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Old 03-26-2011, 01:11 AM
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Default The Chronicles of TheBlackSwede Continue...

...from such previous threads as:

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3675

and

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4446

To the current situation... which I'm about to share with you

We have all, as a family, moved back to the West Coast. We took the drive together, wife, dog, and little boy, all in my truck, towing a u-haul trailer. We made a vacation of it, and in many ways, it was the most fun we've had in years. I was giddy about coming home again, about leaving DC behind, and in that cathartic way that sometimes change can be so exhilarating, I almost felt like I was teenager again. The open road, the V8 engine chugging along, my own two hands and busted knuckles doing repairs and maintenance to keep it alive, experiencing so many new things for the first time, all together. We drove through the South, saw New Orleans, ate Crawdads, basked on a pristine beach in Florida... Its times like those that I could never imagine not having a family, not having a partner, not being a father.

We haven't really BEEN Poly for months... when I came back from my extended stay, I tried dating a new woman, but things didn't work out. The next lady I tried to date flaked on me, and I kinda stopped caring. She didn't look for a new lover because she didn't want me to feel like I was being left out, which, though sweet, was un-necessary (but still appreciated).

Once we were back in CA, she wondered if I'd see my previous lover, N, now that we were back. I told her I wasn't in a rush, and I'm not. A week or so after our return, we bumped into her at the Farmers Market, but G slipped away while I said hi, and avoided meeting her, which made me sad - N is a friend more than a lover, and I'm perfectly happy to keep our relationship as friendship; that's more important to me than sex. I asked her why, and G said that she just wasn't sure if she was ready to meet another of my ladies yet. I understood, and still do. All things in time. Later, she expressed to me that she missed having a lover, a sentiment that I echoed.

It wasn't long after we got back that job offers came in for me, but all were in Los Angeles, as I expected. What I do isn't exactly dependable or consistent, but it pays well, so I took a gig and went up there to work, coming home to see my family on the days off. While I was there, I finally got around to updating my OKC account, listing LA as my new location. Much to my surprise, I got a pretty good amount of interest within only a few days of doing this. One lady seemed particularly interesting and beautiful, so we decided to meet, that same night. It was very spur of the moment, and as she's a few years younger than me, I expected as much.

We met for dinner and drinks, bar-hopping (myself being careful not to drink too much, despite the flowing of Scotch, the booze I can scarcely say no to) a bit. Each time she excused herself to the ladies room to freshen up, she presented me with a new napkin with her lipstick on it, and I kept these. We have chemistry, L and I. We have a lot in common as well, and her and G have more in common than I think either would want to admit... I was of course completely open and honest with both of them, and despite L's insistance that there would be no hanky-panky, and my own lack of expectation, we made love late into the night.

Sheepishly, I snuck home to my friends' house on the West Side where I had been staying (we're not 'out' yet, so our friends don't know), and managed about 2 hours' sleep before another long day of work, this time with friends on their own pet-project, which I had stayed past finishing my previous gig to aid with. Meeting a potential new lover was icing on the cake! As the day wore on, L and I texted covertly; she wanted to cook me dinner that night, and wanted to see me again badly. I did as well. Finally, I headed over at about 10PM, we ate, talked, made love... and damn, the lady can cook! Not as good as G, but I was impressed. This time I brought my mandolin - I played music, she painted. It was so... Bohemian. I left feeling like I was 20 years old again, though an exhausted 20 years old, as I'm actually 30, and was managing all this on 2 hrs. sleep and numerous 14+ hr work days.

I made it back to my friends' house at a reasonable hour, slept like a baby, and banged out a solid day's work the next day, kicking ass and taking names like I haven't done in years, using skills I haven't USED in years. Seems the Old Silverback still knows a thing or two.

Headed back home to my family that night, very happy to be home, and among them. Dealt with a sick kid sunday through now, and a somewhat insecure G. I think she still has issues with me having feelings for another person; it's far too early to know whether or not I love L, the answer for now is, "not yet", and she doesn't like it. I've told her that I can't predict the future, and that my heart will do as it pleases whether I tell it one thing or another - but what I do know, is that my love for her will remain, firm as bedrock, and eclipsing all other feelings I have save those towards my child, until my dying day. I don't know if I'll fall in love with L... but I think it could happen. I'm definitely twitterpated though.

I haven't had work all week, and L is missing me... G doesn't want me to go up there just to see her... and this early on, I guess I can understand that. But I'm hoping I get more work, soon, and not just because we could use the money.

