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  #21  
Old 03-28-2011, 04:34 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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My gut tells me you are being mistreated and taken advantage of, rather than cherished.
Yeah, I'm starting to get this impression too.
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  #22  
Old 03-28-2011, 04:54 PM
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Whoa, girls! I wasn't getting that vibe at all.

KIDD, from what I've read I think you and your wife have a beautiful thing going! My husband, Sundance and I are more about the radical honesty too. (When my mother found out about our V arrangement, she said I was our of my mind to think he would be okay with that. I think she would have been more supportive of me having a secret affair.) She doesn't get it -- I can't keep a secret from my husband. It's hopeless! I LOVE sharing things with him, and even when the truth hurts -- Sundance is a lot more like you, in that, he'd rather have the painful truth, than some watered down version of my feelings. Remember that movie, A Few Good Men, when Nicholson says, "You can't handle the truth!" Well, he had a point there -- some people can't, I mean, be careful what you ask for! But it sounds like you ARE. I think you are a very strong man, and the love between you and your wife is strong, too.

The way you met with the new guy and the two of you got on, I think that is really great.

My husband is falling more in love with my BF every day (in a hetero, Catfish-like way ) and it is so cool to see two men growing close like that. I love that by-product of our V. That will help you feel a lot less threatened. The human nature of competion comes into play, but it doesn't have to take over and turn you into sparring animals -- I think the two of you are being the greatest of gentlemen.

The sex is new so naturally there will be some comparisons going on -- but there are so many dimensions to a physical relationship, I think you realize that and know that both relationships can be very, very good and fulfilling to your wife. She is exploring some very interesting things right now (I know, I've been doing a lot of that myself) -- the lessons she learned along the way about sex and love, good and bad, wow, I think it's really cool what she is doing, and I think it's awesome that you are there for the journey. You must really love her -- and she must really know it

Penis size and body size -- what really matters is the human touch, period. I think it can all be good, as long as you are open and loving, and I do think you both are.
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  #23  
Old 03-28-2011, 04:56 PM
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Please don't call me "girl."
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Hinge of a V relationship with my husband (Thumper) and boyfriend (T-Rex). Also, mother of a 6 y/o girl by my husband.

My poly story begins here. Now with new blogging action!
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  #24  
Old 03-28-2011, 04:58 PM
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So sorry. I did not mean to offend
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  #25  
Old 03-28-2011, 05:10 PM
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No, no, my bad. I shouldn't be petty about it. As I said, my gut reaction here is making me unreasonable and it's spilling over into all my responses.

My husband and I also practice radical honesty. I am just not getting the feeling that's what's going on here, at least not from her.

I will have to analyze my own reactions and post something more substantive and logical, but right now my instincts are screaming at me that there's something going on here that just isn't right.

I usually don't go on guts alone, but my reaction is so strongly negative in this case that it is actually difficult for me to analyze and articulate it at this time. I have numerous non-poly-related issues going on in my life atm, which does not help.

Still, I have found that my guts bear listening to, and while I don't want to undermine the OP's progress or potential happiness, I feel it would not be without merit for him to entertain the notion that maybe this situation really isn't okay.
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  #26  
Old 03-28-2011, 05:17 PM
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I would say that some of the things she has said go beyond radical honesty and have a feeling of deliberate cruelty. It almost sounds like retaliation for long held resentments or such. What do I know?
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  #27  
Old 03-28-2011, 05:25 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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In the spirit of radical honesty why not talk about becoming fluid bonded BEFORE it happens! This kind of thing is a big deal that anyone sexually involved with any of the parties needs to be informed of so that they can make sexual health decisions for themselves. Just because an STI test came back negative doesn't mean that for sure everything is all good. There are window periods for a lot of STIs when they don't show up on tests. What you get, at best, is a picture of what someone's sexual health status was 6 weeks ago.

I'm not saying that in this case there is a risk of an STI but it is still something that as someone involved you need to know so that you can make your own choices around condom use ect.
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  #28  
Old 03-28-2011, 05:26 PM
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Thanks Penny -- I didn't mean to jump on what you'd said as if you were "wrong" and I was "right." It may have come off that way, but it was not intentional. I get what you're saying -- that is one thing I like about the forum -- people will speak from the heart. It is good to consider the perspectives of others, for sure. I know in my own life there are times I can be walking around in some DEEP denial, until someone has said, "Hey! I'm seeing THIS....!"

So many facets, especially when you are grinding yourself into a diamond. It would be so much easier to just stay dull, than to explore the sparkly life of polyamory! Ha!

KIDD, I hope you will keep sharing. Maybe your wife could come on here, too? Sometimes that helps, to have both perspectives. I really like the shared blogs on here. Anyway, hang in there!
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  #29  
Old 03-28-2011, 05:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
I would say that some of the things she has said go beyond radical honesty and have a feeling of deliberate cruelty. It almost sounds like retaliation for long held resentments or such. What do I know?
Hurt people hurt people. I hope this is part of their journey toward more awareness, and healing.

(What does any of us really know, for sure? We're all just speculating here, from the little we get to go on from someone's posts. I think your insights are usually pretty good, SN; I know I've appreciated a lot of things you've said. You too, Penny. In fact, I think anyone who is walking the poly walk themself has a pretty good take on these particular issues. Yay, us! We're all in this together, right? )
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  #30  
Old 03-28-2011, 05:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
Just because an STI test came back negative doesn't mean that for sure everything is all good. There are window periods for a lot of STIs when they don't show up on tests. What you get, at best, is a picture of what someone's sexual health status was 6 weeks ago.
I believe that there are also some things that aren't normally tested for like HPV and Herpes, probably others.
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