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Old 03-27-2011, 04:20 PM
dub1h's Avatar
dub1h dub1h is offline
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 24

Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
What happened?
tl;dr girl started dating another guy early in the relationship without prior warning (she already had feelings developing by the time I found out), didn't feel like I was actually thought about when planning her time with the two of us. Felt like I was being phased out. Jealousy/anger between the two males, etc etc...eventually I reached the breaking point and had to leave her due to lack of positive direction as a couple (and as a group--i wanted all three of us to be okay with being involved in each others' lives)

Started dating a girl, receive warning that she is polyamorous. I have never been in a real poly relationship, but I had done reading about it. In my mind, I believe I was thinking, "okay, well when she starts to feel like exploring additional relationships it'll be a while away, and we will work through it"

It was about 2 months into the relationship that we started seeing each other a lot more and things go more serious. Just a few weeks later, I was asking her about her plans, and she kind of reluctantly told me about the other guy she was seeing. She assured me that I was still her favorite, and we were together and she was just dating him right now. I felt safe, like I was a primary partner I guess.

but there was some great dissonance between all of us. Jealousy was popping up all the time for me. She was spending more time with him than with me, it felt. I tried to express my feelings and I said I felt like the relationship was losing direction, and it hurt to not feel like we were growing positively. I wanted to talk openly, but she wasn't able to do that with the other guy. He was more against poly than I was. I was doing reading and trying to get some help, but he wanted to just bottle up the jealousy so he could enjoy the dates they would go on.

I mean I guess it worked out..they are still together
But I tried to find solutions through talking, and she was willing to talk to me about all of it, but there was no positive growth. Each day I'd have more shit to vent out, and that's all I could do to keep sane. Emotions just grew out of control each day stronger than the previous. Had to break up with her about 2 weeks into this ordeal

I just felt like I was thrown into a difficult situation, and the only way to be comfortable was changing everything internally. I had to adapt 100% to quell my jealousy and feelings of indignation. I felt like she was there for me...but only as a person to talk to. Is it unfair to need to be met half way?

The nail in the coffin was when she went to a concert, had fun, and they didn't talk about the things that were bothering me so much. It made me feel like my hurt was not an issue to her anymore, and she wanted to go off and have fun with him instead. She justified this by saying "there's not a best time, but there definitely is a worst time". She felt she would ruin the concert, waste his money, and hurt him, if she brought up something about the relationship not working out. I guess she would have brought it up if she did in fact feel that way, huh?

(sorry for the vent, but this just kind of solidified why I broke up with her. Lately I have been imagining one day going back to her and trying to work things out but now I have to once again question whether that is even in my best interest)

Last edited by dub1h; 03-27-2011 at 04:30 PM.
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