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Old 03-16-2011, 04:40 PM
LovingLove LovingLove is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 7
Default Open Communication vs. Trust

Hi there, I just registered for this forum and have been poking around reading it for about a week now. I am finding a lot of great information and relating to much of what is said. I have especially found myself nodding along to the lessons we’ve learned thread.

I do plan to write up my situation in length to give all more history and information, but things are going really well for me right now and I find I don’t have the drive to write about much when it is not worrying me. But when I find the time, I will get it all down.

So, ignoring the history, here is my brief current situation: My partner (A) and I are dating a married couple. I have a great connection and am very much in love (and, NRE) with one of them (B) as is my partner with the other (C), although to a lesser extent. My partner is also very close and somewhat intimate with B. I am on good terms with but without much connection to C. I will try to describe it all better later, as it doesn’t have too much bearing on my question.

After a talk with A last night, what has been frustrating me today is how to negotiate the effect that relationships on each other. When I tell A something that was said to me by C regarding their relationship, I feel I may be breaking some type of trust and/or confidentiality within the relationship of myself and C. A does not want to feel in the dark with things and is also currently concerned with the status of the relationship with C.

So: To what extent am I expected to share? How do I negotiate someone else’s trust vs. honesty with my partner?

I do not like talking about what other people said. It feels like gossip. I may have an impact on a relationship I am not a part of directly. The other person is not there to clarify (I have a horrible memory and can rarely even remember what ALL was said, let alone word for word). I do not want to be a source of miscommunication between two other people. I do not want people wondering who I have told regarding what they have said to me in private. I am also not super strong with communication when it comes to either A or C… as often find we have very different perspectives and interpretations.

To make matters worse, I am comfortable sharing everything with B, in fact I love it. I am not worried about reactions and we often see eye to eye. It is a great way to vent. I feel though maybe I am over sharing and should be telling as much if not more to A.

I do want to be more open and honest with my partner, and stop holding back information/feelings because it may not be exactly what A wants to hear and may react poorly to it… I know this is wrong.

All input is appreciated!


Still to come: time management, WTF
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communication, communication skills, gossip, talking, talking about poly

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