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  #21  
Old 03-23-2011, 10:25 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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"Unicorn" is a metaphor for an unrealistic idealization.

Simply the desire to form a FFM triad does not a unicorn-hunter make.
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  #22  
Old 03-24-2011, 02:01 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Unicorn, aka Hot Bi Babe or HBB, is a single bisexual (and hot!) woman who is looking to form a polyfi triad with an existing male-female couple, most often a married one. Unicorns are easygoing partners because they don't have any needs of their own in what comes to a relationship. They are totally happy to hang on to whatever nuggets of love and affection the original couple fish out their way. They are not usually very old and hence might have economic issues, and they are only too happy to move in with the couple in very early stages of the relationship. And of course they are willing to help around the house and with kids and whatnots, after all, they are getting free room and board.

Should somebody ask, unicorn is the live-in nanny/struggling student renting a room. They are never introduced to the family, invited along on social outings or holidays. The original couple maintains primacy and social approval, whereas the unicorn has to face constant pity from people who don't know she isn't single and comtempt from people who equate her with a homewrecker. Unicorns don't have kids because that would seriously mess up the dynamics. They can help bring up the original couple's kids, of course with no legal rights to them whatsoever. Unicorns are also easily disposable should they become cumbersome or needy. If something goes wrong in the relationship, it is the unicorn who isn't emotionally mature enough/doesn't respect the original couple/doesn't know how to share/is needy/is clingy/is unavailable/isn't committed enough etc.

Unicorn care is easy as long as you remember a few easy rules;
1) Original couple goes first. Always.
2) Unicorns are not really people, they are emotional and sexual resources to the original couple. Sex is only allowed in threesomes, and no individual relationships between the unicorn and either member of the couple should ever develop as not to threaten the cohesion of the original couple (see point 1).
3) If something's not working, play the 'How can you not be grateful for all we have done for you?' card with your unicorn, and if that isn't enough to scare her off, call her a homewrecker.

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The above is a completely satirical account of what gives the term 'unicorn' or 'unicorn-hunting' such a bad aftertaste to some people in the poly community, and is in no way meant to reflect on what people seeking committed triads are actually like.
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  #23  
Old 03-24-2011, 03:15 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
The above is a completely satirical account of what gives the term 'unicorn' or 'unicorn-hunting' such a bad aftertaste to some people in the poly community, and is in no way meant to reflect on what people seeking committed triads are actually like.
hahaha... that needs to be stickied somewhere. Quite funny BU hahaha
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  #24  
Old 03-24-2011, 03:22 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
hahaha... that needs to be stickied somewhere. Quite funny BU hahaha


it basically covers the same territory as Franklin's flow chart, which is linked to many times over already, so I'm not going to put another one.
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  #25  
Old 03-24-2011, 03:50 PM
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That's awesome BU, I akin unicorn to a dog most of the time. They are expected to sit at the feet of their owners and wait for scraps, get pets on the head, are left at home when the family goes out and if they are too much trouble they are taken to the pound. They aren't so much unicorns after they have been found... they turn into puppies.

again, sarcasm.
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  #26  
Old 05-11-2011, 04:09 AM
MadameSyrinx MadameSyrinx is offline
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Question Lonely Unicorn

I recently discovered that being a single, bi, poly woman... and a young pretty one at that, can be an utter curse. You would think that the lineups of couples desperate to spice up their love life with a token bi girl.. that it would be at least pleasant. I find it utterly lonely, and a true testament to people's complete selfishness.

I am not a toy, or a hooker. I am not a sex therapist, or the solution to a failing marriage. I am a young woman, who wants a loving woman, and a loving man, in my life. I want to be treasured like the remarkable person I am.

Everybody wants a threesome but nobody wants to hear about how my day went, or what I want to do with my vacation.

Am I doing something wrong?
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  #27  
Old 05-11-2011, 04:49 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Maybe you should look for two separate individuals, rather than an already established couple. If you want a man and a woman in your life, find one first, build that relationship a little, and then be open to finding the other.

It seems that most couples out there looking for a bi women as a third, tend to be in open relationships or more invested in sport sex than poly. Of course, here on this forum you will find more actual poly peeps, but from what I've been coming across elsewhere, it's hard to find an already established relationship that isn't just looking for sex with a third, rather than a relationship. I was just reading (on a Meetup.com message board) some detestable guideline a couple has of only giving their unicorn (oh, how I have come to hate that term - it is so objectifying!) no more than 10% of the man's attention, while 90% should be for the wife. They said to "never go past 80/20" or to let the second woman "linger too long" because "you will wind up with a relationship" -- heaven forbid! For some reason, this is apparently the standard in those circles, mean to keep attachment at bay.

Try getting to know poly people -- do you have any groups that meet near you? Just relax the search a little and get to know folks who are more open to actually developing multiple relationships, and see what happens.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 05-11-2011 at 04:51 AM.
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  #28  
Old 05-11-2011, 07:12 AM
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Erosa Erosa is offline
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My heart so goes out to you. *hugs* :'(

I had a similar experience when I was a unicorn. And it's heartbreaking to see yourself give love and get used in return.

Don't give up though. I really do believe that there is a couple out there for you. *hugs*

Tag my page anytime.
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  #29  
Old 05-11-2011, 08:53 AM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Sorry to hear you are experiencing that! I have like today realized that a lot of people seeking their mythical unicorn are motivated by the sex and not the relationship possibilities, and I'm like 'woot? threesomes are SOO over-rated!'. Besides, arranging a threesome isn't even that hard if you know the right people. Having a relationship is sometimes hard, but worth so much more than the occasional kicks you get out of group sex with random people.

The advice you have already received is really good. Don't build huge expectations about meeting the 'perfect couple' - date individuals instead for a while, and look for couples that already have some experience in poly (the local community is a good place to start). If you meet potentials, bring it up from the get go that you want to date and get to know them both individually before the sex, and make a commitment to yourself NOT to agree to anything you are not comfortable with. Triads can also happen when three single people get together, so don't limit your line of vision to established couples only.

Although group dates are fun, I prefer to get to know people and to have sex one-on-one. I don't know if you could benefit from seeking out more 'family-minded' polyfolks. They tend to have a bigger emphasis on seeking a 'good fit' to their family, and don't want to bring random people in to their children's life, but really prefer to get to know the person first.
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  #30  
Old 05-11-2011, 03:41 PM
Concept9 Concept9 is offline
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Don't lose hope just yet; I can see where you are coming from and how you must feel. My wife and I are very new to this ourselves (like...been talking on it for months but have yet to put it into practice, still looking for OUR unicorn.) However, we both agreed early on that our intent isn't just to treat someone else as an object, or a third wheel. There ARE people out there that want you to share in all the same things they already have between the two of them; to simply find others to share in the happiness of life without treating you any different than they treat each other already. So...in short, keep your hopes up and keep looking, whether for couples or singles as suggested above; you'll find those that want you for you soon. Good luck.
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adding a partner, attitude, expectations, love, one penis policy, opp, polyamory, polyfidelity, triad, truth, unicorn, unicorn definition, unicorn hunters, unicorn hunting, unicorns

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