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Old 03-31-2011, 06:34 PM
harmonizethis harmonizethis is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1
Default relationship ended

hey all I'm new, just had a bad ending to a relationship, just wondering if maybe I ignored any warning signs?

we started out as friends on a swingers site (husband and I play together and with other couples), took some time and met up, and after a solid base was established we moved on to more intimate levels. What we didn't know was the other couple was more then swingers they were actually in an Open Relationship. As time moved on I became his secondary. we talked online for hours, and hung out as a group almost every weekend. We spent years like this, with the addition of a baby in my relationship, and the addition of others in his (lets call him B) repertoire. I for my part had my husband, and one other couple we played with (rarely, like once a year). Maybe this should have been a warning to me that what we wanted was not the same, but I was in love.

His wife (well call her N) was involved in a separate and intense relationship, but would still play with all of us, or my husband. Well this last year the dynamic changed with N's boyfriend moving, she moved onto a new relationship, but hadn't cut anyone out. she decided despite the thousands of miles separating her and her boyfriend she would continue (she loved him), and her new boyfriend, but that without romantic feelings would no longer participate with my husband. how this was handled was well to say the least poorly, and without an explanation ended. (that came MUCH later)

I was given the news while my husband was away for the weekend. To say the least I couldn't handle it. My primary, my husband and i try and always have played together. It's a rule. but B seen this as my (he called it weak) defense to end all relations. To be fair I didn't think i could continue as just friends, I was upset when he told me he'd had sex with N's new boyfriends girl (2 weeks before I got this news). We tried to stay friends, but I was too upset and hurt at not having any reason why things had to change. Both B and N didn't give an actual reason for weeks, and they certainly never told my husband why he was let go. to say the least a lot of emotions got in the way and a lot of things were said.

I cut off all ties over a month ago.

should I have seen this coming?
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