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Old 03-23-2011, 05:25 PM
PenguinDreams PenguinDreams is offline
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 27

That's funny that you say that BlackUnicorn, C and I were talking about serial monogamy this past weekend at the lake. I said that I noticed a pattern (well, not much of a pattern because it's only based on two relationships that have come to fruition but w/e) where he would be extremely passionate with me during the time where he was courting them but once the relationship was consummated he would be completely consumed with the new person. I thought it was because he would channel all the energy from one person towards me because at least he had an outlet for it there. But when he was able to have the person he was pursuing any needs I might have were inconvenient for him and a huge source of many fights. I told him it looked like he really wanted only one person at a time but without the hassle of getting rid of the previous person.

It has been kind of a wounding relationship. I think the hard part for me over the past few days has been facing up to the fact that while it's infinitely better than the relationship I had previous to this, it's still pretty similar in some ways. I keep getting told I'm selfish and immature and insecure when I ask for reassurance or expressions of love or when I ask about the new focus of his affections. The ex used to do this because he expected to be able to neglect me while I catered to his every whim. (In all fairness, it was a master/slave relationship but still...) Now C has done it and he says he gets frustrated and impatient because of something that's wrong with me, with the way I feel. This is supposed to be someone who loves me... but I wonder about that sometimes. I wonder how much of what he wants from other people is love and relationship and how much is just the seduction of someone he can hold up as a mirror to look at his own reflection.

Looking back at the ex, I know I wasn't everything he said I was. So maybe I'm not what C has said about me either? Or it's like I talked about earlier; it's part of the truth and there's enough truth in there to make it seem real but it's still a distortion. I don't know anymore.
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