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  #11  
Old 03-21-2011, 05:33 PM
amobrasil amobrasil is offline
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Hi TL4everu2, I hear you. We actually specifically told Mia not to tell her mother, but she did it anyway, and the consequences were dire and things got really ugly. Apparently she had a great relationship with her mother until that point, so she thought that her mother would be happy for her, as naive as that sounds. I agree with you that there is no need for everyone to know.

As for your question, it was my gf's decision to pursue the triad, specifically the FFM. Before I met her, I didn't even know there was such a thing as polyamory... She did the research and we discussed it at length, and it took me some time to get comfortable with the idea. Anyway, she has a definite preference for women and do not find (most) men attractive, so FMM seems highly unlikely, even though we have never ruled out the possibility.
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  #12  
Old 03-21-2011, 05:47 PM
amobrasil amobrasil is offline
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SourGirl -

Ahhhh, you're right. We should be more compassionate toward these women, I apologize if my words came across as harsh. In the heat of the moment, it is difficult to see that not everyone is alike, and we all have our unique strengths and weaknesses. We need to do better. We will try to keep your advice in mind, thanks. And I agree, we need to slow down

As for America, it probably doesn't help that I live in the Bible Belt... In recent years, America has back-pedaled into conservatism, inflamed by opposition toward "liberal agendas" such as gay marriage. FOX news, Rush Limbaugh, and Glenn Beck come to mind when I think about who is shaping the ideas and opinions of the nation. We have actually thought about moving to another state such as California, but again, it's the cost versus rewards issue. For the pursuit of a lifestyle and perceived benefits, how far does one go? This is a question which we have not yet answered to ourselves. But, I think, with time and reflection, everything will sort itself out in the end.
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  #13  
Old 03-21-2011, 05:55 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Why rush the coming out party? It reads like you met them, they liked you and they came out.

I don't introduce my gf to my mother the second we meet. There is a growing period where people can see it working to build stability. This feels like everyone is so hopped up on being excited they are throwing it in the face of people that care about them.

There is a responsibility to being involved that can require some discretion. throwing alternate living in the face of the people that care most is a sure fire way to get up peoples protectiveness. Especially when kids are involved. Thats the most shocking thing. Its pure logic that this isn't going to fly in the face of the legal system.

This isn't a weak willed people situation... this is a people not realizing the reality of life.

Maybe next person you get involved with, you should (or they should since I am not sure where the pressure comes from) show some restraint and patience. This isn't a being open and honest thing. I am openly everything with my mother, but I am not going to throw my life in her face. Its just not polite. Introduce the situation slowly, show that it is stable and loving etc... maybe that will get you farther.
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  #14  
Old 03-21-2011, 06:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amobrasil View Post
SourGirl -

Ahhhh, you're right. We should be more compassionate toward these women, I apologize if my words came across as harsh. In the heat of the moment, it is difficult to see that not everyone is alike, and we all have our unique strengths and weaknesses. We need to do better. We will try to keep your advice in mind, thanks. And I agree, we need to slow down

As for America, it probably doesn't help that I live in the Bible Belt... In recent years, America has back-pedaled into conservatism, inflamed by opposition toward "liberal agendas" such as gay marriage. FOX news, Rush Limbaugh, and Glenn Beck come to mind when I think about who is shaping the ideas and opinions of the nation. We have actually thought about moving to another state such as California, but again, it's the cost versus rewards issue. For the pursuit of a lifestyle and perceived benefits, how far does one go? This is a question which we have not yet answered to ourselves. But, I think, with time and reflection, everything will sort itself out in the end.
Weak-willed was suggested to you, so my embarassment wasn`t directed at you. Though compassion for the women who had the bravery to even attempt to be out, would probably help your hearts heal a bit


Give yourself time. Let yourself feel testy, and frustrated, but only for a bit. Wether its worth the effort, is something that remains to be seen for your future. Though please remember, that we only ever truly learn from our mistakes.

Think of poly , not as being a battle, but maybe like a car restoration. Tweak, and tune-up here, and there.
Modify as need be.
Cruise when able.

Good luck.
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  #15  
Old 03-21-2011, 06:12 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amobrasil View Post
Hi TL4everu2, I hear you. We actually specifically told Mia not to tell her mother, but she did it anyway, and the consequences were dire and things got really ugly. Apparently she had a great relationship with her mother until that point, so she thought that her mother would be happy for her, as naive as that sounds. I agree with you that there is no need for everyone to know.

As for your question, it was my gf's decision to pursue the triad, specifically the FFM. Before I met her, I didn't even know there was such a thing as polyamory... She did the research and we discussed it at length, and it took me some time to get comfortable with the idea. Anyway, she has a definite preference for women and do not find (most) men attractive, so FMM seems highly unlikely, even though we have never ruled out the possibility.
Very good. I was just wondering. All to often, I see couples in a OPP relationship. Where, even if the woman WANTED to see another man, it would not be allowed. I can't stand it when ppl are like that.
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  #16  
Old 03-21-2011, 08:40 PM
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Agreeing with the rushing bit... being ready and solid in ones foundation with loves seems to mean getting over the rough part of coming out. NRE has a way of making people think that everyone will be SOOOO on board with everything .... nope. Doesn't happen that way most of the time it seems.
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  #17  
Old 03-21-2011, 09:52 PM
amobrasil amobrasil is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
Why rush the coming out party? It reads like you met them, they liked you and they came out.
Hi Ariakas, you are right, that is exactly what happened. After the first disaster, we asked the subsequent girls to not come out, but they did it anyway. I can only guess, but I'm thinking it's part due to the novelty of poly, and part due to the desire to seek approval from their loved ones (so that they won't have to feel guilty). At least now, we have anecdotal stories we can share in order to force the persons to think more carefully about the consequences before coming out.

In any case, I agree with you, I think there's time and place for everything, and the beginning is not the best time to come out. I think we will be more forceful in the future about communicating this fact.
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  #18  
Old 03-21-2011, 09:57 PM
amobrasil amobrasil is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Agreeing with the rushing bit... being ready and solid in ones foundation with loves seems to mean getting over the rough part of coming out. NRE has a way of making people think that everyone will be SOOOO on board with everything .... nope. Doesn't happen that way most of the time it seems.
Agreed, it's too bad we had to find out the hard way... But live and learn, right? Thanks for the advice!
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  #19  
Old 03-22-2011, 12:14 AM
preciselove preciselove is offline
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You are right amobrasil, level headed people that don't need too much approval are rare. Which is why I thought it a shame after having talked to our unicorn that she was the typical "well whatever works for you guys". She wasn't a bisexual when I met her either.

So possibly you could broaden your search to non bisexuals. You basically just need to meet a lot of girls and find ones that are good, and go from there. I wouldn't go out looking for poly or bi people as my main criteria because they often don't fit the mould anyhow and are a rare species. Many girls are interested in trying things with another woman but wouldn't list themselves as bisexual, or even think of themselves as bisexual.

If you approach it logically you'll have a greater chance of finding someone I feel. Also I'd look at those 3 "encounters" you've had as growing experiences for you and your gf. You may think they have been a waste of time but in reality, it's honing your skills.
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  #20  
Old 03-22-2011, 12:29 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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There are plenty..even the majority of poly people I would say, who aren't willing to face the judgment of family and friends. I see no weakness in this even though we are out. I see practicality and a desire to maintain friends and family. Just my observation. It's easy to say people are weak if you're not in their shoes...just saying.
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Last edited by redpepper; 03-22-2011 at 02:53 AM. Reason: Mono doesn't know how to edit *grrrr* drives me crazy! ;)
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