Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #31  
Old 03-22-2011, 10:56 AM
TL4everu2's Avatar
TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Clearwater, Fl.
Posts: 907
Default

Kika,

People usually think it's the guys idea to be poly, because it USUALLY is. Also, men are notoriously "overly horny" all the time. PLUS, it is almost every straight man's fantsay to have two women at one time.




Keep in mind that I know these assumptions to be often erroneous.
__________________
There is a lid for every pot...Sometimes even two or three...
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 03-22-2011, 12:35 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 999
Default The man's idea

It was definitely my idea, yet when I came out to Dad, even telling him I had a boyfriend and Indigo did not, he asked, "Is this really what you want?"

It infuriates Indigo to no end to have people assume it's his idea. Me too, actually. I like taking credit for my own good ideas.

It caused me to ask our community "Who started it?" a while back ... I was not surprised by the result.

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3779
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 03-22-2011, 06:17 PM
Kika Kika is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 5
Default Feminine feelings

@ TL4everu2 : I guess you have a point ^_^. It just always seemed to me that a triad relationship is more feminine rather than masculine (that could simply be because I am a girl and I view most things in a feminine manner haha). When I think of a triad I think of having one more person to share my huggles with, take walks with, eat with, geek out with, kiss with, and of course fight with haha.

@Trucker Pete: Same thing happens to you too (>_o) <-- *poked in the eye feeling*? I'm sorry. I think what bothers me the most about people assuming that it was the BFs idea is that they suddenly think he's a huge pervert. But then when I tell that person "No, it was my idea", they just ignore me and think it was really the BF's idea and he just brain washed me (=_=). I totally understand what you mean about wanting credit for your ideas. I don't care if everyone around me thinks it's a stupid idea, it was my idea and I want the credit and the criticism ^^.

I'm off to click on your link now.
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 03-23-2011, 09:00 AM
preciselove preciselove is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 83
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kika View Post
Pffft, my mom and dad immediately started bashing the BF even though I told them the triad was my idea. OH, nothing infuriates me more than being undermined because of my gender. My parents are pros at it too. My dad didn’t even talk to me about the poly thing. He went straight for the BF. Just because Amobrasil is a guy doesn’t mean it was his idea. I remind my parents all the time that being poly and seeking a triad was my idea, but I still don’t get the sense that they believe me. It’s so infuriating! Like being poked in the eye (>_o).
Yah I have a whole lot of that. Regardless of what the girls say in our triad, it's always the male , the brainwasher, living the life of a king with his minions. Most people are stupid. If they don't want to listen or believe what you are saying then what's the point of talking to them? They aren't reasonable people.

I don't really talk to anyone that refuses to believe what I say, and they usually come crawling back after some months all like "why have you stopped talking to me". Morons. I don't mind if someone is upset because of my lifestyle, but people that refuse to accept the reality are worse than people who don't like it. Anyone that is intelligent and has an instant "don't like it" reaction will come around over a few months. People that close down the "listening shop" will never recover, forever in a fantasy land where Jesus rides a white horse or fairies exist.
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 03-23-2011, 11:03 AM
TL4everu2's Avatar
TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Clearwater, Fl.
Posts: 907
Default

I guess I live in a stereotypical world. LOL When I came out to my supervisor's boss (who is also MY boss), he was like "eh ok. Whatever...AND?" LOL I guess mechanics are all supposed to be filthy slutty men who are out to get as much tail as possible. Glad I live up to the stereotype. LOL
__________________
There is a lid for every pot...Sometimes even two or three...
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 03-24-2011, 12:05 AM
Kika Kika is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 5
Default

LOL @ TL4everu2: That is a great story xD!

@ Preciselove: It's so true about people crying when you don't talk to them for a few days. I can do this with just about everyone... but every time my mom calls I keep thinking she has something important or ground breaking to say. I just can't seem to ignore her. I've pretty much dropped the conversation with her because I realized it's not going to go anywhere with her. She notices though. She likes to say things like, "You can always talk to me about anything. I want to know about your life." But then when I talk to her about it, she just think's I'm crazy. Yesterday she called me up asking if I "lost touch with reality". Oi, she's such a nut xD. I was actually very amused until I thought about it a little more. Basically my mom thinks I'm crazy because I'm different than her. So, now I have that (>_o) poked in the eye feeling and I'm laughing.
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 03-24-2011, 01:48 AM
SNeacail's Avatar
SNeacail SNeacail is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Near Disneyland
Posts: 1,571
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kika View Post
She likes to say things like, "You can always talk to me about anything. I want to know about your life." But then when I talk to her about it, she just think's I'm crazy.
LOL, my mom is like this. You can talk to her, as long as you don't offend her sense of right/wrong or her political/religous views. In other words, just talk about the kids or walk her through how to sign on to facebook.
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 03-24-2011, 03:12 AM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Vegas, Baby!
Posts: 348
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by preciselove
Yah I have a whole lot of that. Regardless of what the girls say in our triad, it's always the male , the brainwasher, living the life of a king with his minions.
I ran into that even on these boards a while back. I was accused of trying to "live out a harem fantasy", and much worse.