Thanks for reading. More to come as it happens. Feels good to get this out somewhere. Hope you all are well.

-Svart

Last edited by redpepper; 04-10-2012 at 08:57 PM.
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Old 03-26-2011, 06:22 AM
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Well, now I may have an excuse to see her tomorrow night. A friend's birthday, and G doesn't seem keen on driving all the way up there for it, and she suggested I go. I asked L if she'd be my date, and she happily accepted, with the caveat that we can't stay at her place, as she has a houseguest (and lives in a tiny little studio).

Now the dilema I have is, do I out us to our friends who I would be staying with? Or do I pay for a hotel room? Hopefully G will not object to the hotel, which I think would be much more fun anyhow.

I need to do something to remind G how important she is to me. We're about to move into our new house, but we're still about a week and a couple days from that. I'm not sure whether I should wait until we've moved in, or if I should take the initiative and cook up something big and special for her now. She's seemed a little down lately, and I don't want that to forment into resentment or anger. She's my #1, and I need to make sure she knows that.... but how? I just bought her a new iPhone 4, and some delicious treats for her birthday, and we've been doing fun stuff together, but it just doesn't seem to be doing the trick. I would have taken HER to the party, but she didn't want to go. I need to figure out something I can do JUST for her. Ideas?
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Old 03-26-2011, 06:46 AM
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Originally Posted by SvartSvensk View Post
Well, now I may have an excuse to see her tomorrow night. A friend's birthday, and G doesn't seem keen on driving all the way up there for it, and she suggested I go.
Where are you guys located? Sounds like G may be San Diego way, while your in LA. If that's the case, seriously consider Amtrak. It's like $20 one way and totally worth it on a Friday night, if you have a ride on each end.
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Old 03-26-2011, 06:57 AM
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Where are you guys located? Sounds like G may be San Diego way, while your in LA. If that's the case, seriously consider Amtrak. It's like $20 one way and totally worth it on a Friday night, if you have a ride on each end.
Yeah, "home base" is SD, I mostly work in LA, and sometimes play. Amtrak is great, but yeah, the trick is getting around once I'm there. Downtown, Venice, Santa Monica, Hollywood, Pomona... I have lots of places to be, and don't always know when/where. The plan is to buy a motorcycle and keep it in LA, but the money isn't there for it yet.
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Old 03-26-2011, 05:50 PM
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Yeah, "home base" is SD, I mostly work in LA, and sometimes play. Amtrak is great, but yeah, the trick is getting around once I'm there. Downtown, Venice, Santa Monica, Hollywood, Pomona... I have lots of places to be, and don't always know when/where. The plan is to buy a motorcycle and keep it in LA, but the money isn't there for it yet.
Was actually thinking, that next time, G could catch the train and you could pick her up, but if you don't have a car, that's tough. I flat refuse to leave town on a Friday afternoon. If I can't get out before noon, I wait til after 8pm.

Last edited by SNeacail; 03-26-2011 at 05:52 PM.
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Old 03-28-2011, 07:03 PM
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Well, we have two cars, actually, and I considered keeping one in LA permanently, but I like having two when I'm home in SD. That way if she's at the store or off taking care of something, and I need to run out, I can. Cost of parking it in LA though would make it all pointless. Better to just time my drives right and not sweat the miles on the vehicles. I seldom run into traffic now, as I've kinda got all the timings down, from years of living in LA and visiting my folks in SD. ...but I digress.


A relationship type update:

G has apparently been feeling neglected since I started working in LA - since before L was in the picture. This was not something I was made aware of, and had I been aware of it, I would not have brought another into the mix, but that is done now, and calling it off with L at this point would be punishing L for something she had no hand in. Time to redouble my focus on making sure G feels loved and supported.

The party was a gas - we're not "out" to all of our friends, but I told two of them that night, as I had planned to crash in their spare bedroom after the party with L, and coming out at that point was a necessity, either that or shell out for a hotel. They were glad I came out, and were very understanding and supportive! They wanted to meet L, but ended up dealing with some of their own stuff that night and the next morning and were unable to join us at the party, or meet for breakfast in the AM. One of them is very sick with a chronic disease, and sometimes needs to step back from social situations etc.

