How to communicate in a poly relationship

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by redpepper

. Especially in light of our new situation of having no babysitters. Child care is an issue and we are entering a new phase of one of us having to stay home with the boy.

What about your husband's parents? You said they were cool with your lifestyle choices.

[redpepper]

They are cool with it, but there are some issues with alcohol abuse and the fact that they have always told us they will call when they want to see him. Which is hardly ever and not enough for my boy and certainly not enough to consider it child care...

Now everyone is in it for themselves, not to help us out or to consider what is right for our boy. Just what they have time for and when it's convenient. Not that I think I have the right to complain, just stating the facts really.

[XYZ123]

Originally Posted by redpepper

Now everyone is in it for themselves, not to help us out or to consider what is right for our boy. Just what they have time for and when it's convenient. Not that I think I have the right to complain, just stating the facts really.

This is so an issue in my life as well. My parents live close by but mom still works and dad has too many anger issues to be considered a responsible babysitter. They just stick him in front of the TV so I have stopped asking. N's mom is a recovering alcoholic that I never feel quite comfortable leaving our son with, though I do maybe once every couple of months. And now with the new one coming I feel like we may never meet someone again.

[redpepper]

Ah. You will met someone. You are just at a time when it seems unlikely. The kids will get older and you will become more freed up. Enjoy them when they are little, as they say. They grow up fast and you will have your life back. You'll be good and ready by then!

[XYZ123]

This doesn't really have anything to do with the thread. But my son told me yesterday he was going to marry two girls when he grew up because he always loves so many people all at the same time.

[redpepper]

good job teaching about lovin' xyz... he'll fair well in the world I'm sure!

[pokey]

Originally Posted by sweetie

I am new to the forum, so I don't really know if I should just jump right in, but here goes.

I too am in the same type of relationship, but our V are two women and one man. We have adult children. Six in total. I can't say it has been all sunshine and roses with our children, but they love us and are trying. I think the biggest concern for my partners' children was whether Mom and Dad are okay. Does my being there mean they love each other less? No. But things are different.

As for our families. Some know, some suspect and some have no clue. Mine have no clue. There are family members who have asked outright. They deserve the truth. We don't try to justify. We just state the truth as we know it to be for us.

As for the outside world. There is no doubt people suspect. We don't make a concious effort to hide it. If asked, we tell the truth. Which brings up alot of questions. Some that are asked because of genuine curiosity and interest, and some (mostly from men) because they want to know how we work out our sexlife. The questions asked because of genuine interest we answer. The others we don't.

We haven't found any hard and set rules for what is right and wrong. But we know to deny what we share takes away from all of us.

Are we ready to tell the whole world. Hell no. But we're figuring it out as we go along.

I am interested in knowing how the adults did with the relationship as teenagers? What struggles were you faced with? Was it hard for the "solo" person at weddings, graduations etc.. What about the kids partners families, friends etc..

[sweetie]

We have only been in our relationship as a V for three years, and the youngest of our children is now 21. So we weren't together when they are teenagers.

I can tell you that my daughter had a baby 2 years ago, and I wouldn't have made it through the delivery if Sea hadn't been with me. From the second our granddaughter was born, Sea and Tommyc have been just as much her grandparent as I am. She calls them amma and papa, just as she calls me amma. Papa has looked after her while both amma's have been at work. If our Gracie can't be with me, then she'll be with amma Sea or papa.

Is it hard to the single. Sometimes. I've sat in the front row when their oldest daughter got married a month ago, but have never been invited to her new husbands birthday party and there have been a few since we have been together. But I also realize that's not about me, that's about their daughters comfort level.

I've had one of their sons completely ignore me. I didn't take it personally. He's the oldest of the children, and doesn't live around us. But with time he has asked my opinion, and respects that I am a part of not only their lives, but his as well. I've spent many hours with another of their children listening to his woes, and telling him he's a dumbass. The same child challenged me just before the wedding because he was trying to make a point to his older brother. His parents remained silent and allowed me to deal with it, because they know I love him, but he owes me his respect. I have never disrespected any of our children, and will not allow disrespect for me or his parents.

I've also seen Sea tell my daughter that she was wrong speaking to me the way she has. I have asked Tommyc to talk to my daughter when she wouldn't listen to me, and knew she would listen to him.

It hasn't been easy. But love is love. Our children know love when they see it, and it doesn't matter where it comes from, as long as it's there.

I feel blessed to be the other mother for Sea and Tommyc's children, and I know that my children love them as their parents. I have often heard our children refer to me or Sea as the other mother.

There will be other children born, and more marriages to come. We will be there together trying to figure it out. I don't think any of us believe's it will be easy, but we know it's where we want to be.

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by sweetie

But love is love. Our children know love when they see it, and it doesn't matter where it comes from, as long as it's there.

Thanks for this awesome quote and your wise words.

[sweetie]

Thanks RP. When we started our relationship, both Sea and tommyc told me the more love you receive, the more love you have to give. It took me awhile to believe that, but I truly do. Our children are learning it too. I think that's why they are able to put up with us.