Suggestion for new section of the Forum

[nycindie]

I didn't say that BDSM is necessarily a bad thing. I did admit to some discomfort with certain aspects of BDSM that I have seen mentioned here, in the interest of full disclosure (although, as I have also said, some of it does appeal to me). I just can't relate to most of it, especially to people who live it 24/7, and I think that it is so unique in terms of the relationship aspect that it is difficult for non-BDSM people to help without some knowledge of it. Perhaps it is really the D/s part that seems to me to need special consideration, I don't know. So that's why I thought it would be nice for the people who get into it to have their own space here where they wouldn't have to explain what the concepts are and others would automatically understand. For those of you are are well-versed you might not realize that those "power exchange" dynamics make absolutely no sense to people outside of that world. It's not about pointing fingers or segregating anyone for me. I have seen posts from people asking what is that and why do you like it, instead of answering questions.

Originally Posted by Ariakas

I find it a pot calling kettle black kind of thing coming from poly people...

But why, Ari? Do you equate polyamory with a fetish? I do not.


I just wonder... why a section for Spirituality and not BDSM?

[Ariakas]

Originally Posted by nycindie

I don't think BDSM is necessarily a bad thing. I just can't relate to most of it (although, as I have said some of it does appeal to me), and I think that it is so unique in terms of the relationship aspect, especially for people who are 24/7, that it is difficult for non-BDSM people to help without some knowledge of it. So that's why I thought it would be nice for the people who get into it to have their own space here where they wouldn't have to explain what the concepts are. It's not about pointing fingers or segregating anyone for me. I have seen posts from people asking what is that and why do you like it instead of answering questions.

... I understand that, but they are probably having poly problems. Not BDSM problems. Its a very confusing place to be in. They are stuck in between two worlds. One with some very strict rules and one the seemingly has none

I understand it may be hard, but all you can do is impart your poly experience on people. I don't understand a lot of poly people but I can still impart what I know. There are poly factions the blow my mind (I am thinking the cultlike aspects of poly)... my experience may still help them in their relationships ...

But why, Ari? Do you equate polyamory with a fetish? Many people do not.

Aspects of it definitely can be. Group sex? Group cuddles?... anything that would make a truly monogamous person cringe. And how many people use poly to fullfill their group sex desires with a cute tag of love on it. For the record I am not saying this is a bad thing. Just looking at it from people coming in.

Hell there are bdsm practitioners who look at poly as fetish... group sex as a different fetish. For example. There are some very strictly monogamous kinky couples.

I just wonder... why a section for Spirituality and not BDSM?

Religion is more separated than poly and bdsm. Same reason it should be left out of the school system. The idealology of being spiritual is a very different beast than loving more than one person, or getting your rocks off beating more than one person.

And honestly... how often do we see pagan magick lubbers coming in and asking their questions too. I can't fathom understanding many aspects of their lives, but I still try to answer their questions. They don't always end up in the spiritual section of the poly site.

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by Ariakas

Group cuddles?

I do NOT consider group cuddles an aspect of poly at all! Mono people have participated in group cuddles and puppy piles since the 60s and 70s, myself included, it's just that some wanker decided to capitalize on the idea and sell it to poly peeps who bought it hook, line, and sinker and now think it's unique to poly. Gag!

... ahem, excuse the rant.

[Ariakas]

Originally Posted by nycindie

I do NOT consider group cuddles an aspect of poly at all! Mono people have participated in group cuddles and puppy piles since the 60s and 70s, myself included, it's just that some wanker decided to capitalize on the idea and sell it to poly peeps who bought it hook, line, and sinker and now think it's unique to poly. Gag!

... ahem, excuse the rant.

Its ok, it was more a sarcastic HA HA.. then anything... kind of like I caught a fish thissssssssss big...

[nycindie]

Well, hey, it's just an idea I had awhile back and I thought I'd throw it out there to see what others thought of it.

[Magdlyn]

Originally Posted by MrFarFromRight

Like nycindie, I'd say that it's a personal thing with me: that, considering myself (among other definitions) a feminist, I find it hard to imagine a master/slave dynamic as having much to do with love and mutual respect.

You're making the assumption that all Doms are male and all subs are female?

There are female Dommes with male slaves or subs, and gay males and ardent feminist lesbians of both proclivities, Dom or sub, for example. (Google "On Our Backs" magazine.)

I KNOW that everybody's got a perfect right to make their own life decisions... but I don't necessarily have to agree that those life decisions are emotionally / psychologically healthy. I once knew a guy who used to burn his arms with lit cigarettes. Sure he had a right to do that, but I doubt that he was very happy with himself.
I'm going to draw down scorn on my head for this, but I worry about people who NEED to dominate/humiliate others - or who NEED to be dominated/humiliated. And I'd be willing to repeat that sentence substituting "get their kicks when they" for "NEED to". (Even if it is "only a role game with strictly observed rules".) Sorry (not actually sorry), but that's not my idea of love.

Well-considered D/s can be quite healthy for both parties. "Good" Masters/Mistresses are concerned foremost for the (physical and emotional) health of their sub, believe it or not.

I do understand the shock factor tho. Now, I am into several kinks on the BDSM spectrum, but 11 years ago when I read the Ethical Slut, I recall being shocked by a lesbian group sex/play party/fisting scene graphically described therein. I thought that bit had nothing to do with being polyamorous and almost put the book down at the time because of that.

[nycindie]

Hey Mags, I know you're a kinky gal, but you didn't mention your take on the idea of having a separate BDSM section here. I am less attached to it than I was when I first thought of it, but still think it could be very helpful. Do you?

[Magdlyn]

I think it's an interesting idea, Cindie. Let's face it, poly people are sex-positive. A strong interest in sex can often lead to great imagination and creativity in the sex area... which can lead to exploring kinks including power exchange, and other aspects of BDSM like impact play, etc.

Some of the most frequent posters here are into BDSM, while some newbies are ignorant and sort of scared of the subject, being turned off by the perceived anti-feminism and violence of BDSM play.

[MsWoodland]

I can see both sides to this. I'm not offended by bondage folks anymore than I'd be with cross-dressers or furries for that matter. It's all personal choice. As long as the talk is appropriate for the age group it's presented to. But at the same time, there are some folks who were harmed in a way, or raised to think a certain way that make it very difficult to understand why someone would want to do such things. It's always good to have a delicate topics section to keep such things in, that might offend others.

[NeonKaos]

The moderators discussed this and we agree that if there were BDSM or furries or what-have-you ASKING for a section of the forum where they could discuss their special issues as pertains to polyamory, that would be a stronger argument than creating a separate section to corral those types of threads just because some people are sick of seeing it come up in situations every so often.

However, we are long overdue for a conference with Olivier (the owner, who doesn't really participate in the discussion threads) and we plan to ask him if he would like to create a sub-forum (no pun intended) for any type of alternative lifestyle + poly, should people of like-mind choose to use that to mingle with each other. This is not something we are empowered to do without explicit permission from him.

Also, we do not expect this to happen before the forum software upgrade, which went into "testing" almost a year ago IIRC, and is supposed to have a section where people can be in more control over their own blogs.