Anyhow, nobody at the party knew L and I were together. My friend whose birthday it was was very happily surprised I showed up, and even moreso with a new 'friend' who he had never met, and wasn't my wife. He was quite obviously suspicious, but I told him not to overthink it, that all was well in the world of Svart and G, and that it was a long story I'd tell him over beers and burritos some other time. He gave me one of those "dude, I don't give a shit, you're my amigo" shrugs and the evening proceeded from there.

Well, being a couple at a party can be dull... but not if nobody at the party knows you're a couple! The gaggle of men following L around like little lost puppies was no end of entertainment! Ahead of time we talked about how it would go and I basically told her to act like she and I were just friends - no PDA, flirting at a minimum, but she could feel free to flirt with others, etc, which is very natural for her. Only one or two people noticed me watching her, which was mostly able to be passed off as me looking out for my buddy. I wasn't jealous of all the attention she was receiving, or even giving, though I did wish we could have been more intimate together at the party. I got a little peeved as I thought she was ignoring my subtle hints that I wanted to leave as the night wore on, but as it turns out, she's actually fairly oblivious to subtlety - not something I'm used to. Next time, a kick in the ass and a "hey, time to go" is what it'll take, as opposed to a hand on the shoulder and a glance in the direction of the door.

The five or six men who were all trying to get in her pants were all understandably befuddled and disappointed when L left with her buddy the married guy.

Lots of talking, making out, and passionate lovemaking until the sun came up. Filled with NRE. Feelings for L are growing quickly, though I haven't dropped the "L" word, it's pretty obvious, even with her obliviousness, and it's even more obvious she's feeling the same way. This is by far the best experience I've ever had with another woman besides G, and as great as it is, it still doesn't hold a candle to what I feel for her, nor has it taken away from it at all, but it has compounded G's feelings of neglect from when I was away before - and that's what I'm focused on fixing right now. Incredibly, L has been extremely willing to give good relationship advice, and I'm starting to feel the love and support around me. This is incredible. If I can make G feel the same way once more, I'll melt.

-Svart
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Old 03-30-2011, 01:32 AM
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Things with G are coming along well, despite the fact that I've been under the weather. We had a fun time out on Sunday, saw a movie, and I secretly bought her a gift that she actually needed (sunglasses). This won a few points for thoughtfulness.

I've also been writing her a song, and I sent it to her today, and she seems ok.

...but I haven't told her how I feel about L yet, and I'm really, really worried about how she'll take it.
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Old 03-30-2011, 05:23 PM
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In some strange way, I think I'm more jealous about L than I am with G - and I'm not the jealous type at all. Maybe this is because I've had so many years with G and have been well reassured... I KNOW she loves me and she'll always come back to me. L? Insufficient data for hypothesis.
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Old 03-31-2011, 01:38 AM
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... and a somewhat insecure G. I think she still has issues with me having feelings for another person; ....
This seems to be where the energy is in what you have written, and I'd like to know more about that. What is meant by "issues"? How strong are these? Are you working with / on it together? How? If not, why? ....
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Old 03-31-2011, 02:59 AM
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This seems to be where the energy is in what you have written, and I'd like to know more about that. What is meant by "issues"? How strong are these? Are you working with / on it together? How? If not, why? ....
Good questions... thanks for reading, and for asking - it helps me think of things maybe I hadn't thought of before. I'll do my best to answer.

In terms of her insecurity, I think in this instance it was stemming from the whole feeling left out thing when I was working and apart from her, but I do think her insecurities are deeper than that, and even when she consciously has a grip on them, I'm not so sure she's ever 100% on a subconscious level - nor do I think she's ever really going to be. This has to do with her own image issues, not so much with me and other women. She does seem fine that I see others, but she still bristles at the idea of me having feelings for another woman, even though she consciously knows it's not going to change the way I feel about her, or the fact that she's the primary - she is, and always will be. Everyone knows that and is perfectly comfortable with it.

I think lately she just needed me to do a better job of SHOWING her that - something I've been working on, and lately she seems a lot better. I'm sure that'll all go straight out the window when I tell her I'm having serious feelings for L, and I'll have a whole new mess of insecurities to allay, but that seems to be par for the course. I haven't told her yet, but I have demonstrated that L and I are getting closer, and that she's not just some random chick I'm banging.

Maybe seeking a third party to help discuss these things might be a good idea, but I'd like to try and work through them ourselves first - we've come this far, and we're very proud of that. We are stronger together than ever because of the work we've done and experiences we've had individually and together. This is the next step in that journey, and its a terrifying one.

Last edited by TheBlackSwede; 03-31-2011 at 03:29 AM.
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