Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Site Usage > User Guidelines & Forum Features

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #31  
Old 03-30-2011, 04:06 PM
MrFarFromRight's Avatar
MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Smack in the middle of The Spanish Revolution!
Posts: 483
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
@ MrFarFromRight, I understand why you wouldn't like D/s if you're against any power and any one being hierarchically higher than anyone else, period. I mean, that basically means being against the concept of a president or prime minister, a boss in a company, a manager... I personally don't get it.
Exactly. What I didn't mention under "among other things" is that I'm an Anarchist. (This word seems to conjure up for most US citizens - those who have even heard of it - a guy dressed in black with a bomb hidden under his cloak. And then there are those [mainly young] people who call themselves Anarchists, believing that it means "Destroy the System: We're against everything! No rules! Everybody can go fuck themselves!") I don't believe in presidents or prime ministers. They tell pretty lies to get people's votes and then they take the country into wars that nobody wants. (GWBush and Tony Blair are today both being lucratively bankrolled by Big Oil - "Thanks for the huge profits, guys!") Etc. etc. etc. And on a work level, I'd much rather work in a cooperative than in a company with a boss or a manager.

I don't really want to take this debate too far. As I said before, different strokes for different folks. It's just that I feel that we've been indoctrinated into either wanting power over others or wanting to run from responsibility. [See Erich Fromm's "The Fear of Freedom"] And this is what real Anarchism is: the refusal to allow anyone power over you but at the same time the refusal to wield power over others. To take full responsibility for your own life.

It'll never catch on.

So in answer to
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Emotional healing thru an inequal power exchange is quite common. "Good" Masters are interested in their sub's healing and emotional growth.
I'd say that healing is possible in all kinds of circumstances, but a hierarchical healer/"sick patient" situation often leads more to patching over symptoms than true healing. If a doctor tells me what to do, what medicine to take, instead of talking over my case with me so that we reach a better understanding, I have my doubts. (So I prefer going to holistic healers, "alternative" medicine.)

BTW, Magdlyn, I loved your:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Temper, temper! I think you need a spanking.
Had me laughing quite a while.

To get back to the healer/"sick patient" thing: there's a famous writer (highly recommended) called Alice Miller. [By googling that, I've just discovered that she died last year. What a loss to Child Psychology!] She used to be a psychotherapist... until she realised that psychotherapy actually maintains the status quo: it keeps people from healing and spirals into codependency. So she resigned her membership in the Swiss and the International Associations for Psychotherapy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
But BDSM is about more than D/s. You also have BD and SM. And these aren't necessarily about power. You could think that being blindfolded is about power, but it could be about not being able to see so you can focus on your other senses and have a more intense experience.
I'm hardly an expert on BDSM terminology or techniques. But personally I would not consider being blindfolded to constitute bondage. I agree with you 100% about helping to focus on your other senses. I once went to The Tate Gallery (a famous London art museum) when they had an exhibition "Art For The Blind". Because touching, feeling the pieces of art was encouraged, everybody had to wash their hands at the entrance. [One patron insisted that he wouldn't be touching anything, so there was no need for him to wash his hands. When the curator insisted, the patron walked off in a huff.] Although the museum didn't suggest it, my friend and I wanted to get into the whole idea of "Art For The Blind" and took turns closing our eyes and being led to the next piece, feeling without seeing. If I'd had a blindfold, I certainly would have put it on.

This next bit might seem very far-fetched. But I remember that almost every time that my father spanked me, he told me: "Now I'm doing this because I love you." And then there's that Bible verse (Proverbs 13:24): Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them. I honestly wonder how many people from religious homes came to equate love with pain.

Finally:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
I mean, we all spend our lives hoping for others to make decisions for us.
I know that the vast majority are/were brought up to hope for this. And I'm no exception. But I'm trying to move as far away from that as possible.
__________________
If I can't dance, I want no part in your Revolution.
- Emma Goldman Anarchist and Polyamorous par excellence
The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- old Chinese proverb
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin
I'd rather have a broken heart / Than have a heart of stone.
- from "Boundless Love (A Polyamory Song)" by Jimmy Hollis i Dickson
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 03-30-2011, 04:43 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is online now
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,374
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrFarFromRight View Post
Discussion on anarchy
Well, you seem consistent in your beliefs. For the record, I mostly dislike people in high place of political power, but I feel humans aren't able to work cooperatively on a big scale, and that these people are a necessary evil.
I also believe that right now my power is to vote for people I agree with. Baring a revolution, that's the most I can do. Therefore, not voting is leaving my destiny in the hands of other people even more. Just adding that in because I've heard of people not voting due to being anarchists. I don't know if you'd consider them "real" anarchists or not (or whether you do vote) but it seems to me if the point is to take power and responsibility, not voting is a bit paradoxical.

