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Old 09-21-2009, 05:48 PM
DarkHorseJ27 DarkHorseJ27 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 31
Default Does one ever get over being cheated on completely?

I know this isn't an exclusively poly issue, but it does have to do with trust, which is very important in a poly relationship.

As mentioned in previous posts, my wife has cheated on me in the past. One night, a few months after we got married, she told me she didn't love me anymore, and shortly after that she had sex with someone else. The whole time I was trying to fix things and work it out. Even as we were trying to get back together, she was spending time with different men (she thought it was unreasonable for me to ask for her not to spend time with anyone she has had sex with). She blamed me for everything, and said it wasn't cheating because it was all my fault. By the time it was all over she had been with several different people.

Her family blamed me, as she told them I cheated. That is what they still think. My parents are angry at me for not getting a divorce. She also lost a good friend over the whole matter.

My mental health took a nosedive when it all started happening. I slipped back into a depression, and started cutting myself. But the whole time I stayed dedicated to making things work.

I never completely blamed her, as her father's death really messed her up. He died from cancer exactly a week before the wedding. After that she was seeing things that weren't there. I have long sinced forgiven her, and I am what I guess you would call mostly over it.

We got back together about 5 months ago, and we are doing very well since then. It was very rocky at first (her pushing for an open marriage didn't help) but we worked through it and are at a good place. But every know and then I find myself thinking back on it, and it still hurts. Does it ever completely go away?
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