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Old 03-13-2011, 06:52 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Does poly ever work to cure a unhappy marriage... or does it create more strife? Does it create an opportunity to look at things with new eyes because new love enters the arena?
Hey RP ,

I think it can work. I see others have given some solid examples of why and how so I won't repeat.

I could almost envision it as a tool in some circumstances that allows you to get into the really deep conversations that are difficult to even get to until you have some kind of catalyst. That's how discovered affairs work when they end up bringing the couple closer instead of further apart. Certain fires seem to need certain sparks to start them.

The unfortunate part I've always felt is that the 3rd (4th etc) person is too often caught in drama crossfire. And THAT is NOT fair. And it's the source of all the horror stories that keep otherwise promising people from giving GOOD poly a try ! The 'couple' MAY survive and even prosper - the additional party may become forever jaded

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Old 03-13-2011, 07:55 PM
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ray ray is offline
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I'm not married so I can't say much from personal experience. It does seem that poly itself isn't the cure but the work people do on themselves. In the last few weeks, I've been getting some perspective on the last 8 months and my first experience with poly. I'm realizing that the relationship I walked into was no where near as healthy as I had thought it to be. And that they weren't interested in doing that work and introspection. I don't feel jaded towards poly because I realized that they were never all that on board with poly in the first place. I do feel cynical towards relationships in general... but I suppose that will go away eventually.

That's one of the things that drew me to the poly community/lifestyle. I am very introspective and what not. I love how much people that do poly all tend to do a lot of that and don't shy away from it or think it's silly. I wish that more monogamous couples did that kind of soul-searching as a regular part of relationships. Scratch that, basically, everyone that interacts with other people should utilize that skill.
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Old 03-15-2011, 02:22 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I think it depends. Is the marriage unhappy because the partner are poly and can't be themselves as long as the marriage stays monogamous? Then yes, poly's going to solve that problem.
In my case, poly was good for me, bad for my husband. I thought it helped both of us and the relationship, but after breaking things off I was told that it actually didn't.
I won't have this problem anymore, I'm starting off poly now, but I see how it could end badly much more easily than end up positively. It's a bit like having a kid: if you were having issues in your relationship BECAUSE you both wanted a kid and were having trouble having one, then yes, having a kid with solve that. Otherwise, you're probably better trying to solve your problems first, rather than have to do it when you have to deal with the stress an extra person can bring.
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coming out polyamorous, marriage, open, opening

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