socialize because.... I do mind being expected to lie.

AND

I find that I don't WANT to make the effort to make friends. Because I keep realizing that the people I'm opening myself to, are more committed to being comfortable and accepted, than they are to being honest and real.

Right now, my feelings are somewhat hurt.
Someone I really enjoy hanging around has

~been telling me for 6+ months that they'd like to spend more time getting to know me (in person)

~expressed (repeatedly) that anytime I'm in town, to give them a call so we can hook up (including invites w/my kids-which is a BIG deal for me)

So, now that summer is coming, the roads aren't so icy and Maca's in town, I've been going to town a couple times a week (versus a couple times every 3-4 months before).

I texted that I was in town last week and they were busy. No biggy at all.
This week I texted I was in town and was asked to YES PLEASE come by. Directions to their home were texted to me (never been there) and I went with SpicyPea, SourPea and PPea (snowpea)... We had a good time.
After an hour I needed to take SpicyPea somewhere, she had plans, SourPea wasn't ready to go, she was having a blast playing with the other kids there.

This person offered that she could stay, and I could come back and visit more while Spicy was with her friends. We worked out some legistics and I ran Spicy to her drop off location.
On my way back I met up with Maca (who has also been invited repeatedly to spend time with this person etc). We weren't sure how things would work out-so he offered to wait in the van with Snowpea while I ran in to get Sourpea if that would be easier.
But, the response was a resounding NO NO NO, PLEASE PLEASE I miss you, want to see you, please come in and DON'T MAKE ME BEG!

So, we went in, were introduced to the rest of the family and spent 2 hours hanging out. Sourpea had clearly had a WONDERFUL time. She's been begging to know when we're going back ever since.

However, the roommate-who may or may not be this persons lover, and is someone Maca and I are acquainted with-
was NOT happy about Maca being there. Expressed signfiicant upset and concerns to me. A variety of natures of issues-MOSTLY regarding the risks of us being there SEEMINGLY based on the assumption that we were lovers of the person who invited us....
except... we're not.

Could be-but are not for a variety of reasons. I don't expect I will be. Maca was and there's a possibility that he could be again; but at least for the last 6 months-that hasn't been on the table or in the cards.


For example: said to me privately "YOU know that SO and I have always had an issue with starting a relationship with anyone who was having issues in their primary relationship."

Uh huh... I replied that yes I did know that, but it wasn't an issue regarding me, because I'm not having a relationship with either of them (neither of whom is the person who invited us over); nor is Maca...

Seems obvious to me that the implication was that they don't want either of us to have a relationship with the third person-who may be involved with them-I don't know, because since I'm ALSO not looking to be that person's lover-I don't CARE who that person is lovers with.....

Furthermore-the speaker has more of a "friendship" with Maca than with me. SO, why not say something to HIIM (since he was there) if the concern was whether or not HE was starting a relationship with 3rd party?

Beyond that-WHY NOT DISCUSS IT WITH THE 3rd PARTY if you are that concerned? IF it's any of your business who that person has relations with-then it seems to me, since you also LIVE with that person (it's a huge B&B style home owned by the person who invited us-the extra rooms all rented out to friends, including the couple who evidently had issues with our visit).... Why confront me?
On top of ALL of that-I've addressed this issue NUMEROUS TIMES since last June with this person and her SO. That in fact the 3rd party whom I have a tentative friendship with-is JUST A FUCKING FRIEND.

I responded to the somewhat passive-aggressively stated issues with the, already made many times, statement that I was just friends with the person who invited us and while I totally respected their views, they didn't really pertain to me because I'm NOT looking to have anything more than friendship with ANY of the people in that house....

But.... how does this pertain to honesty?

Yeah-I know, sorry, major vent here....

The next day I had a text conversation with the person who invited us over-expressing to me how WONDERFULLY happy they were that we'd come over and how great it was to see us etc. They knew NOTHING about the roommate's upset (I brought it up)....

Today, Maca gets a series of texts telling him that this person is reluctant to get "reattached" to us (due to our relationship issues & that we are planning to move)........

We're talking about a FRIENDSHIP first of all.
Second of all-if you are reluctant, why are you repeatedly inviting us for more time to spend face to face "strengthening" the friendship.
Third-why didn't you bring that up before someone else started having a temper tantrum.

I really like this person. I like the fact that they are cool with kids being around (have one of their own)... I like the conversations we have.

But..... I just cant' get past the apparent lack of full honesty.......

I can't say this is a FACT;

But, I feel like a "dirty little secret" the way the conversations are going. That feeling, wanting to stop being that "dirty little secret" and wanting to stop HAVING a "dirty little secret" is what led me down the polyamory path in the first fucking place 18 months ago.

It's so emotionally taxing that the only people who I don't feel that way with-who aren't family (my family and Maca's are totally accepting);
are in the lower 48 or other countries.
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  #57  
Old 04-02-2011, 04:44 AM
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Thanks for the link (mono and LR)

I hope that getting this down and hopefully normalized hormones will bring you some peace.

There's an old English saying "there's nothing as daft as folk" . I think this fits your incident with these people quite well.

The only other thing I can suggest is "look for the opportunity in all of this." Sometimes it takes a while for the waters to clear.

I'm like you. I haven't got time for dishonest people. It does keep the numbers of actual, physical people in my life limited somewhat, especially now that I'm working from home and there are no kids around. Still, I prefer that than wasting my time on 'stupid people' and their dramas.

Oh and just remembered something else that might help. Other people's ideas about us are not our business. Our business is to live our life to it's maximum potential. In order to do that we have to able to unhook their fish hooks from our backs otherwise they will just keep reeling us in. I know it's easier said than done.