About cooperation, I agree with you, but to me, cooperation simply means taking turns in making decisions, which to me means taking turns as leader and follower. Decisions are made in common, but everyone takes turns between suggesting and considering suggestions. To me, there is still power exchanges, simply at a much faster pace.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrFarFromRight View Post
If a doctor tells me what to do, what medicine to take, instead of talking over my case with me so that we reach a better understanding, I have my doubts. (So I prefer going to holistic healers, "alternative" medicine.)
I totally understand that. I feel a doctor's job is to give patients facts and options, but let the patient make choices. It's especially true for instance with gynecologists. Sadly, I have seen many who just prescribe a pill without going through all available birth control options (not even sharing a booklet or something). Or even going against a patient's will (for instance, not all of them agree to give you a copper IUD if you research things on your own). It annoys me. However, "modern" medicine still works best for me. I don't believe doctors are my superiors, simply people I go to for their knowledge on things not everybody can expect to spend a decade learning. Same thing with a lawyer, for instance.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrFarFromRight View Post
I'm hardly an expert on BDSM terminology or techniques. But personally I would not consider being blindfolded to constitute bondage. I agree with you 100% about helping to focus on your other senses.
There is a broad range to BDSM. Blindfolding is usually considered to be on the lighter end of the scale. You're "bonded", even if it's your vision that is restrained, not your motion.
Other forms of bondage can come from the same basis, though. For instance, being tied so you can watch but not touch (the opposite of the blindfold). Feeling something because you touch it or because it touches you can create different sensations. Restrains+blindfold can help you focus on sound, etc.
Then it's a matter of scale, people probably all have a different comfort level. I believe though that a lot of people call BDSM what's "too much" for them, while they don't consider what's okay to be BDSM.

I mentioned it for BD (bondage and discipline), but it can be true for SM as well: a lot of people will enjoy light biting of their earlobes or nipples, or being scratched during sex, or grabbed tightly. All of these create small amounts of pain, but can be pleasurable. Some people find that more intensity in pain stop the pleasure, but for some others, the pleasure raises along with the pain.
And again, the examples I mentioned (biting, as light as it may be, scratches, even when they don't leave a mark, and tight grips) are all considered soft SM.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrFarFromRight View Post
I honestly wonder how many people from religious homes came to equate love with pain.
I'm not from a religious household or even country, so I couldn't tell you. However it is true that some of very religious people are also very kinky, but the opposite is true as well (some very secular and liberal people are very kinky).
However, I believe the Judeo-Christian message isn't of associating love and pain, but more of turning hardships and punishments into good things to yearn for. It probably started as a way to make bearing them easier, but it did have the effect of making people pursue it, and pleasure to become something bad. I think that's a shame.
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 03-30-2011, 05:28 PM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is online now
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,156
Default

I happen to be involved in BDSM and I would find it helpful if there were a page dedicated to that. I enjoy being able to pop into the spiritual page when I'm looking for poly-spiritual info.

I like being able to pop into the blogs section when I'm looking for info on that.

I'd like being able to pop into the BDSM & Poly section (if it existed) when I was looking for info (or wanting to share info) that pertained to that.

It would make it easier for me to address topics that relate to both the poly and the BDSM topics in my life without feeling so socially awkward. I'm not prone to wanting to get too far into the BDSM discussion in the "general" section because I feel like it's a little "off-topic".
It DOES impact my polydynamic, but it's just a little "off".

Furthermore, it does get a little frustrating to ask a question aimed at other BDSM knowledgable and Poly knowledgable people and have the whole thread derailed into re-explaining what BDSM is.

If there were a BDSM section, I'd HAPPILY create a "dictionary" thread in it like I did in the poly stuff when I found a great "poly dictionary" and kept repeating the same answers all day to newbies....
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 03-30-2011, 06:59 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,557
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post

Furthermore, it does get a little frustrating to ask a question aimed at other BDSM knowledgable and Poly knowledgable people and have the whole thread derailed into re-explaining what BDSM is.

This.

Some people do get into poly just because they love their partner, but one is kinky and one is vanilla and the kinky person really needs that aspect. Right now, even tho we are kinky together, my gf needs *more,* so with my blessing, she has a Master as well.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
bdsm, community, fetishes, new to polyamory, suggestions

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 12:23 AM.