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  #111  
Old 03-19-2011, 04:27 AM
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Okay, right, validate;

I do similar things with people; make assumptions that I am not liked or that they purposely ignore me. I do that a lot at work actually. Really its either nothing to do with me, they are annoyed in the moment or are consumed with other thoughts and don't even know I might feel ignored. I try to remember this, but unfortunately I have a bit of a name for myself I think. People get annoyed that I am like that

Really though, I can't imagine anyone not liking you. First impression be damned, everyone knows that first impressions don't count. Its what the person is like as a whole is that matters. If she doesn't know that then she's an idiot. I know she isn't, so I still air on the side of her just living her life and not being concerned about you as a friend at all.

She's pretty casual at the best of times no? Her ideas about conducting relationships any way. You are just different. That's what I think anyway.
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Last edited by redpepper; 03-19-2011 at 04:37 AM.
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  #112  
Old 03-19-2011, 04:35 AM
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Hey! SNeacail validated you.
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  #113  
Old 03-19-2011, 04:36 AM
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Hey! SNeacail validated you.
Yes, I did see that...thank you SNeacail (and you too RP)
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  #114  
Old 03-20-2011, 02:50 AM
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It's been a good day today. I spent the day with my family doing very low key stuff. We walked to a movie, Rango, and back in the sunshine. Made appetizers for supper and baked some bread. None of it was terribly exciting or earth shattering but these are things that feed my soul. The emotional crisis that I put on myself yesterday has lifted.

I think I'm probably going to turn in early tonight again and have another good night's sleep. Sleep makes everything more bearable (or just puts things into perspective). I expect that my insecurities will rear their head again at some point. I'm just thankful to be able to voice them and have people around me to listen.

Coping mechanisms are interesting things. They're almost like a dam, when they fail all of a sudden everything comes spilling out and it takes some time to fix it up again. I'm glad that it's over again for the time being. I think that every time I have a bit of a crisis I get an insight into why it's happening and I can work through the things I identify.
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  #115  
Old 03-20-2011, 03:11 AM
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I think I'm probably going to turn in early tonight again and have another good night's sleep. Sleep makes everything more bearable (or just puts things into perspective). I expect that my insecurities will rear their head again at some point. I'm just thankful to be able to voice them and have people around me to listen.

.
What are you waiting for then??? Get into those jammies and go to sleep! ....you do wear jammies right
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  #116  
Old 03-20-2011, 03:13 AM
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What are you waiting for then??? Get into those jammies and go to sleep! ....you do wear jammies right
Yes I wear jammies, with 2 small people in the house that may need me at any hour of the night it's easier to be clothed than to try to find something to wear half asleep And I can't go to bed quite yet as the small ones are still awake, we're listening to the hobbit.
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  #117  
Old 03-20-2011, 05:51 AM
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we're listening to the hobbit.
Cool!
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  #118  
Old 03-20-2011, 06:19 AM
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Glad you are doing better today sweets
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  #119  
Old 03-21-2011, 06:41 PM
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I'm reminded over and over again that poly brings to light all of those dark things within us that we keep hidden away from the world. There are long stretches of everything going along smoothly and then all of a sudden I'm confronted with something that I haven't had to deal with (at least on a conscious level) for a long time.

The hiccough this weekend was all about my self esteem and likely what deep down I really think about myself. It's been a reminder to be kind to myself and that I will always judge myself far more harshly than anyone else will. I've projected what I think is going on in my husband's girlfriend's mind based on what I think she should feel after the way I think I've behaved towards her. RP, you're likely right, she probably really doesn't put the energy into thinking much about me at all one way or the other.

There are other things that I know are hiding in the back of my mind...stay tuned for the next freak out I've got to say that I'm glad that these emotional sessions are getting fewer and farther between. I don't like being the emotional basket case but when it does happen I'm thankful that I am safe to let it out. In letting it out I can let it go.
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  #120  
Old 04-01-2011, 09:17 PM
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What a busy week it's been, mostly to do with work. I'm missing both my loves terribly as I haven't had much of anything to give to them this week. It looks like one more week of the crazies and then things settle a little bit.

I'm playing in our season home opener next weekend and have been elected team captain again. I'm glad that I'm being seen as a value to the team (especially since last year I hardly played at all). There's still a lot of talk about how not everyone who is playing this season are "A" players but you know what? We won our last game without some of these all 'round superstars. We are a good team who communicate well with each other and get things done. So what, we aren't winning games with such a huge margin, but we are winning and even better we are allowing people who don't normally play when the superstars are around to show that they are valued and that they have a role to play too.

On the work front, mid week I thought I was going to be laid off due to lack of funding for my program. That turned out to be a clerical error. Then yesterday my boss was told by someone that I'm job hunting. That was a bit of an awkward situation. There are some parts of my job that I love but it's becoming too much to handle because I'm expected to keep doing things to the same level as they add more and more to my role (without paying me anymore). It's time to move on to a job where the role is clearly defined and where I am not the only one working in the particular role.

As you can see from this blog entry there isn't much about relationships in it. I haven't been doing much in the way of being a partner this week. I've been really wrapped up in my own world of trying to get things done that need to get done. At least now there's a light at the end of the tunnel...year end budget stuff is done and the game will be done next week. Then it's time to focus some time on my loves and plan some really special things for them. The weather is warming up and I do have some ideas in mind.
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