Take care of yourself
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  #58  
Old 04-05-2011, 12:09 AM
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Now THAT is an EXCELLENT quote Sage! I like it a lot!

This is going to be all out of order, sorry. My mind is spinning with everything that is going on!

I got SpicyPea and the baby loaded up on the plane this morning. She texted to let me know she'd made it safely to Seattle a few minutes ago.

Maca got the opportunity to plan a date with his FWB this afternoon. He was looking forward to that. It was ironic, cause he had a rough morning yesterday and I texted her to see if she might be able to talk to him, meet up, give him a hug and kiss; cause I was trying to catch up on homework. She wasn't able to meet up yesterday, but they were able to make plans for a little time today.
(She's in the same town as him now, where as I'm 50 miles away).

Anyway, that was cool.

I dropped two bags of clothes off at the consignment shop this afternoon. Then, when I got home I bagged up another bag of baby clothes that will all be too small for the baby by the time they get home (they won't be returning til May 21st). So, tomorrow I can drop those off too.

GG finished the work on the room upstairs. SaltyPea helped me get GG's dresser, bed and bedside tables moved up this evening. I still have to move two book cases, an entertainment center and a shitload of boxes up. But, it's a start. We also got SourPea's bookshelf and books moved down. She's moving all her stuffed animals to the livingroom couch as I type so that we can move her bed down.

It will be nice to have her back in her own room again and not sharing with her brother!

I'm still pretty hormonal. Saying goodbye to a teary-eyed daughter and the new grandbaby was a little tough-but no tears fell. Just emotional.

Tomorrow Maca has an appointment out here at 4 to look at a 1bdrm apartment. He asked if I wanted to go with him and I said I'd love to, so we'll get to see each other for a little bit tomorrow evening.

We (Maca and I) had a good talk last night. I was in tears. He was patient, it's hard to talk when you are crying. He let me take my time getting the words out of what was on my mind, what I was worrying about. We talked through some of my concerns and were able to set out some specific plans in our "goals" to work on the details of how to resolve the issues I've been worrying about. It was helpful to be able to just talk it out.

Now, I gotta get back to moving furniture....
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Old 04-06-2011, 04:03 PM
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I find that I don't WANT to make the effort to make friends. Because I keep realizing that the people I'm opening myself to, are more committed to being comfortable and accepted, than they are to being honest and real.
Present company excepted, I hope! I know that it's only a fledgling on-line friendship (so far), but I do hope that we're being honest with each other.
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It's so emotionally taxing that the only people who I don't feel that way with-who aren't family (my family and Maca's are totally accepting) are in the lower 48 or other countries.
(my added underlining) Oh, so there's hope for me after all...
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Today, Maca gets a series of texts telling him that this person is reluctant to get "reattached" to us (due to our relationship issues & that we are planning to move)........

We're talking about a FRIENDSHIP first of all.
Second of all-if you are reluctant, why are you repeatedly inviting us for more time to spend face to face "strengthening" the friendship.
Third-why didn't you bring that up before someone else started having a temper tantrum.

I really like this person. I like the fact that they are cool with kids being around (have one of their own)... I like the conversations we have.

But..... I just cant' get past the apparent lack of full honesty.......
2 possibilities occur to me:
a) Your "3rd person" is interested in more than "just friendship"... and your making clear to the meddling tenants (MTs: hey! just read that out loud...) that you're not looking for more has cooled that interest.

b) You're a stronger person than this person, and they can't deal as firmly with the MTs as you can. (The MTs do seem to be the sort that keep picking at old scabs again and again, but maybe the 3rd person is new to this particular tantrum... Added to which, they all live under the same roof! Hard to avoid frequent contact.) ITC (In this case), practice patience with spineless scaredycats who have some redeeming features. (But tell them - and the MTs - that you won't stand for a lot of this nonsense!)
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On top of ALL of that-I've addressed this issue NUMEROUS TIMES since last June with this person and her SO. That in fact the 3rd party whom I have a tentative friendship with-is JUST A FUCKING FRIEND.
I do so hope, Muh Deeyah, that you didn't use exactly that choice of words! Talk about contradictory messages...
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  #60  
Old 04-07-2011, 03:32 AM
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Ok Mr,
that last line was just hysterically funny.

In truth the 3rd person is potentially interested in more, and I'm sure you haven't been able to read my blog THAT FAR BACK-it'd take you a year! But, she knows that am potentially interested in more with her as well.

HOWEVER-not right now.

I'm a...
....
...
needy lover (for lack of a better word).

I don't want a lover if I can't see them at least a couple times a week EVERY WEEK as a rule of thumb.
This person is available for a face to face visit a couple times a month if I'm lucky.

I can do that limitation with FRIENDS - but I'm not interested in doing that with a lover.

As for the MT's-well, I honestly think that the issue is that THEY are interested in more with her AND with Maca. They aren't getting more with EITHER-so they're frightened and intimidated by our "budding" friendship.

One of the things that struck me was the comment about "new relationships".
This isn't a "new" relationship. We've been building this friendship since June of last year!

And the she in question does happen to be a more.. conservative person in the sense that she isn't as outspoken as I am by half. She did set down some boundaries so to speak after the fact (which I found out about after I wrote on here). I'm just a bit... more outspoken and to the point, she's more polite, gentle and likely to nudge where I'll toss ya off the diving board.

As for friends, I am quite honest-sometimes brutally so I've been told.
And yes,
I seem quite capable of making friends online.

I honestly think that part of the issue is that people are more willing and able to be honest online (with their REAL lives in anonymity) than they are in real life. If you know what I mean.

That's fine-until you are face to face. Then it gets a bit complicated.
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