Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 03-02-2011, 02:06 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is online now
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,041
Default

Thank you Sage.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 03-08-2011, 02:42 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is online now
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,041
Default

36 years today. Hmmm. Not sure that is a big deal, but it's some sort of accomplishment anyway.
It certainly doesn't bother me, which sometimes results in me wondering if there is something wrong with me. These age milestones that people get all hung up over... don't do that to me...

My little one has taken to gently running her fingers down my cheek and saying, "mommy, you are so my sweetie pie!" I love that.

Last night my oldest one had her dad drive her to the store so she could buy me a birthday card. In it she wrote that she was so thankful for me, she couldn't do it without me. So sweet. That means so much.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 03-14-2011, 05:27 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is online now
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,041
Default

I couldn't do one more day of sitting around while everyone watched movies. It's one of my pet peeves. Not watching a movie, but watching movies (or anything else) instead of living real life. It's no different than a drunk or a drug addict. When the "imaginary world" becomes a more significant part of your life than the REAL world-there's a problem-a "runaway from life" problem.

When it's drugs, alcohol, porn, it gets labeled addiction. But, when it's simply "entertainment" and you're still holding down a good job, keeping the grades up in school.... well that's just different.

Except... is it? Is it different than an addiction if it's ruining your personal relationships because you're too busy running away to the imaginary world to put the necessary time into the real life relationships to keep them maintained?

I don't think so.

Last night-I left all of the kids at home watching more movies with Maca. I went and hung out with friends (GG was away with his own friends).

Today, I had a talk (instigated by a rude little conversation the boys had with Mimi) with the "family" and specifically the boys.

1. Both boys were very adamant about spending 14 hours (14yo) and 21 hours (11 yo) a week "maintaining" their family relationships.

2. Both said that they personally believed that movies and video games were a detractor from building/maintaining relationships.

3. They both individually concluded that they believed that they needed to spend at least 5-6 hours a day focused on their relationships with the family in order to maintain them TO THE LEVEL THAT THEY EACH WOULD LIKE THEM TO BE AT.

In other words, they aren't happy with where their relationships are and they have a good idea what is needed to reach the level that they do want.... so where's the breakdown?

They both admitted, the breakdown was that they were lazy about doing the "easy quick fix" (watching movies and/or playing video games) instead of taking the time to do the things (they said "any physical activity that motivates us to talk") with the rest of the people in the family that would get them WHAT THEY WANT-by maintaining their relationships.

They were even able to say (without provocation) that they knew that when I was bitching about them playing the games or watching the movies it was because it bothered me that they weren't getting what THEY WANT out of their relationships with the rest of us.....

So.... I can't help but wonder, did it impact the thought processess of any of the other adults? This fact that the kids KNOW the relationships suck and WANT closer relationships with the whole family AND know that the gaming and movie watching is impeding their progress?

__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 03-14-2011, 09:17 AM
Breathesgirl's Avatar
Breathesgirl Breathesgirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 834
Default

I know that feeling! I get to the point where if I even HEAR the word movie I want to scream!
__________________
There are as many ways to do polyamory as there are people practicing it!
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 03-14-2011, 10:27 PM
sage's Avatar
sage sage is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 621
Default

I admire you LR I gave up (have given up)with some of our tribe through the teenage years. Primarily because I actually don't want to spend time with them, it's just not worth it and seems like a lose, lose for me. I might get their company but it's not company that in their present evolutionary state I enjoy being around. Better to leave them in front of a screen and pick them up again around 19- 20. (I know it shouldn't be like that but I only have so much energy).

I do agree with the addiction thing though. Computer games are Z's drug of choice and dare I say that I'm starting to think his OSO falls into that category as well. I know I just threw in a boulder to your blog. This is part of our issue at the moment so can you please respond to it (if you want to) on the struggling mono thread.

xxThanks
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 03-15-2011, 02:21 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is online now
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,041
Default

Hey Sage,

There are many days-the last two weeks for example- when I just bail and leave them with the tv for precisely that reason. Teenagers and two year olds aren't my forte!

I'll go read the other blog. Hope I can be of some help, but I'll warn in advance, I'm a struggling poly right now.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 03-15-2011, 02:56 AM
sage's Avatar
sage sage is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 621
Default

I just got an email from daughter no.2 (I love the way you've named your peas by the way, trying to think of a way to do that for our tribe).

She'll be 20 in May. From the age of about 12 until now she's been in a virtual gaga-land. The gist of the email "I love you mum, you're the best mum in the world, my childhood was perfect, I've only realised since you moved away...I'm sorry I was so mean to you when you split with dad... I miss you so much...and on...and on it went" I've created a folder for "Very special emails". They do come right, in the meantime maybe in front of a screen is the best place for them

Last edited by sage; 03-15-2011 at 03:02 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 03-15-2011, 04:49 AM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,460
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
... I'm a struggling poly right now.
What happened? It sounds real bad, LR.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
my bf: Ginger, 61, married to:
Robin, 60 (mono)
and dating (NRE): Carla and David, married couple, early 40s
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 03-15-2011, 05:23 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is online now
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,041
Default

Pretty much it is.

I love Maca.
I believe that he loves me.

But-he can't handle his emotions. They come over him and just steamroll through like a trainwreck.

I can't help, I don't know how. It's really that simple-I would, but I don't know how. I've been trying, it's only getting worse.

It's not even REALLY polyamory or GG that is a problem. Every breath could be the trigger because he just has so many fears and insecurities raging around unleashed inside of him.

I don't know.

I'm not giving up on him, I'm not giving up on us, I don't believe that he is either.
But, at the same time, there has to be some damage control.

Right now I really wish I had a bike and could just put a helmet on and go for a long, windy ride.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 03-15-2011, 07:06 AM
bella123456 bella123456 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 178
Default

If I had a bike - I would happily lend it to you.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
commitment, family oriented, love, lovingradiance, progress, v formation, vee dynamics

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 02:48 AM.