IRL I am frequently referred to as a pimp, an exploiter of women, and more.

And poly was Violet's idea - it took her quite a while to talk me into it, despite that fact that even the "OPP" in our house is HER idea (although it has not extended to all of them, Adrian is out with her log-distance BF tonight as she frequently is when he's in town, and even Violet herself has started looking sideways at one particular guy lately, lol). Lana (GF#1) lived with us as a friend and roommate for over a year before becoming part of our relationship. Adrian met the girls at work, knew about their relationship, fell for me, realized I was the guy they were talking about, and decided she wanted in too.

I didn't pursue any one of them - but I'm a pimp, a womanizer, living out a harem fantasy. :shrug:

Violet's Dad is a little out there himself, and frankly this was far from the most shocking thing she ever dumped on him, lol. No problem there - at first. But when we hit some real rough patches, he turned on me faster than Judas for all the silver in the world. You should see some of the things he said about me in Facebook messages and emails to her - shocking to say the least.

Lana's family found out almost by accident. Her mother was angry and frightened for about an hour - everyone ele was very accepting, more curious than anything - and her mother finally adopted an "if you're happy than that's what matters" attitude. So far so good there.

My family - hmm. We haven't "come out" to them. But I know they suspect something, since Lana has made it to one Christmas and two Thanksgiving's with us so far, as well as a few other trips that involved seeing them. They aren't asking, I'm not telling - yet. They are devout Mormons, and thus particularly allergic to anything that smells even faintly of polygamy. They are, however, extremely open and accepting people, and quite used to their eldest son being the black sheep and getting into all sort of crazy situations - and they've always supported me. So we'll see. I'm more concerned about my ex wife's family - also very good people, but also very Mormon. They also are my 6 year old sons caretakers, and I don't want issues there!

amobrazil, Kika (I think you're both part of the OP couple, yes?) - we feel your pain. We've been through it with our first unicorn, Anne - which turned us off to poly completely for a good 6 or 10 months. Things with Lana have been up and down, but more up than down - we've been very lucky with her and intend to be with her forever (and probably couldn't get rid of her if we tried anyway, LMAO). But Adrian (current gf#2) has been a very trying experience to say the least, and she likely won't be around much longer. This mess is hurting her terribly despite our efforts to help her, and it's been hell on all of is in different ways.

Although to back it up a bit - her mom was VERY accepting when she found out - supportive even. Weird, lol.

Anyway - in any relationship, and especially any breakup, there is pain and hurt and heartbreak. Poly opens new levels of love - and more opportunity for the bad stuff as well, which in our experience is amplified just like the good stuff.

As for America being ready - which parts? LOL - :shrug:

Last edited by HappiestManAlive; 03-24-2011 at 03:15 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 03-24-2011, 06:29 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
Default

I think that what people think of you is all in the way you market yourself to others really. If you come across as less than humble and show off that you are the king of your world, or in my case the queen, then people will roll their eyes, judge and accuse you of a whole slew of things.... sometimes that can happen in RL just in coming out.

When I came out my family thought there must be something wrong with me to be cheating and that PN just puts up with me being with Mono (we haven't come out about Derby or Leo or anyone else along the way). Then they thought there must be something wrong with PN if I chose to be with Mono. Apparently PN HAD to accept it because he was in some way flawed... then it was Mono must be desperate and wanting to cling onto our family to help him because he fucked up his own family. Accompanying that was that he would fuck up our family also. Of course where it started was that Mono had some kind of motive to steal our child to have sex with and... oh ya! and our house. gets better, ... and my parents property that we shared with them... They asked us to sign the property all over to them, which we have done. Now they have property that we once shared and have built a house on it that we have to wait to be asked to go and visit. Actually, just recently I asked if I could go there and they said yes... but just me and LB so far, I darent ask if Mono could come! Still, it showed that we love them and took them seriously by not pushing the issue with lawyers and suing and blah blah blah. Still hurts though but not as much as it did back then
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 03-24-2011, 09:00 AM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Vegas, Baby!
Posts: 348
Default

Grrr - Violet gets that al the time; I didn't address that side of it before.

She simply MUST be horribly insecure and have all kinds of issues to resort to letting her man have other women just to keep him around!

That really grinds my gears.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
challenges, coming out, coming out to family, poly dating

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 11:11 AM.