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  #41  
Old 01-20-2011, 10:17 AM
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Default rant

*rant*

How can you tell it's night time & the mods all live in North America so are asleep?????

You sign on to a FULL page of spam!

Any way, needed to vent my frustration about that, lol.

Yes, I realize mods need sleep. This isn't about that. It's about the spammers out there who, for some warped reason, think I (any of us really) want yet another dating site, drugs, porn, pay for visiting sites, etc.

Some of us are very happy with the way our lives are, we don't need to make those kind of changes.

*sigh*

*/rant*
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  #42  
Old 02-04-2011, 03:16 AM
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There's a conversation going on in one of the other threads about commitment to a plan. Plan of action, plan of what to have for supper, what movie to see, when to get together......

That's the one MAJOR thing that drives me bonkers about Possibility and his family! I try to make plans for things like get togethers so we're not doing things on the fly and unprepared. I know that I'm dealing with learning disabilities, ADD & ADHD with his family but when they can't answer a simple message on face book? I can't depend on him to pass on the message since his short term memory is nearly non-existent. I try to communicate with the wife, whom I do like, but she only says something when she knows he's having a bad day & needs a friend to vent to *sigh*.

I've been trying to get an idea of when we can have another family get together. We've got a stat holiday coming up on 21 February which seems like the perfect time to do it since I'll have the time to do some preparation, cooking, planning, etc. & all but Breathes will have the day off. My attempts at communication are falling on deaf ears/blind eyes '. I'll send a message with Breathes tomorrow night, if there's still no response I'll just write it off.

Possibility has been uncentered & out of focus for the last little while. We haven't been able to get much alone time together due to my teens over the holidays and Breathes staying home from his second job two weeks running. We FINALLY got some time on Tuesday night. He got the caning, and catharsis, he's been needing so badly. In his post Wednesday he said he felt ALIVE again! His thought processes, energy, creativity were all back up where they should be. I'm so glad! I don't know how to deal with him when he's slumping. It's a learning process and I'm definitely learning, lol.

We just need to figure out a way to give him that endorphin rush on a lower level. He needs something slow releasing and long term to help keep himself focused on what he needs to focus on. He IS on Adderal which does help, just not to the extent I need it to, lol. As if it's all about me.....He wants to find a way to keep himself on a more even keel as well so we'll just keep searching. Eventually we'll find something that works to the satisfaction of all involved.

Breathes is just as attentive and loving as always although he's needing some alone time badly so I'm thinking I'll do something Sunday so he can do whatever it is he does (probably sleep) to re-center and come out of his own rut.

I think today's coffee meet with new people helped. It was supposed to be for ME to make new friends, unfortunately they're RPG geeks so I ended up sitting there totally out of my element & bored nearly to tears because I SO am not a gamer. Why is it that when I meet new people they're the people who most fit with Breathes?

I'm a geek in my own right but about totally different things. Talk to me about books, my forums, trivia, I'm all ears & can follow along with the conversation. Start talking gaming & my eyes glaze over & I lose all concentration and interest in what's going on around me. I just want to escape into the stratosphere so I can hopefully meet people that I have something in common with *sigh*.

At least these people actually showed for the date AND communicated with me when I asked if it was still on.

I've set up two dates, with the same person, over the last six weeks & she didn't show for either one. She emailed me about getting together & I let her know which nights I wasn't available. Which night did she choose? One of the two I can't. I'm sorry but my kids come first & Wednesday night is OUR night together to catch up with each other, get home work help, talk, spend time together. This was two weeks ago. She still hasn't come back to me with another time.

Several months ago I was supposed to get together with a couple from this forum, at least I assume their still members. We had a date, time and place set but one of them got sick. These things happen so we emailed back and forth and had a location but no date & time. I haven't heard back from them so that didn't happen either.

My track record with meet & greets rather sucks, lol.

I'll keep plugging away but it really would be nice if once, just once, I could meet someone who's reliable AND has something in common with me AND will include me in the conversation if Breathes is along.

Maybe next time I should just make it a one on one date. While I do do one on one first dates I'm much more comfortable having someone else along. My first impressions, especially over something as unreliable & hard to gauge as the written word, aren't always any where near the actuality.
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  #43  
Old 02-09-2011, 12:43 AM
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Every single person in our family is ADD except for Mimi. If we didn't schedule, plan and use a calendar-we'd never get anything done.
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  #44  
Old 02-09-2011, 10:29 AM
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Every single person in our family is ADD except for Mimi. If we didn't schedule, plan and use a calendar-we'd never get anything done.
YES! I've been using Google calendar forever! Breathes can't be bothered as he just tells people to contact the keeper of the chaos--me, lol.

I'm trying, rather unsuccessfully, to get Possibility's family using one for something other than doctor appointments I know his memory sucks, as do his priorities! His partners can't respond to an email, grrrrrrrrrr. Apparently our get together isn't going to happen either . Some how I think it's because of lack of communication, memory failure and NO FREAKING CALENDAR!

