Poly Surprises?

[Ariakas]

Originally Posted by MindfulAgony

My biggest surprise about being poly is the reality that one relationship doesn't "make up" for the others. This hit me after one of my relationships ended abruptly due to things outside my control. I was absolutely devastated and inconsolable.

I would agree with this. Also, for me, in the same light, if I am interested in having some time with one, the other can't just slide into that slot. Its very discernible in my head. Although that is something I am trying to work on.

[MindfulAgony]

Originally Posted by Ariakas

I would agree with this. Also, for me, in the same light, if I am interested in having some time with one, the other can't just slide into that slot. Its very discernible in my head. Although that is something I am trying to work on.

Very interesting and so very true. Being attuned to our changing moods, passions and need to feel someone's particular energy (is that the underlying need behind "I miss you"?) is important and seems like people too often overlook it and its implications for who we spend our time with.

Thanks Ariakas. That's got me really thinking...

[Ariakas]

Originally Posted by MindfulAgony

Very interesting and so very true. Being attuned to our changing moods, passions and need to feel someone's particular energy (as that the underlying need behind "I miss you"?) is important and seems like people too often overlook it and its implications for who we spend our time with.

Thanks Ariakas. That's got me really thinking...

Thats absolutely the case. I guess its on par with how sometimes couples don't mesh. One may be interested in the other, but one is not in the mood. Who knows..

Poly makes it infinitely more complex.

[Braeica]

I guess I thought at some point the realities of everyday life would grind away that miraculous feel it has to it when you find your soul mate and then the two of you find somebody who fits into that like they were made for it.

Nope. Still whacks me upside the head at the randomest moments, even after all these years. Wouldn't have it any other way, either.

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by Braeica

Still whacks me upside the head at the randomest moments, even after all these years. Wouldn't have it any other way, either.

Braeica, Tell us more! Start a blog here or introduce yourself - it's so great to be able to read about successful long-term poly relationships! Yay!

[Braeica]

I'm going to be rather shy in that department. Both my guys are working in fields that being poly would cost them their careers- and the paychecks that make our household go- so prudence is the better part of valor for us. But thank you for being interested.

[Magdlyn]

My 2 biggest surprises:

1)That I met my dear darling gf so soon after splitting with my ex. She and I click like 2 puzzle pieces. I thank the universe for bringing her to me every day. Our relationship is mostly blissful, and when we have problems, we are able to work through them in short order.

2) That in the 2 years since, I haven't been able to find a man who I click with as well as I click with gf. Not for lack of trying and putting myself out there. Most men I've dated just seem to be so clueless, so bad at open and honest communication, too sex-focused, or not sexual enough, out of touch with their feelings, uninterested in commitment, too busy to date, in shaky so-called poly marriages that aren't really poly, too Dom, too sub, immature, boring, shallow, etc., etc.

If I didn't crave cock and testosterone and their muscles so much, I'd just give up!

[TheEmpress]

As recently as last night, i was surprised. I felt the warmth of compersion wash over me as I watched two of my partners kiss each other with joy. It was fantastic.

[Vinccenzo]

I learned that it matters very little to me if I'm poly or mono so long as I feel loved and respected. Without those elements, I don't want a relationship of any style.

[Tonberry]

The surprises for me:

- that after two years of open marriage that was de facto mono, I could fall in love back to back with two men in two months.... and two men who were coworkers, too (they were extremely different in other ways, though)

- that I really don't have "slots". I would have done my best to manage all three (Raga, Seamus, W) at once if given the chance, and right now, after breaking up with Raga and being turned down by W, I have zero need to go for someone else at the moment. I am definitely attracted to specific people, and don't have a "perfect" number of partners that I need to be at to be happy.

- that people might understand you or not, reject or accept you, but there is really no way to predict their reaction until you come out to them.

- that you have to count your relationship with yourself, too, and take a good care of it as you would a relationship with anyone else

- that as much as I thought sex was important to me, I need emotional intimacy, communication and respect a lot more. When it (sex) is there, it's just some kind of bonus that doesn't matter so much either way. When it's not, I'm not the one who will notice.