Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #31  
Old 03-15-2011, 05:23 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,357
Default

Pretty much it is.

I love Maca.
I believe that he loves me.

But-he can't handle his emotions. They come over him and just steamroll through like a trainwreck.

I can't help, I don't know how. It's really that simple-I would, but I don't know how. I've been trying, it's only getting worse.

It's not even REALLY polyamory or GG that is a problem. Every breath could be the trigger because he just has so many fears and insecurities raging around unleashed inside of him.

I don't know.

I'm not giving up on him, I'm not giving up on us, I don't believe that he is either.
But, at the same time, there has to be some damage control.

Right now I really wish I had a bike and could just put a helmet on and go for a long, windy ride.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 03-15-2011, 07:06 AM
bella123456 bella123456 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 180
Default

If I had a bike - I would happily lend it to you.
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 03-15-2011, 07:07 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,639
Default

thinking of you LR, sending you hugs and lots of love... also to Maca too.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 03-15-2011, 12:04 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,691
Default

Awww, crap. That reminds me of my ex so much. His low self esteem killed our marriage. It's so frustrating. My sympathies, LR.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 03-15-2011, 08:29 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,294
Default

(((((Big Squeezy Hugs)))))
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 03-16-2011, 04:14 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,357
Default

Thanks Nycindie.

It's heartbreaking is what it is, just heartbreaking.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 03-16-2011, 05:23 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,357
Default

Ok, accomplishment.

Today I took the placement test at the college. That gave me the information I need in order to register for my class this summer. The information from the test won't be updated into their computer system til tomorrow or the next day. But, as soon as it's in their computer I can register to take my English class.

One more step towards my goal to return to school knocked out.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 03-18-2011, 02:48 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,357
Default

Maca has moved out. Last night was rough-but I got through it. GG held me through nightmares and bizarre dreams-ever patient.

Today I awoke to a foot of fresh snowfall. BLECH.

BUT-I didn't let that stop me. I got the tax papers together, got my ass in the car and headed out.

In the process I reconnected with a friend whose been out of my life for 14 years. I missed him. We talked, well, I talked-he listened. He got me the book I need to study for math (he had a copy in his office) and offered that any Saturday if I need help, I can go by his place and he'll help me with the math.
We made plans to go out dancing sometime.
(not a date, "just friends")

I dropped the tax papers off.
Finalized paperwork approving me to be a daycare provider for the new grandbaby.
Bought groceries.
Got my math book.
Got signed up for my summer English class.

__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 03-18-2011, 05:47 AM
sage's Avatar
sage sage is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 625
Default

I had those kind of dreams while my husband and I were separating.

I've just finished a guest post for another blog in the niche of my main blog (not poly people). She wanted my story, (not the poly one). It brought up for me feelings I had prior to my marriage breakup. I always saw myself in a cage and couldn't figure out how to get out. Now I realise that cage was only ever made of one thing - my own fears.

Blessings, love and light to you LR, may you be all that your forum name implies.
xxx
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 03-18-2011, 01:19 PM
MrFarFromRight's Avatar
MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Smack in the middle of The Spanish Revolution!
Posts: 483
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
He got me the book I need to study for math (he had a copy in his office) and offered that any Saturday if I need help, I can go by his place and he'll help me with the math.
We made plans to go out dancing sometime.
(not a date, "just friends")
Going out dancing is definitely useful for learning maths. And no, that isn't meant to be flippant. I grew up in a house where dancing was a sin... and look at the first quote I chose for my signature. AFAIC (does that one exist yet? As far as I'm concerned) dancing is definitely useful for living.

I'm sorry that Maca is having such a problem with his emotions and that you, too, are being steamrollered.

I'm about to be thrown out of here until next week, but I didn't want to leave without sending you
warm, warm Love.
I'll be thinking about you...

p.s. "just" is such a funny word. "Just LR" - but isn't that enough? "just friends" - but isn't that "just" what you need right now?

Dancing with you in my dreams,
J
__________________
If I can't dance, I want no part in your Revolution.
- Emma Goldman Anarchist and Polyamorous par excellence
The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- old Chinese proverb
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin
I'd rather have a broken heart / Than have a heart of stone.
- from "Boundless Love (A Polyamory Song)" by Jimmy Hollis i Dickson
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
commitment, family oriented, love, lovingradiance, progress, v formation, vee dynamics

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:27 PM.