Sleeping Arrangements and Beds: Merged Threads, General Discussion

[Braeica]

We're 5'9" and fragile, 5'10", 6'2" and built like the proverbial brick shit house, and can get along fine in one *orthopedic quality* California King. Though I have heard much applause over at the poly forum on Reddit regarding the two Queens stuck together version.

I occasionally claim I married my husband for this bed, which he already owned when we started dating, and given my ortho issues I am not always entirely kidding. Usually my husband sleeps in the bed with me because it was in our wedding vows that he would keep my feet warm at night and thus this has been our tradition for several years now. The boyfriend sleeps with us when the kids aren't here or if we're traveling without them and in his room otherwise. If we're stuck with the two bed configuration while traveling, I sleep with the boyfriend because I don't often get much chance to and the husband enjoys his break from footwarmer duty.

Ultimately though they could sleep wherever they bloody well please; to quote Jayne (Firefly reference) I'll be in my (comfy orthopedic "huge tracts of BED!") bunk.

[MrFarFromRight]

7 pages of comments so far! I haven't got the time to read through all, so I may be repeating someone else' suggestion(s).

Originally Posted by EywaUK

Okay, so i'm just starting to settle/accept in to the 3person relationship thats kind of risen up around us without us realising. Now i'm looking for some more practical advice... how the heck do you get 3 in a bed on a long term basis??!!!

Two of us are very tall, the other average (i'm 6'9", my bfs are 6'4" and 5'10"), and even with a kingsize bed, its getting to be more and more awkward to 'sleep' 3 to a bed. We always start off cosy and cuddled, then as we all fall asleep and move around, inevitably you end up with someone perched right at the edge of the bed.

And then of course if you happen to be in the middle, you cant exactly get up in the night without waking the others. Is there a slightly more practical solution??? None of us can bear to sleep in seperate rooms or beds but we need sleep. lol. How do you guys manage it?

ps. We used to have the quilt disputes but i managed to resolve that with a superkingsized duvet (yay).

pps. For the observant person in another thread - yep, Eywa was the spirit of Pandora... Avatar ROCKS!!! )

Don't assume that it's the bigger people who squeeze out the smaller! My theory is that bigger people have grown more space-conscious, so they try not to invade other people's spaces even while they sleep. I knew a couple, she was slightly over 5ft. high, he quite a bit over 6ft. And it was he that used to wake up, clingling to the edge of the mattress, while she was stretched out all over the place. Another example: a friend whose sister slept over and they both shared the bed with my friend's baby. Both of them woke up clinging to opposite edges of the mattress, and it was the baby - in the middle of the bed - who blissfully dreamed on with all the space in the World.

Back to your problem: "3 Men In A Bed" (at least you haven't got the dog!)

1) Don't you know any carpenters? Better still: aren't any of you handicraftilly courageous? There is a special pleasure to be had sleeping in a bed that you've made for yourself, or - barring that - having one made specifically for you with personal touches.

2) The one in the middle getting up in the middle of the night.
a) Choose the one with the strongest bladder control for the middle.
b) I would advise you to have the head end - without headboard - away from the wall. it's easier to slip out of bed head-first than feet-first. 'Though that leaves the problem of slipping yourself feet-first into bed afterwards. Hmmm!
c) You write: "... so i'm just starting to settle/accept in to the 3person relationship..." My experience: at the beginning of a relationship, you'll wake up every time that your partner(s) sigh(s). After a while, you don't even stir when they practice the bagpipes in bed. (Well, slight exaggeration...)

3) You might decide to develop a foot fetish and sleep like sardines: "top to tail". (Not recommended if any of you is prone to leg spasms while asleep.)

[MrFarFromRight]

Originally Posted by MrFarFromRight

b) I would advise you to have the head end - without headboard - away from the wall. it's easier to slip out of bed head-first than feet-first. 'Though that leaves the problem of slipping yourself feet-first into bed afterwards. Hmmm!

If your bedroom is big enough and/or you decide to go posh old-fashioned and have dressing rooms with the necessary furniture as independent of the bedroom, you could always put the bed right in the middle of the room, snake head-first out of bed, then snake head-first into bed from the other end.

[koifish]

Push two full size beds together?

[polyt]

Usually, a king size bed fits 3 people quite nicely. At my boyfriend+girlfriend's home they have a full so we take turns sleeping on a mattress off to the side. But once we stayed in a hotel and the woman saw there was 3 of us and one king size bed, she asked if she should get something for us. We thought this was hilarious. She looked so confused when we said we didn't need one. But the king size bed fit us 3 perfectly.

[LostRane]

Rane, Draco and I share a queen when Draco stays the night. We had to move it against the wall for they kept pushing me out of bed.

They are both tall and skinnier then me so I am every worried that I will take up too much room so I spend most of the night huddled against the wall. Which is good for the wall is cold and they give off alot of heat.. lol


As for the girlfriend sleeping in the wedding bed. I believe like everything else is should be convo between your wife and gf.

[seysccouple]

We are curious about the sex in the poly community. My wife is bi-sexual and I am straight. What are the sleeping arrangements for most couples in the poly lifestyle? We are looking for a live in girlfriend that we can share everything with, even our bed on a a nightly basis.

[AutumnalTone]

First, there is no "poly lifestyle." Search for "lifestyle" here and you'll find discussion of that notion.

And because there is no such lifestyle, you'll find that polyfolk approach sleeping arrangements in every fashion imaginable. There is no standard poly configuration, so any given tangle can involve three to thirty people--and practical logistical concerns indicate there are no beds built for thirty.

As a personal example, my wife and I sleep in separate beds in separate rooms. My life interest sleeps in her own bed in her own room in a separate house she shares with folks she's not involved with. The other ladies with whom I may get romantically involved with all live in their own places. So, in the tangle in which I am part, ain't nobody literally sleeping with anybody else.

[seysccouple]

I see. Thank you for the clarification. With us, we are not looking to add more than one person to our relationship, making us a triad. We are wanting a live in girlfriend that lives with us and sleeps with us in our own bed. We are not interested in having more than the one person to live with us.

[JuliaGay]

Hi, Seyscouple and welcome.

You might want to search here for 'unicorns.' That's the poly slang for what you're looking for and, as the name implies, it's very hard to find. For one thing, it's very hard to fit into an existing couple's structure. I'm not saying that it doesn't happen, just that the women who are willing to do this are few and far between. I've been asked and I wanted to be the unicorn, but it has never worked out for me. I know many women for whom this is true. It might be worth discussing whether or not you are willing to go in whatever direction life and love takes you rather than trying to shape it to your will.

And I echo AT. It's not a lifestyle, it's a life.

JG