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View Poll Results: Are you currently married and practicing poly?
Yes 134 82.21%
No 29 17.79%
Voters: 163. You may not vote on this poll

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  #11  
Old 03-19-2011, 12:52 AM
wldycatastrophe wldycatastrophe is offline
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We are married and just starting to be poly for a reason. I have liver cancer and I want to make sure my husband gets a really great partner. I am a very loving person also so I have a boyfriend also. We are open about the relationship and are enjoying it.
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  #12  
Old 03-19-2011, 12:57 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Originally Posted by wldycatastrophe View Post
We are married and just starting to be poly for a reason. I have liver cancer and I want to make sure my husband gets a really great partner. I am a very loving person also so I have a boyfriend also. We are open about the relationship and are enjoying it.
wldy-
That reminds me of the movie stepmom. That's a very loving attitude on your part.
Hope to hear more of your story on the board!

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  #13  
Old 03-19-2011, 12:59 AM
wldycatastrophe wldycatastrophe is offline
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I have time and life is to enjoy. Bless you!
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  #14  
Old 03-19-2011, 06:26 AM
axlfreak axlfreak is offline
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How many of you married and poly people got married with the original intention of remaining monogamous? And how have you dealt with poly?
my husband and i have been married 7 years this july and together for 5 before that. we were always exclusive and mono until this year, with poly never even entering our thoughts.

as far as how we've dealt? well it's a daily process.

in our case, my husband, R, is the one who wanted to open our relationship to another person. really a certain person. our thoughts at the beginning of this journey were that we owed it to ourselves to explore feelings, and to each other not to give up what we already had together. i wasn't sure i could share, somedays i'm still not. but it's better than the alternative and i choose it every day.

and by that i don't mean i'd rather have half of him than none, not in that sad sort of self-loathing kind of way. but i take very seriously my motto on life, which i like to express in the quotes of others 'life's a journey, not a destination,' 'if you've never steered off into the distance then your life is a shame,' and 'i do not regret the things i've done, but those i did not do.'

all that to me means that i don't want him to stifle himself to stay with me, nor do i want to be with him alone, if that isn't what he wants. i would never ask that he put it all back in the bottle. and i don't want to leave and look back and wonder what we could have been, he and i, or he and she and i.

it certainly isn't easy. though it appears it will get easier as time goes by. and if it never does, well i'm choosing it every day now, i'll either keep choosing it every day, or i won't.

that's one thing i'm trying to keep a grasp on. my own power. i choose. i choose everything. i choose to stay, or go. i choose to be pleasant, or a bitch. i choose to let him find out what he really needs, or i suffocate him.

if you all haven't noticed already, i like quoting, so here's one more 'i was thorough when i looked for you, and i feel justified lying in your arms.' i want to know and i want him to know that where-ever we end up, him, me, her, and anyone else who happens inside our circle, i want us to know that nothing happened while we weren't looking. we all made choices.
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  #15  
Old 03-19-2011, 05:30 PM
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
This forum tends to attract those that are starting out, have started out recently or who just really like peoples drama... like me
ROTFLMAO I have a fierce tendency to know-it-all-ism, and in my work have to suppress any and all of my advice-giving tendencies! So I let myself prey on innocent people on forums like these, giving pseudo-sage advice on things I have absolutely no clue on!

Seriously Ritafire though, the seemingly high divorce-rate on the forum might just represent the fact that many polyamorines have a hard time cheating, since they want to be able to express their love for two or more people openly. So they might be slightly more eager to bring the subject of extra-marital love affairs up with their spouses, which doesn't fly well with most people, and hence might lead to divorce or separation. We have of course no way of knowing how many of seemingly monogamous unions, marriages or otherwise, are really monogamous for both partners at all stages of the relationship, especially if we count purely emotional affairs.

Just speculating here, but that's what I do best.
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  #16  
Old 03-19-2011, 06:52 PM
Ready2Fly Ready2Fly is offline
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My poly sweetie and I are getting married in October. Yay! We were both looking for nonmonogamy from the very beginning.
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  #17  
Old 03-19-2011, 07:55 PM
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Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
I let myself prey on innocent people on forums like these, giving pseudo-sage advice on things I have absolutely no clue on.
HA! While I know you say this with tongue in cheek, we all only know what has worked for us and what our journey has been... that is why we are experts on ourselves and what we know about ourselves... that is very valuable to others I think. We are all wise people and knowing that others are too, about their own lives, means that we can all learn from each other... this is why I stay here I love hearing peoples process.

sorry, a bit off topic.
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  #18  
Old 03-19-2011, 09:05 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Originally Posted by RitaFire View Post
I was curious because many (not all, but many) of the poly people I have encountered so far are either divorced, getting divorced or are separated, or have never been married.

I am wondering how many people are in the same situation as my husband and I. They got married many years ago (at least 10 lets say), with the intention of being monogamous. Then decided to explore poly. I wonder if that causes more emotional distress to one or both partners in the marriage, if the original intention of the marriage was to remain monogamous. Not that things cannot change over the years, we all grow and change.

How many of you married and poly people got married with the original intention of remaining monogamous? And how have you dealt with poly?
My ex and I were married for over 20 years when we decided to open our marriage. Our attempt at poly did not go well, especially for me, as we were unicorn seeking and the woman we found turned out to be not into women, just men, and she and my ex fell head over heels in love. I couldnt handle their NRE, and made them stop the sex, tho allowed them to be friends.

That wasn't the cause of our breakup, however.
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  #19  
Old 03-20-2011, 10:05 PM
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Hades36 Hades36 is offline
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Not sure but seems we are moving in that direction. If nothing else then we are opening our marriage to the possibilities...
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  #20  
Old 03-20-2011, 10:52 PM
virgo41 virgo41 is offline
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Hubby and I have been married for 20 years. Just now decided on poly this past year. Currently have a boyfriend, he lives about an hour a way, with the eventual plan for him to move in with us.
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