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Old 03-31-2011, 12:36 AM
ComposerJ ComposerJ is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1
Default hello, and advice requested!

So, I am new to this forum, and looking for advice. My situation is relatively simple, but emotionally pretty complex, and I imagine not dissimilar to what people here have dealt with.

I am a 34 year old straight male, and have been dating and living with a wonderful bisexual woman for almost 5 years. I love her more than anything, and would do anything for her. I want nothing more than to be in this relationship. Which isn't to say that we don't have problems; we do. Lots of. But we work through them together, and I think are stronger for it. In many, many ways, we compliment each other perfectly.

Recently, she's been having trouble connecting to me, romantically. Something just isn't "clicking". She has come to the conclusion that she is not straight enough to maintain a monogamous romantic relationship with a man; something she had decided about herself many years ago, but wanted to try for a thousand other reasons. But repressing who she is isn't doing either of us any favors! She needs to be herself, rather than fighting against herself, which is just driving us further apart.

Easy solution, right? She gets a girlfriend, OUR relationship improves as a result and we stay together forever the way we both want! I've often said I'd do anything for her. After taking a long time to think about this, I told her I would be willing to try this.

The problem is, I don't know how to deal with it. I'm a monogamous person; I don't want anyone else and I can't imagine wanting anyone else. All I want is to be with her, and I can't help but feeling hurt that she doesn't feel the same way. I know that the issue is far more complicated than that, but, well, my emotions are complicated and reactive too. At the end of the day, however, she has not found anyone she is interested in right now. She has told me that she's not even ready to start looking. This gives me plenty of time to learn to deal with the changes in our relationship (or lay the foundations for it) before having to actually deal with them.

We've been going about all of this the right way. We're discussing everything. She's not pushing me and we're being as open as we can be about how we feel. She'll probably read this. I'm trying to be as understanding and mature about the situation as I can. I'm feeling a lot of complex and conflicted emotions right now, but I'm not blaming her. I'm hurt and upset and angry, but I'm not angry at her. I want to work through this.

I am not happy with the changes in our relationship. I don't know that I ever WILL be. Right now I can't imagine it, so I'm not going to bash my head against the wall trying. What I AM looking looking for (and I feel is a realistic goal) is to be comfortable with the situation. I don't want to be hurt. I have a laundry list of specific fears and concerns, but honestly, this was hard enough to write. I don't want to lose the relationship that I have, and I'm willing to do anything for it. But I need help!

Thanks in advance, and hello everyone!
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