I was chatting with Possibility on my way home from work yesterday (I AM going to drown my phone btw!) and apparently his male partner got his nose bent out of joint because he was here Monday for a couple of hours in the morning. I had the day off & asked if he would like to get together. Apparently he asked male partner if he minded being alone with the kids for a couple of hours & was told that was fine.

Possibility was going to come here any way because he doesn't want to give in to partner's being a 'whiny bitch'. I nixed that, told him primary relationships ALWAYS come first, to go home & see what was really going on (I used other wording, lol. "See who shit in his cornflakes" is a phrase that comes to mind)

It was a long, painful conversation but needed to happen. I feel he's taking his partners for granted, they do too judging by some of what I"ve been getting via chat. I finally ended up telling him that he needs to have a date night with EACH of his partners, not just me. He's not accepting all the blame, I'm not sure that he should. He told me it's not JUST him, they're not doing anything about it either. Money's tight for them but, he doesn't know it yet, I bought him a Cineplex/Odeon gift certificate for his birthday. I'm hoping he'll use it to take one, or both, of them for a date!

They each have their own computers in different rooms so rarely, other than meal times, spend time in the same room together.

I have half jokingly told him that he spends more quality time with me, for a couple of hours a week, than he does with them and he LIVES with them!

I offered, again (they never took me up on this last time) to babysit so they could all go out together! It sounds like he's got something in the works now *crossing fingers* because he asked me if I could babysit on the 20th.

I was a little surprised as that is the date we've asked for a 'family' get together. I tried to clarify but my phone died! grrrrrrrrrrrrr by the time I got to my computer, about ten minutes later, he was already off on another tangent *sigh*. I did email him and tell him the restrictions for that day though--it's a work night and, since I depend on transit, I would either need a ride home or have to be out of there by 5:30 so I can get home.

Off to work. IT seems I've got another rant building up so I might be able to get to it tonight or in the morning.
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  #45  
Old 02-12-2011, 02:30 AM
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OK, so not quite as soon as I'd hoped......

After I finished texting with Possibility I got to thinking (dangerous, I know ). Male partner left this morning and will be gone for a few days so he was most certainly not happy about having to leave. Apparently he apologized to Possibility when he got home that night. I guess he had realized just how he really sounded? (MP will be the male partner as it's too confusing to keep typing he, not to mention redundant) .

I know money's tight for them so they are going to have to use their imaginations to find/do things which are inexpensive or free! They are most definitely not the athletic/sporty types so sledding/tobogganing are definitely OUT of the question, lol.

I finally, FINALLY, managed to get my point across about a family get together for the 20th so Possibility changed the babysitting date to the 27th. For some reason it took me getting totally upset to get it into Possibility's brain what I was really asking! grrrrrrrrrrrrr I'm thinking that this time, when we're all together on the 20th, we'll set a tentative date for the next time. Our next holiday is Easter so maybe that weekend.

Yes, we most definitely need to work on our communication skills! I've gotten so used to how Breathes & I communicate that I'm having to learn new communication skills in order to get my point across to those who don't 'talk' in the same way that we do. It's tough though as most of the communication between Possibility & myself is done via IM/text. You'd think that would make it easier though, wouldn't you? Not so, at least not in this case. His short term memory is random at best. His mind is going a 1000 miles a minute and can rarely stay on one topic for more than a couple of minutes.

My thoughts are generally rather organized so that I know the next step in the process. Learning how to communicate with someone who's thoughts are all random and jumping all over the place is certainly an exercise in patience! In most circumstances I'm fairly patient. It seems I'm learning how to be patient in the face of ?futility? ?randomness? I'm not sure what the word I'm really looking for is. It's something I can't control no matter how much I want to, not matter how frustrated or upset I get with him. There are certain instances where I can slow his thought process & accompanying hyperactivity down to a level where I can cope. (He's submissive so doing certain things to his person will slow those processes to a speed I can handle.)

Hmmmmmmmmmm, for those of you who live with, or date, a person with ADHD how do you cope? What mechanisms have you devised for yourself in order to be able to stay in the same space with them even though their fidgeting gets on your nerves? I've got the constant reminders, especially when it's something new being added to the routine, repeating myself many times (I HATE repeating myself in ordinary circumstances), asking to make sure I've understood him correctly, repeating back the phrase I'm replying to if it isn't the one he has just uttered, tunnel vision on something other than the fidgeting. I do all of this with some degree of success but I'm looking to add more mechanisms for variety and maybe more success or maybe something which works better than what I'm already doing.

Enough for now. I think my brain has finally wound down now, lol.
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  #46  
Old 02-21-2011, 01:04 PM
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Default Good food, good friends, good movie.

Does anyone need more?

We had our get together yesterday!

