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Old 03-21-2011, 05:15 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Originally Posted by RitaFire View Post

And maybe I should post a new topic for this. I often wonder if our love is diluted when we share it with more than one intimate partner. We only have so much time to share our love, in our thoughts and actions. And it is time that is not spent with one partner but now more than one. That is less to go around. Hence it is diluted to me. Maybe I have hard time comprehending how Rob and I would be able to give so much of ourselves to more than one intimate partner, without somehow short changing the other.
No, it grows more-so, not less so.

Think of your brain.
We can choose to learn as much as we want in life. The more areas of our brain we open up, the more knowledge we acquire. Many times in life, we think to ourselves ;
" I can`t possible take in any more information ! "
Well, that might be true in the interim, but it`s not true over any period of time.

You don`t just learn in one manner, and forget about any other way of obtaining information. Many times, the more you learn, the more you want to learn.

So,..if there are parts of the brain we slowly open up to, and acquire more information as time goes on, then equate that to parts of the heart.

Now join them together.
*singing* The brain-bone is connected to the heart-bone....

The more you learn about your spouse, the more you will love them. It may be a tough love at first, but your love will grow...long as you always respect each other. The more you are able to learn about yourself, and those you love....the more respect is given.
When you are able to get through tough things together, and come out the other side,..love deepens.

So , say you are 'poly' and you have a new flame. That new flame starts out as NRE. Which is the beginning of feelings.
There may be tough times with your spouse, as you re-learn how to negotiate new principles, you never even knew exsisted before poly. However,...when you get to the good stuff....The compassion, the comperson, the sacrifice that feels strong, and not out of fear,...

Thats when that love that you thought was all you ever needed, .....grows.
Basically, you find new ways to love, you never new, until it hits you in that moment.

You love your new partner, for what new and exciting things they show you. You love your long-term partner, when you see the way they have chosen to grow and learn with you. The way they have been selfless, the way they have encourged you to be yourself. You love them for all the things they brought you at the beginning of the relationship,..as well as the things you`ve learned since then.

Everyday, my relationships remind me of why I love, who I love. I am humbled by their generosity, and appreciation. I am humbled by their ability to see that forrest through the trees. It makes me want to learn and love more.
As for time. 'Time' is a funny thing. It`s quality vs. quantity. Technically, love can be limited by time. Time spent wisely though, never limits love.

The more we learn. The more we know. The more we know, the more we are able to love what we know.
It`s really that simple / complicated.
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asexual, asexual poly, love, love language, marriage vs. polyamory, non sexual, secondaries, secondary, sex vs love, third partner

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