So I am the unicorn of the married couple. And I am not bi. And she is. And he is not.
He is fun and gentle and kind. She is needy and lazy, plays at being an artist, used to being the center of attention, acts like a child.
Plus they are swingers.
I am not so much but I did want to try.
And so there was another nice couple they knew.
But the day we were invited to join them for the day, I had to study for an exam. They had been together plenty of times and nothing happened. Of course something happened. The other couple engaged mine.
And when I heard this, I felt as if I had been rejected. And excluded. And even though it hadn't been planned, I felt like the second place loser, the second choice. The leftover.
And for some reason I raged.
And hit the wall with my fist.
And I don't do that at a habit.
I don't know why, but I hurt, and it was like all my efforts, all the respect, the self control, the sacrifices I made to succeed in school, were superfluous.
I'm a science major. I study chemistry.
The other person wins praise and accolades for her crappy art. And it is crap. And she's cute and she's sweet and men and women are sexually attracted to her.
And I am alarmingly self-sufficient...and I put up my needs, my emotional wants, to get through this particular course because it's tough on me.
So I don't know why I hurt so much suddenly. And I screamed and slammed and pounded. Why I broke self control... why it hurt so much....
I suddenly don't want to be friends with this other couple anymore either.
I feel awful. I feel immature. I don't know what to do.