I didn't think I'd be able to go . I had a debilitating headache which just wouldn't let up or quit. It seems it finally ran its course & left the building some time yesterday afternoon . I heavily medicated myself and went about business as usual knowing that when I get busy I tend to forget about the headache for a while which gives me the break I need from it.

We went, we talked and teased, watched Cutthroat Island, we ate....all that was really asked was that we be gone by 9 as Possibility had something he wanted/needed to do then. We left about 8:30.

Breathes and I each had some alone downtime before coming back together around 10:00 to watch True Blood.

Some cuddle/tickle/play time with Breathes afterward led to some wonderful sex! (Twice in 24 hours! I may faint!)

Woke up headache free! YAY!!!
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  #47  
Old 02-25-2011, 10:27 AM
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Originally by redpepper:
Quote:
It doesn't take long on this forum to find threads where I have struggled with casual sex since then. Do a tag search on the topic and you will see in about two seconds my fight with it... I damaged myself by believing that the sex was just fun and meaningless when really I subconsciously took it very seriously. My body took it seriously.

It was Mono that brought this change about when we first met (my now live in boyfriend). I did the work, and continue to, but he pointed something out to me in myself that I had not known for a long time. This was something that PN (husband) was not aware of and had not noticed or was not telling me... that is that I am worth more to others when I am me first and not a body to fuck.

I gave myself away to men that did not respect me. They used my body as a place to stick their cock and didn't even know the beauty I am inside as a person... they got off and took a bit of my soul every time... until I gave myself away freely and didn't really care that much as long as I got attention and felt falsely beautiful until they orgasmed
I brought this over here because it rings SO true to who I was in my late teens and twenties! I was having sex with just about anyone who would have me. I thought it was because sex was fun. Sex WAS fun, BUT that was only a by-product. The real reason was because I was desperately unhappy with myself, my life, where I was in my life and who I was.

My self esteem was at an all time low (it has since found even lower lows but I'm recovered now). I was married to a man who was mentally ill although I didn't see it at the time. Only time and distance have allowed me to see just HOW ill he really was. He was in jail & I was renting a room. I was fresh out of high school and still friends with some of the people from school.

I pretty much had a revolving door policy

It's not a time of my life I like to remember very much .

At that time sex, for me, was tied in to how I felt about myself. It didn't matter what others thought as long as I was feeling good *sigh*.

It has been very long, hard road to get where I am today. I proud of myself though. I did the work, still am really, to feel better about myself. I let the inner me shine through because it's who I REALLY am, not that silly girl who felt so bad about herself that she would let others do to it what they wanted as long as it made her feel good.

Time for work.
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  #48  
Old 03-19-2011, 12:42 PM
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Some days I just want to bitch slap someone!

Possibility has had a problem with being depressed for the last several months . He would bounce back for a few days and then be right back into the funk again. Yesterday I finally told him it was time to see the doctor about it. I didn't know it at the time but he's got a doc appointment on Monday some time to get started on dealing with this.

I didn't tell him my reasoning behind WHY I thought he needed the help though. I'm getting to the point where HIS depression is affecting my mood, even through chat. I enjoy being there for people but this has gotten beyond the place where just talking about it makes you feel better. It's gotten to the point where he's very nearly physically ill just THINKING about going in to work the next day, he's extremely moody with the moods rarely being happy. In short he's not a very nice person to be around right now.

*sigh* I guess I miss him. I just hope he can get things back on a more even keel sooner rather than later.

Even the D/s has been put on the back burner for now. I enjoy playing with him as much as he enjoys it but with his moods leaning more and more to the dark side it's just not a good idea until he can get this dealt with by a professional. About all we do together now is watch TV and movies , not much cuddling, no sex (not that there has ever been a lot any way), very little talking/chatting, hugs and kisses are nearly non-existent *sigh*

Breathes, on the other hand, is just as attentive as ever. He WAS pissed with me the other night (for reason) and it's taking him a few days to get past it so I'm missing him a little bit too .

Breathes had coffee with a potential secondary last Saturday but it didn't pan out . It took some coaxing from me to even get him to email her but once he did he got excited about meeting her even though he had butterflies.

Last Saturday we volunteered in the dungeon at Sexapalooza! FUN! Lots of different people wandered through, some with a bewildered look wondering just what in the world they were doing in such a deviant place! lol Some were really surprised at what household items could be turned into, lol . There was needle play, floggings, rope tying oh my! It was fun & I look forward to the next one!
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Old 03-19-2011, 06:58 PM
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He WAS pissed with me the other night (for reason)
That's the worst. I hate realizing that someone has reason to be upset with me.
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Old 03-19-2011, 11:08 PM
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Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
That's the worst. I hate realizing that someone has reason to be upset with me.
Agreed *sigh*

He seems to be doing good though. Sex three times this week! WOOT!

Now if our adored friend would just get here so we can go out to eat.....I'm hungry and it's WAY past my supper time!
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